Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Help finding adopted siblings in North Dakota

Posted by   + Show Post

This is for a a friend, she found out right before her mother passed that she has a few (2 brothers?) that were put up for adoption in North Dakota.  She has lost her father too and is all alone.  She would really like to find her siblings not necessarily to start a relationship but she would love that, she just wants to say hi and let them know that they are not alone in the world either.  She just feels all alone in the world.

She tried to get records from the capitol but the laws in ND are pretty harsh about releasing info.  She doesn't have a lot of money and can't hire a service.  Any suggestions on how she could go about this?

by on Feb. 26, 2013 at 2:46 PM
Replies (21-30):
onethentwins
by Platinum Member on Feb. 26, 2013 at 9:04 PM
1 mom liked this


Of course they should. Every one should know the fundamental truth about their own lives. Who has the right to keep that from a person? The "secrets and lies" era, the days of "just raise them like you gave birth to them" are long gone. 

Quoting marinenonstop:

If they dont know they're adopted..they should know??? Why?


Quoting onethentwins:

Not a good idea. Adoption agencies are notoriously anti-adult adoptee and anti-reunion. These people are adults, if they don't know they're adopted they damn well should do. If they don't want a reunion they can say so. 



Quoting marinenonstop:

When children are adopted out..i think it's best if they decide if they want to meet the bio family. She could try posting her info with agencies that work with adopted children..but not directly contact them herself. What if they dont know they're adopted? What if they dont want to be found? Ya know







marinenonstop
by on Feb. 26, 2013 at 9:08 PM
To each their own.. but i believe that's the families choice. If they dont want to tell them they're adopted that's on them. It depends on the child actually. Some can handle knowing the truth..others cant.


Quoting onethentwins:


Of course they should. Every one should know the fundamental truth about their own lives. Who has the right to keep that from a person? The "secrets and lies" era, the days of "just raise them like you gave birth to them" are long gone. 


Quoting marinenonstop:

If they dont know they're adopted..they should know??? Why?





Quoting onethentwins:

Not a good idea. Adoption agencies are notoriously anti-adult adoptee and anti-reunion. These people are adults, if they don't know they're adopted they damn well should do. If they don't want a reunion they can say so. 




Quoting marinenonstop:

When children are adopted out..i think it's best if they decide if they want to meet the bio family. She could try posting her info with agencies that work with adopted children..but not directly contact them herself. What if they dont know they're adopted? What if they dont want to be found? Ya know











Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
marinenonstop
by on Feb. 26, 2013 at 9:08 PM
To each their own.. but i believe that's the families choice. If they dont want to tell them they're adopted that's on them. It depends on the child actually. Some can handle knowing the truth..others cant.


Quoting onethentwins:


Of course they should. Every one should know the fundamental truth about their own lives. Who has the right to keep that from a person? The "secrets and lies" era, the days of "just raise them like you gave birth to them" are long gone. 


Quoting marinenonstop:

If they dont know they're adopted..they should know??? Why?





Quoting onethentwins:

Not a good idea. Adoption agencies are notoriously anti-adult adoptee and anti-reunion. These people are adults, if they don't know they're adopted they damn well should do. If they don't want a reunion they can say so. 




Quoting marinenonstop:

When children are adopted out..i think it's best if they decide if they want to meet the bio family. She could try posting her info with agencies that work with adopted children..but not directly contact them herself. What if they dont know they're adopted? What if they dont want to be found? Ya know











Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
onethentwins
by Platinum Member on Feb. 26, 2013 at 9:12 PM


We're talking about adults here. Adopted children don't stay children forever now do they? These men have every right to know their sister.

Quoting marinenonstop:

To each their own.. but i believe that's the families choice. If they dont want to tell them they're adopted that's on them. It depends on the child actually. Some can handle knowing the truth..others cant.


Quoting onethentwins:


Of course they should. Every one should know the fundamental truth about their own lives. Who has the right to keep that from a person? The "secrets and lies" era, the days of "just raise them like you gave birth to them" are long gone. 


Quoting marinenonstop:

If they dont know they're adopted..they should know??? Why?





Quoting onethentwins:

Not a good idea. Adoption agencies are notoriously anti-adult adoptee and anti-reunion. These people are adults, if they don't know they're adopted they damn well should do. If they don't want a reunion they can say so. 




