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My MIL is pissing me off!!!!! What do I do? long sorry but need opinions

Posted by on Feb. 24, 2013 at 11:38 AM
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1 mom liked this

She bases everything on gender and I hate it I do not want my kids growing up thinking oh I can't play with a doll because that makes me gay or I cant play with trucks because that will make me lesbian (this is what she says). She just went out and bought my kids cloths well my daughter loves and I mean loves star wars it is the only thing she really will sit down to watch with daddy. My mil just went out got my step son who has down syndrome and really doesn't care about anything (his thing is scooby doo) and bought him a star wars shirt and instead of just getting them all star wars or getting my daughter the shirt she gave it to my step son (we only get 2 weekends a month). Not to mention when I asked her why she didn't get my daughter it she said because they only have it in boy styles and Darren (my step son) would like it more and then went on to say "well you don't want her to be gay do you" . Are you freaking kidding me!!! Also my daughter is 3.

My son loves babies and I mean loves he has to sleep with them in his bed or he will get out and look for them. Well my mil asked me what to get him for a toy and I said a baby. She said "ha are you serious babies are for girls not for boys, I will not allow my grandson to walk around with a pink or purple baby or any baby for that matter" (she places so much on color too it bugs the hell out of me). I said well he likes babies so that is what to get for him. My son is 19 months.

There have been so many other things just like this that she and my fil do and when I ask them why they say because that is just the way they are and more or less tell me to just deal with it.

We are moving a little further away from them and I really do not want to see them often if at all but they said if they don't see them then they will be out side of our house pounding on the doors and windows till we let them.

I am also pregnant and she smokes around 2 packs a day and when we are around her she is kissing and pretty much rubbing my kids on her so they smell like smoke, then she has the nerve to ask me if I want to go somewhere with her (she smokes in her truck) and I say no I don't want to be around the smoke and don't want the kids to be either. So she will have a big fit about that. I don't want her to be kissing and holding my new born with her nasty smoke breath and body (that might sound mean but that is not the first thing I want my child to smell and I wish my other two didn't have to smell it either). She had the right apparently to yell at my daughter to pick up her cup too um hello I am right here and I don't want you yelling at her. Do I have a right to be upset? What do I do about this? I don't know what to do she bugs me so much and I can't stand her. Am I over reacting? 


by on Feb. 24, 2013 at 11:38 AM
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Replies (1-10):
SalemWitchChild
by Blessed be on Feb. 24, 2013 at 11:42 AM

Well I wouldn't be upset about the shirt thing. Just go buy your daughter a shirt like her brothers so they match. Get him a doll if he wants it.

The smoking. I have a rule that no one smokes around the kids. Except in the car in which case windows must be down and smoke directed out the window. I know its not the best option, but its a compromise to keep the peace. 

The smell on clothing though, really there isn't much you can do about it. And they are the grandparents so they have a right to see your kids too. I'm sure they aren't all bad.

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Feb. 24, 2013 at 11:43 AM


Quoting Lovinbeinamom5:

She bases everything on gender and I hate it I do not want my kids growing up thinking oh I can't play with a doll because that makes me gay or I cant play with trucks because that will make me lesbian (this is what she says). She just went out and bought my kids cloths well my daughter loves and I mean loves star wars it is the only thing she really will sit down to watch with daddy. My mil just went out got my step son who has down syndrome and really doesn't care about anything (his thing is scooby doo) and bought him a star wars shirt and instead of just getting them all star wars or getting my daughter the shirt she gave it to my step son (we only get 2 weekends a month). Not to mention when I asked her why she didn't get my daughter it she said because they only have it in boy styles and Darren (my step son) would like it more and then went on to say "well you don't want her to be gay do you" . Are you freaking kidding me!!! Also my daughter is 3.

My son loves babies and I mean loves he has to sleep with them in his bed or he will get out and look for them. Well my mil asked me what to get him for a toy and I said a baby. She said "ha are you serious babies are for girls not for boys, I will not allow my grandson to walk around with a pink or purple baby or any baby for that matter" (she places so much on color too it bugs the hell out of me). I said well he likes babies so that is what to get for him. My son is 19 months.

There have been so many other things just like this that she and my fil do and when I ask them why they say because that is just the way they are and more or less tell me to just deal with it.

We are moving a little further away from them and I really do not want to see them often if at all but they said if they don't see them then they will be out side of our house pounding on the doors and windows till we let them.

