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Confessions of a Real Stepmom OP in BLACK - EDIT 1 in RED - EDIT 2 in BLUE

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

Here are my confessions - I'm bored at work, so at least until I have somethng to work on, I'm going to post my real stepmom confessions

Child support - I really could care less about child support.I'm not angry about it, I don't resent the money going out. I make my own money and support my self and my children. My husband was responsible enough to set up the child support to be garnished from his paycheck. We never see the money, so I don't really care about it. However, if my husband loses his job, I will not be paying child support. I have two children of my own to support, that are also DH's children.

Please tell me why I should take my income, and support my step daughter if my husband loses his job?? If he loses his job, is BM expected to take her income and support my children?? No - that's absurd. My children are also losing half of their income as is SD - fair is fair is fair right . I'm not going to take from my children

Visitation - I don't care how often your children are here visiting their father. My only rule is that she is not here when my husband is not. She does not repsect me as an adult in my home, she can go back to BM when her dad is unavailable.

Please tell me how SD would benefit from spending time with SM versus BF and BM ?? Alot of people have this stippulation put in their custody orders. Since it's coming from SM it's wrong right?

Custody - I do not want my husband to have custody of your child together. Most step moms don't. Most step moms are not child stealers and we are not forcing our husbands to file for more custody. When I met my husband, he made it clear that barring extraordinary circumstances, you would always have custody, and him visitation - That is what I signed up for.

What is so horrible about a BF saying that BM has always had custody and it's going to stay that way, and SM agreeing. There is no reason for custody to change hands

Loving your child - Ehh. I don't love my step daughter. I like her most of the time, but I don't love her. She is only here 4 days a month, and she is not my child. Not exactly enough time to get to know her and love her? My children love her, and my husband loves her -. I am her dads wife and the mother of her siblings

Nope, not even gonna lie. I don't love SD and I think it is creepy when NON CUSTODIAL step parents say they love their step child as their own, I barely know this kid - How can I love her? It would be different if she lived with us full time

Sick days - I did not have your child, and I barely know her. I've seen her about 100 times ever. I am not taking time off of work to sit with her when she is sick. She doesn't want me, she wants her mom or dad , one of you need to do it

Again, I am not sacrificing my income for a child that I have no legal rights to. What good can come of me staying home with sick SD??? I can't take her to the doctor if need be, I lose income, SD wants her mom, hell I'm 24 and still want my mom when I'm sick...


My money, my kids, my health, my marriage, my home, my kids school, my family, my job, my education, my anything is none of your business.

True true true

I do not concern myself with you, please keep your nose out of my business


26 days a month, I do not think about you at all. Except on the days that your child is in my home, you do not exist. I do not check your emails to my husband, texts, listen in on phone calls, intercept phone calls etc. I simply do not care about you and your life. I did not make this child, and anything pertaining to your child is between you and my husband.

What is wrong with a SM who minds their own damn business????

I may think of your child much more than 4 days a month. I would say I think of your child about 16-20 days a month. but that's only when I change the sheets on her bed, dust her room, buy her new stuff, pick out her favorite dinners to cook when she's over , plan family events, pick her chalk up out of the yard so it's not rained on- When I do the things that I do to make sure she is comfortable and enjoys her time with her dad ! That is important to me.

Yes, it is important to me that my husband and my step daughter enjoy their time together. Four days a month is not much, so I make sure that they can relax and enjoy eachothers company without having to worry about chores, or what's for dinner, or one of her items was ruined.. I make sure none of that happens and they can just have a good time

I'm a real step mom -

Any other step moms have any confessions ??

I figured I would update this - BM and I actually get along great! She stays out of my business, I stay out of hers. The first year was rough. She wasn't ready for her daughter to have another woman in her life and figured I would be a stereotypical SM without giving me a chance.

I didn't know what the hell I was doing, and based my opinion of her on my in law's shit talking. I viewed her as a typical money hungry BM ( the kind you see on TV )

We clashed alot, and eventually, we both fell into our roles. Her as the EX and the MOTHER - Me as the WIFE and the STEP mother

Her boyfriend plays pretty much the same role as I do, except, he has more of a relationship with SD because he lives with her 26 days a month, where as I only live with her 4 days a month.