Quoting marinenonstop:

When children are adopted out..i think it's best if they decide if they want to meet the bio family. She could try posting her info with agencies that work with adopted children..but not directly contact them herself. What if they dont know they're adopted? What if they dont want to be found? Ya know













mmyof2armywife
by on Feb. 26, 2013 at 9:17 PM

Bump.

marinenonstop
by on Feb. 26, 2013 at 9:20 PM
Yes im talking about adults as well. Some cant handle knowing that they're adopted. I dont think they have a "right" to know her if they don't know she even exists. Should they find out that they're adopted and want to find her...that's their business. I feel once a child is adopted, the entire bio family no longer have a choice or say in that child's life. If the adopted parents want to tell them..that's their choice.


Quoting onethentwins:


We're talking about adults here. Adopted children don't stay children forever now do they? These men have every right to know their sister.


Quoting marinenonstop:

To each their own.. but i believe that's the families choice. If they dont want to tell them they're adopted that's on them. It depends on the child actually. Some can handle knowing the truth..others cant.





Quoting onethentwins:


Of course they should. Every one should know the fundamental truth about their own lives. Who has the right to keep that from a person? The "secrets and lies" era, the days of "just raise them like you gave birth to them" are long gone. 



Quoting marinenonstop:

If they dont know they're adopted..they should know??? Why?








Quoting onethentwins:

Not a good idea. Adoption agencies are notoriously anti-adult adoptee and anti-reunion. These people are adults, if they don't know they're adopted they damn well should do. If they don't want a reunion they can say so. 





Quoting marinenonstop:

When children are adopted out..i think it's best if they decide if they want to meet the bio family. She could try posting her info with agencies that work with adopted children..but not directly contact them herself. What if they dont know they're adopted? What if they dont want to be found? Ya know



















Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Feb. 26, 2013 at 9:23 PM
My dad was adopted in ND. About 13 years ago his half sister found him. I'm not sure how though. Was it through the state or a private agency? I do know that if my grandmother had been alive he never would have accepted contact. We have met the birthmom and half sister. Dad keeps in contact with them, but I have had a lot of issues with it. My grandmother lived with us until I was 8 and helped raised me.
onethentwins
by Platinum Member on Feb. 26, 2013 at 9:36 PM
1 mom liked this


Well then we disagree. I firmly believe the adoptive family are wrong to keep those kinds of secrets from their adult children. Actually I'd go further and say they don't have the right to keep secrets and lies like that to their minor children either. Of course, I know you certainly wont agree with that. 

Quoting marinenonstop:

Yes im talking about adults as well. Some cant handle knowing that they're adopted. I dont think they have a "right" to know her if they don't know she even exists. Should they find out that they're adopted and want to find her...that's their business. I feel once a child is adopted, the entire bio family no longer have a choice or say in that child's life. If the adopted parents want to tell them..that's their choice.


marinenonstop
by on Feb. 26, 2013 at 9:39 PM
You're right..i dont agree. Why? From personal experience. I wish to God we had never told my little sister she was adopted. It completely changed her and she had major identity issues because of it.


Quoting onethentwins:


Well then we disagree. I firmly believe the adoptive family are wrong to keep those kinds of secrets from their adult children. Actually I'd go further and say they don't have the right to keep secrets and lies like that to their minor children either. Of course, I know you certainly wont agree with that. 


Quoting marinenonstop:

Yes im talking about adults as well. Some cant handle knowing that they're adopted. I dont think they have a "right" to know her if they don't know she even exists. Should they find out that they're adopted and want to find her...that's their business. I feel once a child is adopted, the entire bio family no longer have a choice or say in that child's life. If the adopted parents want to tell them..that's their choice.




Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
adopteeme
by Bronze Member on Feb. 27, 2013 at 3:11 AM
2 moms liked this
Quoting marinenonstop:

How old was your sister when she was told?
I can't even fathom being a late discovery adoptee. That would be the ultimate mind blow.
Identity issues ten fold.


OP,
This will give your friend somewhere to start:

http://www.nd.gov/dhs/services/childfamily/adoption/disclosure.html

North Dakota Century Code 14-15-16 provides that an adopted individual, a birth parent, or a birth sibling of an adopted individual may initiate a search for the adoptee/ birth parent. As of August 1, 2003, an adult child of a deceased adopted individual may also initiate a search.