I am also pregnant and she smokes around 2 packs a day and when we are around her she is kissing and pretty much rubbing my kids on her so they smell like smoke, then she has the nerve to ask me if I want to go somewhere with her (she smokes in her truck) and I say no I don't want to be around the smoke and don't want the kids to be either. So she will have a big fit about that. I don't want her to be kissing and holding my new born with her nasty smoke breath and body (that might sound mean but that is not the first thing I want my child to smell and I wish my other two didn't have to smell it either). She had the right apparently to yell at my daughter to pick up her cup too um hello I am right here and I don't want you yelling at her. Do I have a right to be upset? What do I do about this? I don't know what to do she bugs me so much and I can't stand her. Am I over reacting? 


Yes. Your DD is 3. She can get over NOT having a star wars Tshirt. Be happy your MIL buys your kids anything. Tell your MIL that you will disapline your children. Not her. 

Kerannmer
by Gold Member on Feb. 24, 2013 at 11:47 AM
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I understand why you're upset, but pick your battles.

Don't fight her on gifts she buys for the kids. If you don't make a big deal out of it, it won't be a battle, and really, a gift is just that...not to be determined by you. However, the derogatory comments Grandma has made (especially if they're around the kids) DO need to be confronted. Tell her that if she wants to believe that way, fine, but it's not to be voiced in YOUR home or around your children.

As for the smoking, I feel the same way. I hated holding my newborn after my parents, as she instantly smelled like an ashtray and I knew it wasn't good for her tiny, new lungs. I ended up making several large smocks out of old bedsheets for them to wear when they wanted to spend time with my daughter. They were offended at first, but when I told them I cared more about her health than their feelings, they got over it.

Hopefully, your stress will ease when you move. Stand your ground. Their visits need to be planned ahead or announced. If they choose to be down your doors or windows, call the police.

Kirsten3
by Member on Feb. 24, 2013 at 11:49 AM
What does hubby say about this situation.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous on Feb. 24, 2013 at 11:49 AM
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Well, that makes no sense at all. When it comes to my children's health, "keeping the peace" is not an option. 


Quoting SalemWitchChild:

Well I wouldn't be upset about the shirt thing. Just go buy your daughter a shirt like her brothers so they match. Get him a doll if he wants it.

The smoking. I have a rule that no one smokes around the kids. Except in the car in which case windows must be down and smoke directed out the window. I know its not the best option, but its a compromise to keep the peace. 

The smell on clothing though, really there isn't much you can do about it. And they are the grandparents so they have a right to see your kids too. I'm sure they aren't all bad.


 

andrealeeanne
by on Feb. 24, 2013 at 11:51 AM

You're not over reacting. She's being a sexist jerk. If your kids genuinely enjoy those things, and she genuinely loves them, then she should want to buy them gifts that will make them happy. I'm sorry you have to deal with someone like that. My MIL is the same (although less bad). She wouln't let my son borrow his cousin's swim diapers because they had princesses on them. Also for Christmas she wanted to buy him a toy farm because he likes opening up the roof and playing inside those, when she couldn't find one she mentioned there were a lot of houses. I said he'd be totally fine with a house, he just cares about the roof opening. She then explained "No that's something I'd buy for DD since it's more girly. He's a boy so I'd want to get him a farm." This is from the same woman who prides herself on being a tomboy, and encourages my neice to continue enjoying cars. So essentially, as everywhere else in the world, it's cool for a girl to like "boy" things, but noe for a boy to like "girl" things. Sorry but I get ragey about gender stereotypes, lol.

Litlmama87
by Platinum Member on Feb. 24, 2013 at 11:52 AM
You know her personal stance on the situation. If you want your kids to have something specific that she'll object to, you buy it.
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silverdawn99
by Ruby Member on Feb. 24, 2013 at 11:53 AM
1 mom liked this

lol my children play with everyones toys

legos, army men, barbies and babies and hot wheels

i have two boys and a little girl and whatever they play with is okay with me

RaynesMommy07
by Platinum Member on Feb. 24, 2013 at 11:54 AM
I wouldn't care about the gifts. The smoking thing is a NO-NO! No one is allowed to smoke around my kids. No exceptions. End of story.
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robyann
by on Feb. 24, 2013 at 11:56 AM
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I am a grandparent and I wish I could tell other grandparents just one thing:

STEP BACK AND LET YOUR KIDS RAISE THEIR OWN KIDS!

I mean I love spending time with my grandkids and I get them often. I just don't think it's my place to tell my kids/inlaws what to do with their own child. If I feel it is something that could really harm the child I will say something. Alot of things are just choices, where neither is really bad, so I let them make those choices. I feel it's importand to encourage a confident parent in my child. I am my child's mother---always----my role changes over the years but it is always to help my child and encourage them to grow into a better person. Now that they have kids I encourage them to be great parents, to research and make choices for their kids. They can ask me for my opinion or advice and I will give it, but still they have to make those choices. 

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