I've shared bits and pieces of this on various threads. My mom was an extreme attachment parent before attachment parenting was really a thing. She adopted me and I have often wished that I could have just stayed in the "terrible" situation she adopted me from to save me from all the bullshit I went through with her.
When I was ten, I had a nervous breakdown because of her behaviors and things improved slightly but that is why most of the things listed here end at age 10.
-She co-slept with me until I was 10. After that I was scared to sleep by myself in my own room and developed insomnia for two years and the only sleep I got was a daytime nap.
-Spoon fed me my breakfast every morning until age 10.
-I was not allowed to brush my own teeth, bathe myself or wipe myself (for #2) until I was 10 because she said she couldn't trust me to do it well enough by myself.
-She picked out all my clothes and dressed me.
-She was also a "dance mom" She dressed me in outlandish outfits that she made and forced me to dance in malls and restaurants in hopes that I would "be discovered". She forced me into beauty pageants and dance competitions and I had to do 20 hours a week of dance practice on top of going to school.
-I wasn't allowed to play at friend's houses or spend the night at anyone's house because soneone's dad or brother might rape me.
-I wasn't allowed to play in my yard.
-Even though I begged to have some chores so that I could get allowance, I wasn't allowed to do any house work.
-I was never allowed to close my bedroom door.
Like I said, when I was ten I had a nervous breakdown and some other family members had a sort of intervention with her and she very begrudgingly allowed me a few freedoms. I was allowed to sleep in my room, feed myself, clean myself and pick out my own clothes and dress myself. The rest of the rules remained the same.
When I was 14, she fell and hit her head and developed a head injury. She became addicted to prescription pain pills and almost never left her bed. I had no idea what to do. I didn't know how to wash dishes or do laundry and those things just fell by the wayside. The house was filthy. It always smelled disgusting. I didn't know how to cook anything so I just ate bags of chips and pizza lunchables.
When I was 16 and got my driver's license, I went wild. Drinking, drugs and sex with anyone who would pay attention to me. I moved out the day I turned 18 and continued this lifestyle until I was 22 when I got pregnant with ds and had to shape up my behavior for him. He saved my life. It took me years of therapy to get to a place where I felt confident and comfortable with myself and not afraid of everything and everyone.
I loathe and despise my mother. I can't believe anyone would be so cruel to their child.
I know that not everyone who practices AP is this extreme about it. But please stop and think about your child as an adult. When you don't allow him/her to do things on their own, take risks and learn some independence the only thing that you are teaching is that you believe them to be incapable of it. Your kids want independence. They need it. Please just take a moment to think of your child not as your baby but as a future adult and try to imagine how the things you're doing today are going to effect that adult.