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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Issues in my marriage (LONG)

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 11 Replies

In the last 24 hours I have learned that there are more issues with communication in my marriage than I thought there were. It got to the point where I thought I was going to lose my husband last night and I was constantly on the edge of a panic attack. Basically the gist of it is that me and my kids are moving 1700 miles away from my hubby and it could last up to a year. He is in the military and the humidity here is texas is messing really bad with my asthma so the kids hardly go outside or have the ability to be the little boys they should be so we decided that for their well being as well as mine me and the kids would move to MILs house. 


Now my hubby has been having serious depression issues with our situation. Not just me and the kids leaving but the medical problems he has been having (bad hip they wont fix and now back problems that they think is a compressed disk) and that there is nothing to do here in the city (yeah I married a country boy) and the fact he has no friends here as he does not like the people he has met that are military. So instead of talking to me and letting me help him through his problems he started getting on those sex meet up sites and talking to people on there. I know he never met any of them as he is always working or home with me and the kids, but it still hurt that he wouldnt talk to me. 


We have both decided to take time each night to sit and talk, even if we have to write it out to each other (both can express things easier through writing) and then discuss it openly. I was terrified we were falling apart and he told me he feels like he has failed his family because the decision to join the military (joint decision) did not pan out the way we planned. He is also scared that when I get up to his moms that I will find someone else, someone better. It looks like we have a long road a head of us, but I am willing and ready to fight for my marriage no matter what it takes. I love this man with all my heart and am not willing to give up. 


Not sure why I am posting this other than I have no one else to talk to about it right now, and I needed to get it out. I know a lot of you will probably say he will cheat when I am gone but he is not that type of man. He really was just looking for friends, but was looking in all the wrong spots. I have to go run some errands so if I don't answer anyones questions for a while I am sorry and will try to get to them as soon as I get home. 

Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 26, 2013 at 10:08 AM
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Replies (1-10):
luckythreemom
by on Feb. 26, 2013 at 11:03 AM
2 moms liked this
I think that it is great that you are going to work on it. All too often people just give up. Communication is very important and writing can often provide you a way to be more honest and open about things. Good luck to your famiy and stay strong! oh what happened to his hip and why can't he hqve surgery?
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Feb. 26, 2013 at 12:46 PM

He has an issue with the cartlidge in his hip joint and a bone spur and they wont do surgery because they feel it is not needed yet. It is rediculous and they didnt give him pain meds to help deal with it or anything. Nothing they have done has helped and all that they have done is physical therapy which made him hurt worse and then a shot in the tendon which bruised the hell out of him but didnt help the pain. 


And thanks, I think I am going to see if I can find that 7 day love challenge or whatever it is that I am always hearing about on here to see if that will help since we only have about 2 weeks before I move. 


Quoting luckythreemom:

I think that it is great that you are going to work on it. All too often people just give up. Communication is very important and writing can often provide you a way to be more honest and open about things. Good luck to your famiy and stay strong! oh what happened to his hip and why can't he hqve surgery?



Anonymous
by Anonymous on Feb. 26, 2013 at 12:53 PM
I highly recommend "Making Marriage Work" by John Gottman
You read it together (independently) then come together for discussion of the topics. It greatly improved communication between my husband and I.
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Feb. 26, 2013 at 12:56 PM

Thank you for the suggestion! I will look that up here in a few minutes.


Quoting Anonymous:

I highly recommend "Making Marriage Work" by John Gottman
You read it together (independently) then come together for discussion of the topics. It greatly improved communication between my husband and I.



CorpCityGrl
by Platinum Member on Feb. 26, 2013 at 12:59 PM

I think that is good that you both are willing and committed to making it work and fixing things.  It's too easy for many to just give up.  Marriage takes work and communication and you guys seem to be taking that seriously.

Is there any way he can get a second opinion about his hip?  Even looking into alternative therapies or alternative medicine?


Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Feb. 26, 2013 at 1:02 PM

Not really with military doctors. The big issue is that even when they do the surgery later on down the road it may not even work. It kills me to see him in so much pain constantly though :( 


Quoting CorpCityGrl:

I think that is good that you both are willing and committed to making it work and fixing things.  It's too easy for many to just give up.  Marriage takes work and communication and you guys seem to be taking that seriously.

