Confessions of a Real Stepmom OP in BLACK - EDIT 1 in RED - EDIT 2 in BLUE
Here are my confessions - I'm bored at work, so at least until I have somethng to work on, I'm going to post my real stepmom confessions
Child support - I really could care less about child support.I'm not angry about it, I don't resent the money going out. I make my own money and support my self and my children. My husband was responsible enough to set up the child support to be garnished from his paycheck. We never see the money, so I don't really care about it. However, if my husband loses his job, I will not be paying child support. I have two children of my own to support, that are also DH's children.
Please tell me why I should take my income, and support my step daughter if my husband loses his job?? If he loses his job, is BM expected to take her income and support my children?? No - that's absurd. My children are also losing half of their income as is SD - fair is fair is fair right . I'm not going to take from my children
Visitation - I don't care how often your children are here visiting their father. My only rule is that she is not here when my husband is not. She does not repsect me as an adult in my home, she can go back to BM when her dad is unavailable.
Please tell me how SD would benefit from spending time with SM versus BF and BM ?? Alot of people have this stippulation put in their custody orders. Since it's coming from SM it's wrong right?
Custody - I do not want my husband to have custody of your child together. Most step moms don't. Most step moms are not child stealers and we are not forcing our husbands to file for more custody. When I met my husband, he made it clear that barring extraordinary circumstances, you would always have custody, and him visitation - That is what I signed up for.
What is so horrible about a BF saying that BM has always had custody and it's going to stay that way, and SM agreeing. There is no reason for custody to change hands
Loving your child - Ehh. I don't love my step daughter. I like her most of the time, but I don't love her. She is only here 4 days a month, and she is not my child. Not exactly enough time to get to know her and love her? My children love her, and my husband loves her -. I am her dads wife and the mother of her siblings
Nope, not even gonna lie. I don't love SD and I think it is creepy when NON CUSTODIAL step parents say they love their step child as their own, I barely know this kid - How can I love her? It would be different if she lived with us full time
Sick days - I did not have your child, and I barely know her. I've seen her about 100 times ever. I am not taking time off of work to sit with her when she is sick. She doesn't want me, she wants her mom or dad , one of you need to do it
Again, I am not sacrificing my income for a child that I have no legal rights to. What good can come of me staying home with sick SD??? I can't take her to the doctor if need be, I lose income, SD wants her mom, hell I'm 24 and still want my mom when I'm sick...
MY LIFE -
My money, my kids, my health, my marriage, my home, my kids school, my family, my job, my education, my anything is none of your business.
True true true
I do not concern myself with you, please keep your nose out of my business
26 days a month, I do not think about you at all. Except on the days that your child is in my home, you do not exist. I do not check your emails to my husband, texts, listen in on phone calls, intercept phone calls etc. I simply do not care about you and your life. I did not make this child, and anything pertaining to your child is between you and my husband.
What is wrong with a SM who minds their own damn business????
I may think of your child much more than 4 days a month. I would say I think of your child about 16-20 days a month. but that's only when I change the sheets on her bed, dust her room, buy her new stuff, pick out her favorite dinners to cook when she's over , plan family events, pick her chalk up out of the yard so it's not rained on- When I do the things that I do to make sure she is comfortable and enjoys her time with her dad ! That is important to me.
Yes, it is important to me that my husband and my step daughter enjoy their time together. Four days a month is not much, so I make sure that they can relax and enjoy eachothers company without having to worry about chores, or what's for dinner, or one of her items was ruined.. I make sure none of that happens and they can just have a good time
I'm a real step mom -
Any other step moms have any confessions ??
I figured I would update this - BM and I actually get along great! She stays out of my business, I stay out of hers. The first year was rough. She wasn't ready for her daughter to have another woman in her life and figured I would be a stereotypical SM without giving me a chance.
I didn't know what the hell I was doing, and based my opinion of her on my in law's shit talking. I viewed her as a typical money hungry BM ( the kind you see on TV )
We clashed alot, and eventually, we both fell into our roles. Her as the EX and the MOTHER - Me as the WIFE and the STEP mother
Her boyfriend plays pretty much the same role as I do, except, he has more of a relationship with SD because he lives with her 26 days a month, where as I only live with her 4 days a month.
All adults are happy and get along
The point of this post was more of a PSA - it's okay for step moms to feel this way. It's okay for some parents to be okay with being every other weekend parents. My husband accepts that BM is the better parent, just as he accepts that I am the better parent of our children.
He does not suck as a father. He's actually pretty good at being a dad, but mom's got it handled, why change it up on the kid?
It's okay for BM's to want SM to back off, but it's not okay for BM's to demand more involvement from SM. It's not okay for SM to stick her nose where it does not belong and it's not okay for BF to try to change things up on the kid just because he's got a new wife. It's not okay for BF to not pay child support, but if things happen, like the loss of a job, it's a great way to teach the child adaptability.