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I'm lonely

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 15 Replies
I have been single 2 years and have not been around many people. It's complicated but I have no friends. I do have family and my child but I am still so lonely. I love love love loooovvveee my son but I really would love to just be embraced and have a conversation.

With my classes it should be a year and a half until I really meet people.

I am going to bed. It would be nice to wake up to some coping tips.

Night!
Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 26, 2013 at 1:52 AM
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Replies (1-10):
zomgkerrie
by Geek Goddess on Feb. 26, 2013 at 2:00 AM
1 mom liked this
What are some hobbies? Look up meetup.com they show local groups you can join based on your interests. Anything from moms, to karaoke, to cooking. Also there are some great online communities. If you had a certain hobby or interest, cooking, movies, etc you could easily find a forum and form some connections there. Also, what about blogging? You could try to get followers and people to interact with you via your blog. These are all things I have done because I have needed that connection for friendship. My son is autistic and I have fibromyalgia so I'm tired and sick a lot. So a majority of my social life is online.there are great people out there just like you looking to make friends! I hope this helped!


Sassy762
by CAFE SASSY HBIC on Feb. 26, 2013 at 2:00 AM
2 moms liked this

10 Tips For Coping With Loneliness - How to Cope If Feeling Lonely

Expert Author Jonathan Huie

Loneliness is a state of mind rather than a measure of how many people you interact with. You can be overwhelmed with a feeling of loneliness in a bustling restaurant or a cheering football stadium, in a business meeting or a family gathering, even while having sex. You can feel contented, complete, and at peace with the world deep in a forest far from the nearest human. So what causes feelings of loneliness and how can you overcome them?

Loneliness is really a form of neediness, the feeling of needing some expression of companionship and support that you don't feel you are getting. You feel lonely when the state of your world doesn't appear to be as it should. We are most likely to feel lonely when we have lost companionship that we previously had - a loved one died, left us, or moved away; our family, social group, or employer has rejected us. We feel the contrast between how things are now and how they used to be better. The other cause of loneliness is comparison with the apparently happy social networks of others. Seeing others appearing to enjoy their connections with family, friends, and lovers, we long for those same pleasures.

Comparisons are odious. - Anonymous

Here are ten tips for coping with feelings of loneliness...

1. Focus on the present. Whenever you find yourself longing for the past, Stop. Bring your attention back to the present. You can't go back to high school and be the cheerleader or football hero again. You can't relive the college sorority or fraternity parties. Rather, look to the great opportunities for your life today and tomorrow.

2. Be yourself and be proud of yourself. You aren't the celebrity being hounded by the news media; you aren't the person down the street with a dozen cars parked out front day and night; you aren't anyone but yourself, and that is a wonderful thing. Be happy and proud that you are exactly who you are.

3. Learn to enjoy spending time completely alone. Once you can be comfortable alone, you will defeat your compulsive need for companionship. Take long silent walks in the woods or on the seashore. Consider going for a multi-day hike and sleeping alone under the stars.

4. Know the purpose of your life, and keep busy with activities that support your purpose. When you know that your life is directed toward an important purpose, the support and encouragement of others lessens in significance. It is much harder to feel lonely when you are actively engaged with tasks that further your vision for your life.

5. Be of service to others. Volunteering your time to those less fortunate has a number of benefits. You will feel good about yourself. You will realize that you really are one of the more fortunate people in the world. The bonus is that service organizations attract the kind of people who have the potential of becoming great friends.

6. Find a furry four-legged friend. If you don't already have a cat or dog, rescue one from your local animal shelter.

7. Join groups for the activities, and let the socializing be a bonus. Try a book, bridge, or sailing club; a kayaking, walking, or hiking group. Take lessons. Learn to dance, sing, play a musical instrument.

8. Be physically active. Walk, do Yoga and Qigong, join the gym, try Latin Cardio Dance. The endorphins that exercise generates make you happier, and it's hard to feel lonely when you're happy.

9. Turn on happy music. Find the kind of music that makes you feel happy and turn up the volume. Dance to your music, sing to your music, let your music reverberate within you.

10. Know that your higher power is always with you. You are never alone when you accept that Spirit is always with you and within you. Have a conversation with your higher power today.