Searches may be made for either non-identifying information or for identifying information. When completing an identified search, a request for updated medical information may be made.
An adopted individual may request a search when they reach age 18.
A birth parent or birth sibling may request a search when the adopted individual being sought reaches age 21.
The law requires individuals involved in the search process to consent to the release of identifying information about themselves.
The search agency must make personal and confidential contact with the person being sought to request their consent.
The licensed child placing agency that facilitated the adoption, or (if a facilitating agency cannot be identified) a licensed child placement agency of the searcher's choice completes the search.
Search agencies may charge a fee for the search.
Types of Information Made Available
Non-identifying information about the adopted adult and the adopted adult's birth relatives may include:
Date and place of the adopted adult's birth
Age of the birth parents and a description of their general physical appearances
Race, ethnicity, religion, and medical history of the birth parents
Type of termination of parental rights
Facts and circumstances relating to the adoptive placement
Age and sex of children of the birth parents at the time of adoption
Educational levels of the birth parents and their occupations, interests, or skills
Any supplemental information about the medical or social conditions of members of the birth family provided since the adoption was complete.
Medical history is rarely updated, making the information as old as the adopted adult. Past records may contain sparse information collected at the time of the adoption either because a birth mother was hesitant to disclose information or because adoption agencies, private facilitators, and lawyers did not place importance on this information at the time. State laws now require collection of more information at the time of the adoption for full disclosure of heath and background information to the adoptive parents.

More recent medical information may be obtained by requesting the agency search for the birth family and ask them to provide updated medical information.

Identifying information may lead to the positive identification of an adopted adult, birth mother, or birth father. Names, addresses, and dates contained in court records or submitted to the state Department of Health, Division of Vital Records, are usually considered identifying information.

Obtaining an Original Birth Certificate
An adoptee must petition a court to order the North Dakota Department of Health's Division of Vital Records to release the original birth certificate (see NDCC 23-02.1-18).
For further information, individuals may contact the Division of Vital Records at (701) 328-2360.
Starting an Adoption Search
Contact the Department of Human Services for the forms to begin the adoption search, or access through the State's Electronic Forms Web site. The form numbers required are: SFN 940, Search/ Disclosure Request and SFN 1992, Release of Information - Search/ Disclosure. When you have completed the forms, you may forward to the licensed child placing agency that facilitated the adoption (see Licensed Adoption Agencies in ND). If you do not know which agency was involved in the adoption, you may forward to the Department's Adoption Service Unit, Children and Family Services Division. If you know the agency that will conduct the search, you should enclose the fee payment, made payable to the agency. The Department does not conduct the search, so no fee payment should be made to the Department. If you have questions about the fee payment, please phone 701-328-2316.
Contact the child-placing agency that was involved with the adoption, if known.
A child-placing agency will conduct the search process. Should you request identifying information or non-identifying information not on file, please keep in mind that North Dakota law provides that a child-placing agency has a period of three months to make reasonable effort to notify the adopted adult/ genetic parents/siblings of your request.
Fees for Adoption Search
State Statute allows the licensed child-placing agency to charge a fee for services. Each agency has established a fee for services for both identifying and non-identifying information. Currently established fees are:.
Catholic Charities North Dakota
Identifying Information - $400.00
Non-identifying Information - $75.00
Christian Family Life Services
Identifying Information - $400.00
Non-identifying Information - $75.00
Lutheran Social Services
Identifying Information - $450.00
Non-identifying Information - $100.00
The Village Family Service Center
Identifying Information - $450.00
Non-identifying Information - $100.00
No information can be provided until the appropriate fee is paid. Please make your check out to the appropriate agency if you are forwarding forms to the Department.
 

 Edit: since there is a fee, have her start out with non-Id. There may be additional clues for searching. Personally- I would not suggest spending money on the privilege of the State or agency conducting search/contact on her behalf. Save that as a last effort. I can tell you how this doesn't work for everyone and she may be out the money with NO results!

----------------
South Dakota
http://dss.sd.gov/adoption/adoptionregistry/
Voluntary Adoption Registry

The South Dakota Department of Social Services maintains a Voluntary Adoption Registry of adoptees and natural parents who have consented to the release of identifying information about themselves. All consents indicate to whom the information may be released and whether the adoptee desires release of this identifying information after his or her death. A person who uses this voluntary register may revoke consent at any time.

The purpose of the registry is to facilitate voluntary contact between adoptees 18 years or older who were born in South Dakota and their birth parents. Siblings of the adopted person 18 or older may also register. In the event that a match occurs, the Department of Social Services will notify you by mail.

The registry is passive, meaning the Department of Social Services does not search for adoptees or for birth parents whose names are not included in the registry.

Register with the South Dakota Voluntary Adoption Registry:
Print Form
Online Form
Completed forms should be mailed to:

Department of Social Services
Division of Child Protection Services
Adoption Unit
700 Governors Drive
Pierre, SD 57501
For more information:

Please contact the Adoption Unit at (605) 773-3227.
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)



Featured