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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

I'm afraid to get married

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 8 Replies
I was married for nearly 7 years. We had 2 children together. He changed. He was not nice to the children, caused psychological issues in the oldest, spent all of his time online gaming, went through a period of posting personal ads, pretty much forced me to have sex, wouldnt lift a finger to help with heavy manual labor even when I was pregnant, didn't come to his second child's birth, etc. It was miserable.

We're divorced now. He willingly gave up custody of his children and only sees them for a couple hours twice a month when it's convenient to him. He's moving several states away soon and not working so that he doesn't have to pay the full amount in child support. He changed and he is not the man I had married.

Now I'm with an amazing man. He's taken on the roll of father to my girls without hesitation. He loves us, and we love him. He's good and kind and he wants to marry me.

I'm afraid though. What if he changes too? I don't want to screw up again. I don't want my life to be a series of divorces. He's never had children, never been married, and that's the path he wants to go down with me. I don't know what to do. I'm so scared of the same thing happening.
Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 24, 2013 at 11:02 AM
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Replies (1-8):
catrig
by Platinum Member on Feb. 24, 2013 at 11:04 AM
Have you had counseling? If not I recommend it.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
evelynolivesmom
by Gold Member on Feb. 24, 2013 at 11:06 AM

 Take your time, do your research and don't let him or anyone pressure you into a decision.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 24, 2013 at 11:11 AM
Not since marriage counseling with the last haha. Yeah, I'll see if my healthcare covers it. Thank you


Quoting catrig:

Have you had counseling? If not I recommend it.

mindysue852
by Member on Feb. 24, 2013 at 11:12 AM

I'm sorry that you went through such hell with your ex. His behaviors are no indicator of how your current bf is. There are good people out there! Just don't rush it, and if you aren't comfortable with marriage be open and honest with your bf. And like others mentioned, counseling might help. I know it's easy to say that but not easy for everyone to afford though!

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 24, 2013 at 11:12 AM
You're right. I need to stand my ground and just tell him I'm not ready yet. I just feel guilty I guess. It's not fair that my past is hurting the future he wants.


Quoting evelynolivesmom:

 Take your time, do your research and don't let him or anyone pressure you into a decision.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 24, 2013 at 11:13 AM
Thank you for the sound advice and kind words


Quoting mindysue852:

I'm sorry that you went through such hell with your ex. His behaviors are no indicator of how your current bf is. There are good people out there! Just don't rush it, and if you aren't comfortable with marriage be open and honest with your bf. And like others mentioned, counseling might help. I know it's easy to say that but not easy for everyone to afford though!


evelynolivesmom
by Gold Member on Feb. 24, 2013 at 11:15 AM

 If he wants you then he should understand. Don't feel guilty about protecting yourself and your kids. Good luck!

Quoting Anonymous:

You're right. I need to stand my ground and just tell him I'm not ready yet. I just feel guilty I guess. It's not fair that my past is hurting the future he wants.


Quoting evelynolivesmom:

 Take your time, do your research and don't let him or anyone pressure you into a decision.


 

teresanteens
by on Feb. 24, 2013 at 11:18 AM

 SO SAD YOU AND GIRLS WENT THRU IT,I'D BE CAUSIOUS,WAIT AWHILE,NO HURRY,IF ITS MENT TO BE,IT WILL HAPPEN,SOUNDS LIKE YOUR GUT IS TELLING YOU SOMETHING.I'D WAIT,WHATS IT GONNA HURT!

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