  

Sassy762
by CAFE SASSY HBIC on Feb. 26, 2013 at 2:01 AM

7 Tips for Coping with Loneliness

December 20th, 2010

      inShare3  

By Marta Rocha, MHCI

Click here to contact Marta and/or see her GoodTherapy.org Profile

The holiday season is here. You see people decorating their houses, wrapping gifts and placing them under the Christmas the tree and you feel the warmth and the joy of having your family and friends close to you. The magic of the holidays bring people together and we look forward to this celebration all year long. However, for some of us, this season is a reminder of the mistakes we have made and the people we may have hurt along the way. Maybe the loss of a loved one and a relationship break-up can make the holiday season can make bring up sadness and anxiety. It is very common for some people to feel extremely lonely during this season.

Loneliness has been described as an emotion that is characterized by a feeling of emptiness and solitude.  Some words people use to describe loneliness include: lost, afraid, numb, pain, nothingness, overwhelmed, and so on.

According to Carlson and Love (2010), recent studies have revealed that about 25 percent of the American population has not talked to anyone about anything important to them in six months. Also they found that another 19.6 percent of the people surveyed said that they only have one close friend that they can talk to. These numbers show that close to 50 percent of the population has one close friend or none at all.  How did we get here?

Today we live in a fast-paced world; we work longer hours or get a second job, we have distractions such as the Internet, social media, and cellphones. It’s becoming more and more difficult to develop and nurture relationships. This lifestyle eventually leads to isolation.

fter a while we start to struggle with loneliness.  According to Carlson and Love (2010) as we become more dependent on technology to stay connected to others, the lonelier we become.

Here are a few tips that can help you come out of isolation and live a fulfilled life:

  1. Let go of the past: focus on living the present.  Forgive yourself for the mistakes you have made and make a conscious effort to move forward.
  2. Discover your purpose: stop comparing yourself to others and start defining your own purpose. Ask yourself: “who am I?” and “how am I making a difference in my community?”
  3. Donate your time and talents: give back by helping people that are struggling.  You will feel good about yourself and you will realize that you are not alone and you will start having a sense of gratitude for the life you have now.
  4. Get a pet: rescue a dog or a cat.  It’s hard to be lonely when you have a pet that constantly wants to play and be around you.
  5. Be more active: join a gym, start practicing yoga or running.  Not only exercise is necessary for maintain a good health, the activation of the endorphins will make you feel happy.
  6. Rediscover your hobbies and find a social group: think about the things you enjoyed doing such as singing, dancing, acting and try doing these activities with other people that have the same interests as you.
  7. Laugh and Be Thankful: watch funny movies and read funny jokes; people say that laughter is the best medicine and it’s true. Finally, find opportunities to be thankful everyday. Try coming up with 5 things that you are thankful for and write them down. This exercise will help you shift your focus from the negative to the positive things in your life.

  

stargazerwolf
by Silver Member on Feb. 26, 2013 at 2:02 AM
1 mom liked this

I had a hard time too, when I became a single mom I moved away from everyone I knew for a job I really wanted. I was lonely for so long. I tried to focus on work and my daughter and that was it. I did have some "flings" here and there that she never met of  course (though she was little and wouldn't have remembered) and then one boyfriend short term before I started dating my current boyfriend of almost a year and a half.

I tried to make nights after work fun for her and me, we would watch movies (we had no cable and only internet I used from my phone) we would sometimes bake things, we got pets, we'd go to the park a lot, etc. It definatly is tough, she was almost 2 when I left her dad and then divorced him. I also tried to make sure I talked to people that made me feel good. I'd call family since I couldn't see them, I joined a dating site and started talking to guys on there, even ones I never intended to meet, because it made me feel good that so many thought I was attractive. My ex husband used to treat me so bad and I felt ugly and fat (though I wasn't at all) but I needed that ego boost, even though that sounds stupid.

When I talked to guys on the dating websites, I mean chatted on the website, sending messages, most never knew my real name or anything because I was afraid. I did meet a couple real nice guys and then eventually dated one of them for 3 months. But it felt good to put my pic out there and info as well as the fact that I had a kid and see that there were still guys out there that would date me even if I never met them or anything. Maybe stupid, but it made me feel better. lol

I had to constantly distract myself from the lonely feeling. I longed to have someone sleep in bed next to me and cuddle. It was so hard being so alone. I did at one point let my daughter sleep in bed with me because at least it wasn't as bad, though of course not the same...I'm sorry, i hope some of this can help you. Why is it you can't date even with classes?