All adults are happy and get along

The point of this post was more of a PSA - it's okay for step moms to feel this way. It's okay for some parents to be okay with being every other weekend parents. My husband accepts that BM is the better parent, just as he accepts that I am the better parent of our children.

He does not suck as a father. He's actually pretty good at being a dad, but mom's got it handled, why change it up on the kid?

It's okay for BM's to want SM to back off, but it's not okay for BM's to demand more involvement from SM. It's not okay for SM to stick her nose where it does not belong and it's not okay for BF to try to change things up on the kid just because he's got a new wife. It's not okay for BF to not pay child support, but if things happen, like the loss of a job, it's a great way to teach the child adaptability.

Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 27, 2013 at 11:14 AM
Replies (11-20):
by Sapphire Member on Feb. 27, 2013 at 11:26 AM
Reading between the lines it seems there is some acrimony and possibly jealousy on the part of bio mom towards you. You can post this here but have you ever told this to mom? I would maybe put it a little differently but maybe you should. Also I hope that at some point you get to know your SD better and learn to love her.
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by Lorelai on Feb. 27, 2013 at 11:27 AM
1 mom liked this
I'm very glad that my stepmom does not feel this way about me. And even more glad that my DD's stepmom doesn't feel this way about her.
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by Gold Member on Feb. 27, 2013 at 11:28 AM
1 mom liked this
You are an asshole!
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by Anonymous 7 on Feb. 27, 2013 at 11:28 AM
You don't sound bad but I am glad my kids step mom is more involved in their lives and loves them. We however are not the norm. Its kind of a mine, his,hers,theirs, and our thing. All of the siblings full, half and step hang out at their house and our house. On holidays all of us get together and sometimes other occasions as well. However the four of us myself, my husband, my exhusband and his wife get along great. Between the four of us we have 9 children whom we all spend time with.
by Anonymous 8 on Feb. 27, 2013 at 11:34 AM

I'm a 100% of the time stepmom , the bio is a piece of shit that ran away years ago only to 1/2 ass stab at communication when sober and drug-free ( which is rare , 1 time in past 3 yrs) But loves to scream everyone is evil and keeps her from kids (pretty sure has a needle hanging out of her skanky arm at the time) BTW 2 other kids were taken from her too.

by on Feb. 27, 2013 at 11:35 AM
4 moms liked this

Very, very nice post OP.

But learn this very hypocritical a SM society (BM's in particular) demand you love the little darling as your own, coo and ooh over them, declare your undying love immediatley, bow down to the altar of the uterus that birthed the child, bend over backwards, forget your own humanity all in the name of being a SM.

But don't EVER forget you are NOT THEIR MOTHER!  And don't ever think you have the right to make a simple decision pertaining to your skid(s) because that would be "overstepping your boundaries".  Keep your nose out of BM's business but open your life up to her inspection, after all she's "the mother of the children and it's her right to know all about you".  Be happy and joyful to overpay and spend, spend, spend on the precious darlings, but don't DARE ask where the CS is going when the kid doesn't even own a coat in the middle of winter. 

Remember, she is not your child. But if biodad gets laid off and can't make his CS payment you better damn well step up and pay his CS for him....after all, you aren't her mother.   Wait.  That doesn't make sense.  You aren't her parent but you better pay CS?  Hmmm....I have to go see how I can make this "logical"....I know it's the mantra of BM's everywhere but for some reason it sounds batshit crazy.  Hmmm

**Just call me Stuart**

by Ruby Member on Feb. 27, 2013 at 11:38 AM
1 mom liked this

And I'm sure that your feelings are well known to the child too. Good for you!

by on Feb. 27, 2013 at 11:38 AM


by on Feb. 27, 2013 at 11:39 AM
This exactly.


wow, i am a step mom and i fell in love with step dd almost instantly. i didnt spend much time with her either. i love her as i love my own. i wish she were here more often and there is nothing i wouldnt do for her that i wouldnt do for my own children. you give step moms a bad name
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by on Feb. 27, 2013 at 11:40 AM
1 mom liked this

Glad you're honest , especially about the love part. I always called bs on those who say they love their step children as much as their own.

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