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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

would you keep a lying child in your home?**small edit

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 135 Replies

we have had custody of my husband's son since he was 3. He is 10 now. My dh and I have 2 kids together, ages 6&7. My stepson's mother is not in the picture, and my ss has many emotional and developmental problems. He acts like a disturbed 5 year old. Since he started school at age 4, he has continually lied to school officials and had CPS called on our family 7 times. Each time we have been investigated and the charges were dropped, cases were closed. He constantly bullies and beats up on the younger kids and destroys property in our home. He sees a therapist and a psychiatrist and is medicated. 

  2 months ago he and younger ds got into a huge fight. Ds7 hit him in the back with a plastic baseball bat with left a big bruise. Both boys got into trouble, which was a 10 minute time out and no electronics for 2 days. SS went to school the next day and told his teacher that my dh hit him and bruised him. The police were called and also CPS. As CPS is already aware of his problems, they were prepared to dismiss again until they talked to my younger son, who told them how abusive ss is to him ,his younger sister and our pets. They decided to remove ss into foster care to protect the younger kids, and are now requirering us to participate in services to get him back.

  Cps has told us that ss has a "hit list" of people he wants to hurt. We are all included, as is his bio mom. Since he has been gone, my dd has stopped talking in her sleep, the kids has stopped having blow out fights, they are both doing much better in school and out cat has stopped peeing in ss's room. The tension is gone from our home. When asked, the younger kids emphatically declare they do not want him to come home, ever.

I dont know what to do. My dh and I have discussed this and are on the fence. There is an opportunity for the boy to go live in another state with his maternal grandmother that he has never met. Mentally this will be devastating to him. I just know if we let him back home he will continue to reign terror in my home. His mother is unable to take him as he was removed from her care originally.

I dont think we can deal with another 8 years of his lying and abuse.  

****just for those that didnt read the whole post. He is in therapy, he has been in therapy since he was 4, psych care since he was 4 and we have all been in family counceling since we got custody of him

****Edit again for those that are picking up the wrong signal by me calling him my husband's son in the first line. I said that to distinguish that he is my stepson and the two other children are mine and my husband's together, not just mine alone. We do not use the term step or half in my home. He calls me mom, he is my son. He knows he didnt grow inside me and we have never dissed his mother to him, just told him she was unable to take care of him safely so he lives with his father and me.

Posted by Anonymous on Mar. 2, 2013 at 10:23 AM
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Replies (1-10):
IFartGlitter
by on Mar. 2, 2013 at 10:25 AM

there are group homes for children like that if you cnt handle them.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Mar. 2, 2013 at 10:26 AM

they wont let him go to one if someone in the family is willing to take him, and the maternal grandmother is

Quoting IFartGlitter:

there are group homes for children like that if you cnt handle them.


Jaxsonsmama2009
by Gold Member on Mar. 2, 2013 at 10:27 AM
8 moms liked this
I wouldn't send him away to another relative. That wouldn't do any good other than making him someone else's problem. It sounds like he needs inpatient treatment somewhere
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IFartGlitter
by on Mar. 2, 2013 at 10:28 AM
2 moms liked this


I think by "shipping him off" you may be setting him up for a lifetime of emotional and psychological problems. 


But then, you have other kids to think of too. 

Quoting Anonymous:

they wont let him go to one if someone in the family is willing to take him, and the maternal grandmother is

Quoting IFartGlitter:

there are group homes for children like that if you cnt handle them.




Anonymous
by Anonymous on Mar. 2, 2013 at 10:29 AM
4 moms liked this

Would you be so willing to give up this easily if it were one of your blood children?  I doubt it!  He needs help and shipping him off somewhere else isn't it,  in all likeliness it will make it worse that yet another group of adults has given up on him!

AdensMommy1107
by Emerald Member on Mar. 2, 2013 at 10:29 AM
2 moms liked this
This. That child needs help, not to be shipped off to someone he's never met who probably can't handle him anyways.

Quoting Jaxsonsmama2009:

I wouldn't send him away to another relative. That wouldn't do any good other than making him someone else's problem. It sounds like he needs inpatient treatment somewhere
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Momma3830
by on Mar. 2, 2013 at 10:31 AM
He needs help. It seems you have tried & maybe he needs a change of environment.
It's hard because you don't want it to affect him negatively. But you have to also think about your other 2 children & their wellbeing. That's so tough momma. I hope whatever choice you make works out for the best.
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bcoll
by Brandi on Mar. 2, 2013 at 10:31 AM
1 mom liked this

 Yes, I would keep the child in my home.

He needs help, fight for it. Does CPS have a plan to help?

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Mar. 2, 2013 at 10:31 AM
1 mom liked this
I'm sorry your dealing with this, and as a previously troubled youth myself, I have to say I'd let him leave...It seriously sounds like your other 2 children are not safe and the violence will most likely get worse as he approaches his teen years... But I would try to sit down and speak to him about why you want to let him live with his grandmother. Btw I hope she is strict.
silverdawn99
by Ruby Member on Mar. 2, 2013 at 10:32 AM

to all those who are saying you are giving up on him you are not

you got younger children in your home that you have to protect

if you want why dont you give the grandmother a trial run and see how he does?

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