Purgatorian
by Bronze Member on Feb. 26, 2013 at 2:06 AM

 This definitely.  I have a GF that has been lonely and I finally got her to go on the MeetUp site, now she is so busy making new friends she rarely has time for me anymore!

I'm happy for her.  She has met all sorts of people interested in similar hobbies and has even had a few dates come out of it!

Quoting zomgkerrie:

What are some hobbies? Look up meetup.com they show local groups you can join based on your interests. Anything from moms, to karaoke, to cooking. Also there are some great online communities. If you had a certain hobby or interest, cooking, movies, etc you could easily find a forum and form some connections there. Also, what about blogging? You could try to get followers and people to interact with you via your blog. These are all things I have done because I have needed that connection for friendship. My son is autistic and I have fibromyalgia so I'm tired and sick a lot. So a majority of my social life is online.there are great people out there just like you looking to make friends! I hope this helped!

 

~~"An insincere and evil friend is more to be feated than a wild beast; a wild beast may wound your body, but an evil friend will wound your mind." -Buddha~~

zomgkerrie
by Geek Goddess on Feb. 26, 2013 at 2:12 AM
Me and DH made friends with another couple on there in one of their geek groups lol. They are the most amazing people I have ever met! Sadly we were relocated due to job but we message daily, call, set up game night where we can play using voice chat. left4Dead is our favorite. They are late 30's and we are late 20's early 30's. I love our friendship. And it all started with meetup.com! I think you should give it a try OP, at least see what groups are nearby :)

Quoting Purgatorian:



Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Feb. 26, 2013 at 2:13 AM
I have 4 classes and only one is on campus and for the next 2 semesters it will be the same. My current class is small and no one in it is someone I would want to hang out with, except maybe this one boy (pretty much the ONLY other smart student) but I haven't talked to him.

Thank you for sharing! I have joined a few sites and browsed but I haven't had the guts to actually contact anyone. I had an ex sorta like your ex so I am a little gun shy.

Now I really have to go to bed! Goodnight.


Quoting stargazerwolf:

I had a hard time too, when I became a single mom I moved away from everyone I knew for a job I really wanted. I was lonely for so long. I tried to focus on work and my daughter and that was it. I did have some "flings" here and there that she never met of  course (though she was little and wouldn't have remembered) and then one boyfriend short term before I started dating my current boyfriend of almost a year and a half.


I tried to make nights after work fun for her and me, we would watch movies (we had no cable and only internet I used from my phone) we would sometimes bake things, we got pets, we'd go to the park a lot, etc. It definatly is tough, she was almost 2 when I left her dad and then divorced him. I also tried to make sure I talked to people that made me feel good. I'd call family since I couldn't see them, I joined a dating site and started talking to guys on there, even ones I never intended to meet, because it made me feel good that so many thought I was attractive. My ex husband used to treat me so bad and I felt ugly and fat (though I wasn't at all) but I needed that ego boost, even though that sounds stupid.


When I talked to guys on the dating websites, I mean chatted on the website, sending messages, most never knew my real name or anything because I was afraid. I did meet a couple real nice guys and then eventually dated one of them for 3 months. But it felt good to put my pic out there and info as well as the fact that I had a kid and see that there were still guys out there that would date me even if I never met them or anything. Maybe stupid, but it made me feel better. lol


I had to constantly distract myself from the lonely feeling. I longed to have someone sleep in bed next to me and cuddle. It was so hard being so alone. I did at one point let my daughter sleep in bed with me because at least it wasn't as bad, though of course not the same...I'm sorry, i hope some of this can help you. Why is it you can't date even with classes?


Anonymous
by Anonymous on Feb. 26, 2013 at 2:16 AM

 blowing kisses

krayzbabylove
by on Feb. 26, 2013 at 2:17 AM
I am incredibly lonely as well.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Emmakins84
by on Feb. 26, 2013 at 2:29 AM
same situation here. I have been single for almost two years. Last year, I was seeing someone but I didn't feel it would go anywhere. I think its the not having someone always there that gets me down. I have my family, but because I have a 2yo, its hard to find time to go out. I don't have many friends, and the ones I do don't have children, so they don't really invite me out much.
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