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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

How can I get him more involved?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 50 Replies
I love my Dh. We planned our LO and were so excited when I found out I was pregnant. He was so attentive and invovled, never missed an appt.

Now that baby is here, he is off in other world. He sits on his phone or ipad All The Time. He never gets down and plays with baby. He used to do baths but has done one is about 7 months. He maybe changes 1 diaper a day. When I ask him to play with us he will sit next to us on his phone or absently move toys around while watching youtube videos. I wanna smash that damn phone. When I cook dinner, I give baby to daddy. If baby starts fushing, DH doesn't attend to him. Ds escalates, then dh comes in the kitchen and says "I can't deal with him, he only wants you." Usually he will bring in the highchair or walker thing so I can watch baby while I cook. If dh has him and I'm doing chores, he will hold baby and follow me around. :(

Even with big decisions, I make them all. He says "What ever you wanna do." I ask what he thinks and he says "You do all the research on that stuff, its up to you." So frustrating.

I'm afraid he is missing so much and I don't understand why he doesn't want to spend more time with our LO, he's so precious!

I don't know what to do! I'm so angry and frustrated. I feel like if dh doesn't appriciate our son, then I don't even want him around. I getting where I can hardly stand the sight of dh and we often just leave the room, which I know isn't helping the situation.
Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 24, 2013 at 9:18 AM
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Replies (1-10):
leakymommy
by on Feb. 24, 2013 at 9:23 AM
4 moms liked this
Honey most men are like that. Babies kinda scare them and are 'boring'. Just wait till your ds gets to be a toddler. My so doesnt really care for the baby stage, but as soon as they start walking and talking he is all over them!!
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Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Feb. 24, 2013 at 9:36 AM
Thanks :)

He's 9 months and has been crawling and cruising.

I'm crossing my fingers that he will get with the program!

Quoting leakymommy:

Honey most men are like that. Babies kinda scare them and are 'boring'. Just wait till your ds gets to be a toddler. My so doesnt really care for the baby stage, but as soon as they start walking and talking he is all over them!!
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Feb. 24, 2013 at 9:38 AM
5 moms liked this
Most men are not like that. Some men just aren't cut out to be dads.

Quoting leakymommy:

Honey most men are like that. Babies kinda scare them and are 'boring'. Just wait till your ds gets to be a toddler. My so doesnt really care for the baby stage, but as soon as they start walking and talking he is all over them!!
ecerka
by Platinum Member on Feb. 24, 2013 at 9:51 AM
My husband was a little like that at first. Around 3 months old I started playing on a pool league on Mondays so he had to take care of her by himself for about 4 hours. After that he got use to taking care of her and now He's the one who puts her down every night and he takes her on a sat or sun for a few hours and gives me a break. Try getting out of the house away from them so that he has to deal by himself.
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gblossom
by on Feb. 24, 2013 at 9:53 AM

I don't have any good advice, so here's a bump :)

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Feb. 24, 2013 at 9:55 AM
I think I could find something to do :) he has only been alone with ds for about 30 mins at a time.

Quoting ecerka:

My husband was a little like that at first. Around 3 months old I started playing on a pool league on Mondays so he had to take care of her by himself for about 4 hours. After that he got use to taking care of her and now He's the one who puts her down every night and he takes her on a sat or sun for a few hours and gives me a break. Try getting out of the house away from them so that he has to deal by himself.
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Feb. 24, 2013 at 9:55 AM
Thank you :)

Quoting gblossom:

I don't have any good advice, so here's a bump :)

catrig
by Platinum Member on Feb. 24, 2013 at 9:56 AM
Sit down and figure out what you want from him. Then sit down with him and tell him.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Feb. 24, 2013 at 9:57 AM

I have found that a great many men are intimidated by very young children (under the age of about 2), because they can't understand what they want and have a hard time getting down on that level.  once the kids are a bit older and can interact and follow simple directions some it gets better. 

dh started out that way, especially with the decision-making aspect.  but I made sure to keep asking him any time it was a major deal - immunization, schooling, etc., and he finally got on board and even started making some decisions on his own.  and by the time the baby was born, he and the older girl (almost 2 at the time) were thick as thieves and he was able to do everything with the baby that I would other than bathe them. 

auntietotty
by Ruby Member on Feb. 24, 2013 at 10:00 AM
2 moms liked this

In my opinion....I think phones should be put away while at home and with family unless the person has to take a call, etc. of course....same goes with while eating dinner. That's a big pet peeve of mine though.

Force him to pay attention to his child.  Do other things so he purposely has to be a dad.

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