Is there any way he can get a second opinion about his hip?  Even looking into alternative therapies or alternative medicine?




CorpCityGrl
by Platinum Member on Feb. 26, 2013 at 1:08 PM


Oh no!  Would he be open to going to a doctor outside of the military then?  They should be managing his pain at least.

Quoting Anonymous:

Not really with military doctors. The big issue is that even when they do the surgery later on down the road it may not even work. It kills me to see him in so much pain constantly though :( 


Quoting CorpCityGrl:

I think that is good that you both are willing and committed to making it work and fixing things.  It's too easy for many to just give up.  Marriage takes work and communication and you guys seem to be taking that seriously.

Is there any way he can get a second opinion about his hip?  Even looking into alternative therapies or alternative medicine?






Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Feb. 26, 2013 at 1:15 PM

The issue with that is if and when he gets med boarded that treatment would not be on his military records. Plus it will cost an arm and a leg and we cant afford that.


Quoting CorpCityGrl:


Oh no!  Would he be open to going to a doctor outside of the military then?  They should be managing his pain at least.

Quoting Anonymous:

Not really with military doctors. The big issue is that even when they do the surgery later on down the road it may not even work. It kills me to see him in so much pain constantly though :( 


Quoting CorpCityGrl:

I think that is good that you both are willing and committed to making it work and fixing things.  It's too easy for many to just give up.  Marriage takes work and communication and you guys seem to be taking that seriously.

Is there any way he can get a second opinion about his hip?  Even looking into alternative therapies or alternative medicine?








CorpCityGrl
by Platinum Member on Feb. 26, 2013 at 1:16 PM


Ahhh...I see!

Is there any way he can get stationed elsewhere closer to you guys? 

He'll have to tackly his depression and once you guys move, he'll be isolated and won't have a support system and it may be harder for him.

Quoting Anonymous:

The issue with that is if and when he gets med boarded that treatment would not be on his military records. Plus it will cost an arm and a leg and we cant afford that.


Quoting CorpCityGrl:


Oh no!  Would he be open to going to a doctor outside of the military then?  They should be managing his pain at least.

Quoting Anonymous:

Not really with military doctors. The big issue is that even when they do the surgery later on down the road it may not even work. It kills me to see him in so much pain constantly though :( 


Quoting CorpCityGrl:

I think that is good that you both are willing and committed to making it work and fixing things.  It's too easy for many to just give up.  Marriage takes work and communication and you guys seem to be taking that seriously.

Is there any way he can get a second opinion about his hip?  Even looking into alternative therapies or alternative medicine?










Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Feb. 26, 2013 at 1:27 PM

No he can't. We were supposed to all move to ft. riley in March but his unit refused to allow him to reenlist and so he can't get restationed. We are working on finding him something to do once me and the kids are gone by using meetup.com. Hopefully he will be able to find a group on there that share some of his interests and he can get out an do something. He used to go out and ride his motorcycle when he would need that time out but he cant ride anymore thanks to the hip problem so we sold his bike. 


Quoting CorpCityGrl:


Ahhh...I see!

Is there any way he can get stationed elsewhere closer to you guys? 

He'll have to tackly his depression and once you guys move, he'll be isolated and won't have a support system and it may be harder for him.

Quoting Anonymous:

The issue with that is if and when he gets med boarded that treatment would not be on his military records. Plus it will cost an arm and a leg and we cant afford that.


Quoting CorpCityGrl:


Oh no!  Would he be open to going to a doctor outside of the military then?  They should be managing his pain at least.

Quoting Anonymous:

Not really with military doctors. The big issue is that even when they do the surgery later on down the road it may not even work. It kills me to see him in so much pain constantly though :( 


Quoting CorpCityGrl:

I think that is good that you both are willing and committed to making it work and fixing things.  It's too easy for many to just give up.  Marriage takes work and communication and you guys seem to be taking that seriously.

Is there any way he can get a second opinion about his hip?  Even looking into alternative therapies or alternative medicine?












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