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for once try and NOT judge and try and understand why.. ETA*** 03/01/13!!!!!!! response!

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 167 Replies
7 moms liked this

When i was 15 i met my now ex DH, we dated for 3 years then we got married, after a year of being married we divorced, only to reunite 9 months after that divorce, we got engaged again and prepared to get remarry, But this time we agreed to take our time and fix our issues and save up for a big wedding (not another court wedding like the first time). so here we are 5 years later with  one child who is 9 months. We have ended our relationship, realizied that we may have just grew apart.. we dont get along anymore.. and our relationship is unstable and unhealthy.

when i was 16 i met another boy his name (fake name) was rico.  he was complete opposite from my exdh, he was peurto rican, with a funny personality bubbly, loved to make me laugh type.. whenever dh and i would go through our childish problems and break up for two three days i would call rico. (we never would have sex) he would tell me to come over, wed go to parties, play video games, or hed take me to his family's houses and we would have drinks play cards etc...(im not talking about underage drinking rememeber this is from 16 onward my entire relationship) a part of me fell in love with rico, for over 3years we did this secret meet up and he didnt ask me for anything in return.. hed listen to my sob stories give me advice, maybe a kiss on the cheek etc... well one of these years we had sex.. it was great.  about 4 more years go by still sme thing between us id only call him when dh and i were fighting and broken up out of 7 years we had sex only 3 times. when i got pregnant however with dh. rico and i went out of contact for almost a year.. 

now im single and i miss him.. i think about him everyday, i dont have his number only his facebook. i never told rico i loved him i never told him that if he wouldve said to me (sarah fakename) leave your dh and be with me i would have in a heart beat, i never seen or heard of him being  in a relationship so i never made that point to him either.. he was one of those "relationships" where the two of you knew how you feel about eachother without saying it type of thing. 

now i heard he has dd only about a month old.. we got into contact 1 time on face book, he said the woman he had her with is someone he too is on and off with (more on than off) i congradualted him etc we had a very grown up and innocent conversation. so my issue is this i feel incomplete i feel like i never told him what he really meant to me. everyday i look at his page and i tear up thinking about the one who got away. 

would you tell him or just leave it be? 


for the ones who said yes i should tell him.. can you help me write up something to say? i will send it to his face book, and update on what he says....



this is what i wrote

hey i know we have lost that connection we had before, and i can see how both of our lives have changed drastically from when i met you when i was still a teen. i don't mean to intrude and i don't expect anything from you, even if you choose not to respond i understand and there is no hard feelings. i just have to get some things off of my chest and right now i feel like i have the courage to do so.. over the years you have been a great friend and support system to me, you were patient and kind to me when the one i had in my life was not.. i really want to thank you for the way you were to me, i feel like i i would have realized back then how important you are now we might have had a different out come in life.. but i made my choices and you have made yours, again i don't want to stir up any trouble if you are in a relationship right now with your daughters mom, but i also don't want to regret never telling you how i feel and felt for you. i love you     for all the good things you were to me.. its because of you i think i did not loose my mind over that 10 year relationship.. you do not need to respond and if you feel it would potentially cause a problem in the family you have now i do not want you to respond. but i had to tell you how i feel, and I'm sorry if i ever hurt you or made you feel like you were just "a side " thing.. wishing you all the happiness in the world

what do you think? to long ? repetitive ? or desperate?

i sent the letter to him, omg my heart is pounding! im so nervous and im getting that little kid feeling like dammit did that make sense? should i have wrote it better? shorter? ugh ... it is what it is.. ladies i do not want to break up a happy home or be a home wrecker, honestly id be ok if i knew we would only be friends.. im not that type of person and that is why i worded my letter the way i did... after a year of no contact it frightens me most that i might have lost a true friend.. and that is something i dont want.. especially since he was so nice to me..

ladies well for those who wanted an update ! HE CALLED ME!!! not write back on fb or anything but just called:
so i get a call from an unsaved number i answer and who says "so he is suppose to publish the book you wrote me lol"
and the conversation continued from there, for about 10 min (he called me on his break at work) we talked about how were doing and the our new lives as parents etc... nice and sweet, hopefully well speak again in more detail of what i wrote but as it seems he and his daughters mom is not together but they are working together on properly raising their daughter...im beyond excited! just to hear his voice is such a relief to me..!
Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 28, 2013 at 12:03 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 28, 2013 at 12:05 PM

bump

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Feb. 28, 2013 at 12:07 PM
I have a similar situation right now. I told the guy how I felt. He loves me too. He has decided that he loves me enough to want to try again with me. For real this time. And to think I was almost too afraid to say anything...
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 28, 2013 at 12:09 PM


seriously? how did you tell him? was you afraid of the rejection part? how long did you know him etc.. congrats to you! 

Quoting Anonymous:

I have a similar situation right now. I told the guy how I felt. He loves me too. He has decided that he loves me enough to want to try again with me. For real this time. And to think I was almost too afraid to say anything...



nicolemead91
by on Feb. 28, 2013 at 12:09 PM
Tell him!!! Please I regret that I didn't do the same exact thing 4 years ago !!! Now here I am with DH wondering about the one who got away!
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 28, 2013 at 12:10 PM

but how do i tell him? do i facebook write him? we dont have eachothers phone number anymore? is it wrong to tell him even if he has a 1 month old now?


Quoting nicolemead91:

Tell him!!! Please I regret that I didn't do the same exact thing 4 years ago !!! Now here I am with DH wondering about the one who got away!



HaleyCovington
by on Feb. 28, 2013 at 12:12 PM
1 mom liked this

Half way through it I was starting to think he was gay... I guess tell him. You'll never know until you try right?

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 28, 2013 at 12:13 PM


lmao! you know what i thought that too not by the way he acted but because he never told me about any girls, when i heard about the on/off one now i was like dam! so i couldve made the move

Quoting HaleyCovington:

Half way through it I was starting to think he was gay... I guess tell him. You'll never know until you try right?



Dzyre1115
by Desiree` on Feb. 28, 2013 at 12:14 PM
1 mom liked this

 He's busy, with a baby and another woman, stay away from them.

CutieCrab
by on Feb. 28, 2013 at 12:14 PM
Just tell him
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Feb. 28, 2013 at 12:15 PM

The worst that can happen is that he tells you he doesn't love you, and you don't get together. You aren't together now, so there isn't much to lose. Or, maybe there is. Is it better to "think" he loves you than to risk finding out he doesn't?

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