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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions
This is going to be a long one, sorry in advance. My husband and I separated a few years back and he moved in with his friend Joe. Joe had a wife and two adorable little boys, before the separation they frequently came over for dinner and playdates. Red flags were raised when he would say "I'm going over to bunny's"-the wife. I'm like "your friends with Joe, you're going to Joes house. " okay so we seperate, he moves in with them, after a few months we start talking again and around 6 months I'd stay over night there or he'd spend the night at my house. Bunny was always super friendly and seemed happy we were working things out. I talked to this woman about personal things. Bunny gets pregnant and we all assume its her husbands baby, they start looking for a bigger house for the new baby and Ronnie arraigned for us to take over their old house. Once were all settle I realize I'm 3 months pregnant, I thought my periods were messed up from depo. Bunny had her baby a few months later and we all came to see her. It was a split image of my husband, Joe and bunny are mexican but the baby had blonde hair, blue eyes like my husband. I confronted him when we got home and he denied it, there wasn't a hint of him lying and said bunny was always cheating on Joe. I'm 6 months pregnant with his baby and let him convince me. I didn't want to believe it, didn't want to face it. Fast forward 5 years and I see on the news she was arrested on drug charges and the kids were all removed. We get in a nasty argument days later and he admits he was sleeping with her the whole time. I was devastated, absolutely devastated he could lie so convincingly for so long. I was mad he I had no choice but to face it, no more pretending it didnt happen. After days of crying and a lot if thinking I go into mommy mode worrying about this kid being in foster care and what kind of live he's had. I tell Ronnie we need to get custody of him, I couldn't look at Ronnie without seeing him with her but now there's this kids in trouble. About a week after bunnys arrest were getting ready to go into their county for dna tests when we find out Joe already has custody of them. He wanted to let it alone, the kid was safe and already knows Joe as his father. Once I knew the kid was safe, I was moved out before he got home for work. So its been almost a year and I see this kid on Joes Facebook and he is a split image of my son. I want to email Joe all Ronnies messages where Ronnie admit to sleeping with bunny and admitting the kid is probably his...but what good will it do? Joe loves this kid, this kid is happy with his dad and brothers. Should I let it alone or does Joe have a right to know whether he's raising another man's child? I'm thinking about the kid, all he knows is joe being his dad, do I leave it alone? What about when he's older and wonders why he looks nothing like his brothers? Or is it, I left Ronnie, its not my problem?
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
by on Mar. 2, 2013 at 12:07 PM
Replies (41-50):
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Mar. 2, 2013 at 12:56 PM

To be honest with you I know a case like this. People thought that they were being informative and went to the husband with the information. The man cut them off as well as threatened them to stay out of his family business. The man knew the kid wasn't is and decided to raise him any way. Message here mind your business, you can set something off in that man that you did not expect. Sorry people are just not stable enough now-a-days. If he is dealing with it then I would let it be.

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Mar. 2, 2013 at 12:56 PM
I don't mind long posts. I do mind walls of text without paragraphs.

Stop meddling. Joe knows. Grow up and mind your own business.
bustybee
by Buzz Lightyear on Mar. 2, 2013 at 12:58 PM

I think you should tell joe that ronnie was sleeping with bunny and tell him the date range. but don't tell him that the child is probaby ronnies.

shannonmegan24
by on Mar. 2, 2013 at 1:01 PM
It's been awhile sense all this went down and I havent said anything because its not the same situation. He's away from his addict mom and sense I left Ronnie its not like I have a happy home to welcome him to. I haven't said anything because its not my place to rock the boat with my exs indiscretions but a part of me feels he has a right to know. But I go back and forth with myself in this endless circle. My only concern is this kid, I'm thinking he's in a better place with Joe right now but what about in another 5 year's if he wonders why he looks different. It's up to Joe what he wants to do or say to the kid but what if he doesn't know.
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areles
by Platinum Member on Mar. 2, 2013 at 1:01 PM

so your motivation becomes clear, here.

if you want to thoroughly whoop your ex's ass, do it yourself.  don't play puppetmaster to joe, on his and his son's backs. 


