Dh and I had a few drinks tonight and I'll admit, got a little tipsy. Well we started having sex and everything was great. Then he said he was going to cum soon and he was going to do it inside me. I said "no" he said "oh yea baby it's coming" I again said "no, please don't" ...said it about four or five more times. Well he did it and now I feel like my world is crumbling around me while he is just laying there, sleeping next to me.
Wtf just happened? Words can't even describe the dread I feel inside me right now. :'(
I am NOT saying my husband raped me...let's just get that out of the way. I am not on birth control for personal reasons. I had a miscarriage in sept and am terrified of getting pregnant again right now. I know we should have used another form of bc (condoms or w/e) and that was equally MY fault. I guess I just didn't realize how freaked out I would be if I did get pregnant right now. A few months after the mc I kind of thought well if I get pregnant again, I will be scared but I will be okay. I had no idea I would have this reaction to the possibility of being pregnant. Yes, we've always used the pull out method and for ten years it has worked for us (I know not always effective, can still get pregnant, but at that time it wasn't as big a deal if I did get pregnant). I guess that is why I just assumed when I told dh not to cum inside me (before he was actually cumming) I just assumed he would pull out as usual. I am hurt that he didn't listen this time but again, NOT saying he raped me. I will not be getting the plan b pill...I don't believe in taking it. If I am pregnant as a result of last night then I will deal with it. I know I am scared, mad, confused and a bunch of other things but I will deal with the consequences of OUR bad choices.