All these mental health post got me thinking. This is my confession.
I have/had bi polar, odd, add, manic depressive and I exhibit masochistic personality traits. I used to cut myself, not to die, just to hurt myself.
I would put myself in situations that I knew would hurt me, I would get in trouble, then talk my way out of it.
I would do something I was told not to do and then tell who ever said not to do it all about it.
I would find people's buttons, easily, I could get under your skin in a heart beat, and I would. Until you exploded. Then I would make you feel guilty.
I was a total asshole.
I pushed people away when they wanted to help me, then I'd cry because nobody would help.
I still act like a small child sometimes, but in seven years I've over come a lot of that. People say it isn't something you can change about yourself, that it's hard wired in to you.
I have to agree, I will always battle with the way my brain reacts to things, but I've been a lot better with thinking about how I'm effecting those around me.
I've been able to say I'm sorry for how I acted and move on, though I will always bare the scars, and I can't undo the emotional damage I've caused to my family (mom, dad, brother ext.)
They know I'm sorry, and they know I'm trying my hardest.