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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Attachment parenting damages children

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 152 Replies
1 mom liked this
*This is my personal experience. I know every child and every family is different but I just wanted to share my story to give people something to think about*

I've shared bits and pieces of this on various threads. My mom was an extreme attachment parent before attachment parenting was really a thing. She adopted me and I have often wished that I could have just stayed in the "terrible" situation she adopted me from to save me from all the bullshit I went through with her.

When I was ten, I had a nervous breakdown because of her behaviors and things improved slightly but that is why most of the things listed here end at age 10.

-She co-slept with me until I was 10. After that I was scared to sleep by myself in my own room and developed insomnia for two years and the only sleep I got was a daytime nap.

-Spoon fed me my breakfast every morning until age 10.

-I was not allowed to brush my own teeth, bathe myself or wipe myself (for #2) until I was 10 because she said she couldn't trust me to do it well enough by myself.

-She picked out all my clothes and dressed me.

-She was also a "dance mom" She dressed me in outlandish outfits that she made and forced me to dance in malls and restaurants in hopes that I would "be discovered". She forced me into beauty pageants and dance competitions and I had to do 20 hours a week of dance practice on top of going to school.

-I wasn't allowed to play at friend's houses or spend the night at anyone's house because soneone's dad or brother might rape me.

-I wasn't allowed to play in my yard.

-Even though I begged to have some chores so that I could get allowance, I wasn't allowed to do any house work.

-I was never allowed to close my bedroom door.

Like I said, when I was ten I had a nervous breakdown and some other family members had a sort of intervention with her and she very begrudgingly allowed me a few freedoms. I was allowed to sleep in my room, feed myself, clean myself and pick out my own clothes and dress myself. The rest of the rules remained the same.

When I was 14, she fell and hit her head and developed a head injury. She became addicted to prescription pain pills and almost never left her bed. I had no idea what to do. I didn't know how to wash dishes or do laundry and those things just fell by the wayside. The house was filthy. It always smelled disgusting. I didn't know how to cook anything so I just ate bags of chips and pizza lunchables.

When I was 16 and got my driver's license, I went wild. Drinking, drugs and sex with anyone who would pay attention to me. I moved out the day I turned 18 and continued this lifestyle until I was 22 when I got pregnant with ds and had to shape up my behavior for him. He saved my life. It took me years of therapy to get to a place where I felt confident and comfortable with myself and not afraid of everything and everyone.

I loathe and despise my mother. I can't believe anyone would be so cruel to their child.

I know that not everyone who practices AP is this extreme about it. But please stop and think about your child as an adult. When you don't allow him/her to do things on their own, take risks and learn some independence the only thing that you are teaching is that you believe them to be incapable of it. Your kids want independence. They need it. Please just take a moment to think of your child not as your baby but as a future adult and try to imagine how the things you're doing today are going to effect that adult.
Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 25, 2013 at 4:34 PM
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Replies (1-10):
MalakbelLacuna
by on Feb. 25, 2013 at 4:35 PM
5 moms liked this
so if you know that everyone who parents in this style isnt wrong- why make such a blanket statement in your title?
and I wouldnt call what she did attachment parenting, dont know what I WOULD call it but not AP.
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ColtsFan1912
by FriendoftheFoot on Feb. 25, 2013 at 4:36 PM
3 moms liked this

uh. .. that's way beyond AP to me.

wkukid
by Ocean Wave on Feb. 25, 2013 at 4:37 PM

I'm sorry you had a bad experience:(

delilahsmom1177
by on Feb. 25, 2013 at 4:38 PM

That is a bit far out and NOT AP!!!!!! My DD is 5 and I don't do 1/2 those things and I consider myself to practice AP.

I'm a tattooed,bisexual,pro-choice,pro-legalizing marijuana,pro-gay marriage,anti-war,non-vaxing,tree hugging,animal loving,book reading,animal testing free,depression battling, trying to raise a free spirit and letting her be who she is,fighting for equal rights at the same time,don't like it get over it.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Feb. 25, 2013 at 4:39 PM
My kids are 8&10...they co-sleep still...although they can sleep alone... I pick out their clothes and they do not spend the night anywhere ever...and I don't think ever will... I also don't let them play outside unless I am with them. They can't close their bedroom doors either...
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momto2boys973
by Ruby Member on Feb. 25, 2013 at 4:39 PM
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Well, in all honesty, I don't think that's what AP is about. I've never heard of AP parents not allowing their kids to wash their own teeth or spoon feeding them.
quickbooksworm
by Ruby Member on Feb. 25, 2013 at 4:39 PM
3 moms liked this

That's not attachment parenting in any form.  AP teaches independence.  I've been an AP parent for 7.5 years and not once have I seen ANY 10 year old spoon fed who was capable of feeding themselves.  

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Feb. 25, 2013 at 4:39 PM
Quoting MalakbelLacuna:

so if you know that everyone who parents in this style isnt wrong- why make such a blanket statement in your title?
and I wouldnt call what she did attachment parenting, dont know what I WOULD call it but not AP.



I do believe this style of parenting is bad for children. I just know that not everyone is so extreme about it.

I call it AP because I see parents on here saying they do some of these behaviors and they call it AP.
momto2boys973
by Ruby Member on Feb. 25, 2013 at 4:40 PM
3 moms liked this
Quoting Anonymous:

My kids are 8&10...they co-sleep still...although they can sleep alone... I pick out their clothes and they do not spend the night anywhere ever...and I don't think ever will...


Poor kids.... :(
JenB1983
by Platinum Member on Feb. 25, 2013 at 4:40 PM
17 moms liked this
That's not AP, that's an insane, overbearing, crazy bitch.

But hey, thanks for the pointless blanket statements you backed up with anecdotal "evidence" while trying to discredit a form of parenting numerous real studies have found to be extremely beneficial.
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