Quoting shannonmegan24:

Yup and if I do open my mouth I'm hoping Joe shows up to Ronnies with a bat. That was his friend, he invited him into his home. That's some coward stuff right there and Ronnie deserves a thorough ass whooping for it.


Quoting Anonymous:

That's some juicy shit! You're just dyingggg to tell Joe. Do it, the kid deserves to know.



areles
by Platinum Member on Mar. 2, 2013 at 1:03 PM

indeed.  it's up to joe.  it has nothing to do with you, at all, ever.

Quoting shannonmegan24:

It's been awhile sense all this went down and I havent said anything because its not the same situation. He's away from his addict mom and sense I left Ronnie its not like I have a happy home to welcome him to. I haven't said anything because its not my place to rock the boat with my exs indiscretions but a part of me feels he has a right to know. But I go back and forth with myself in this endless circle. My only concern is this kid, I'm thinking he's in a better place with Joe right now but what about in another 5 year's if he wonders why he looks different. It's up to Joe what he wants to do or say to the kid but what if he doesn't know.



meka26
by Gold Member on Mar. 2, 2013 at 1:04 PM

Leave it alone. Why ruin their family? It has nothing to do with you.

ame85
by Chemistry cat on Mar. 2, 2013 at 1:04 PM

I get all that, but what if the child needed a blood transfusion and they asked the family to donate blood?  For medical reasons that child needs to know his parentage.  It's not pretty or convenient but that's life. 

I've been betrayed before, and yes it sucks.  But you move on and get over it.  Should I have stayed "ignorant" of my ex's cheating and stayed with him?  Is that what you'd do?


Quoting areles:

 

honestly, you can't even relate to it.  at no point ever in your life will anyone come to you and tell you the child you gave birth to and are raising isn't yours, absent a hospital baby switching incident, which are so rare as to not even be relevant.

you can't relate at all to 'wanting to know' that your son isn't actually your son.

you might 'want to know' if the baby down the street is actually your husband's, but you can't imagine being in a father's shoes and being told that his buddy was banging his wife and hey, guess what, the kid you're raising while his mother is off being a loser somewhere is said buddy's.

there's a reason they say ignorance is bliss.  because it fucking is.

Quoting ame85:

If it were me, I'd want to know.

 

 


 

ame85

"Sarcasm is the body's natural defense against stupidity."
shannonmegan24
by on Mar. 2, 2013 at 1:09 PM
Agreed, if Joe hadn't gotten custody there isn't a doubt in my mind I would have stayed and raised this child as my own. Fact is Joe is good to this kid, I have no rights to the kid. So I feel I have no right to interfere but on the flip side this has to come out at some point in this kids life. He's bound to find out. It's just a moral thing and both sides have their pros and cons. I just need help weighing them sense an innocent kid is involved


Quoting areles:


honestly, you can't even relate to it.  at no point ever in your life will anyone come to you and tell you the child you gave birth to and are raising isn't yours, absent a hospital baby switching incident, which are so rare as to not even be relevant.

you can't relate at all to 'wanting to know' that your son isn't actually your son.

you might 'want to know' if the baby down the street is actually your husband's, but you can't imagine being in a father's shoes and being told that his buddy was banging his wife and hey, guess what, the kid you're raising while his mother is off being a loser somewhere is said buddy's.

there's a reason they say ignorance is bliss.  because it fucking is.


Quoting ame85:

If it were me, I'd want to know.





Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
areles
by Platinum Member on Mar. 2, 2013 at 1:13 PM


well, your latter question isn't relevant, because that's not what we're talking about here.

as for your former point, although valid, the same issue arises in adoptions, yet folks manage.  so my viewpoint stands.

Quoting ame85:

I get all that, but what if the child needed a blood transfusion and they asked the family to donate blood?  For medical reasons that child needs to know his parentage.  It's not pretty or convenient but that's life. 

I've been betrayed before, and yes it sucks.  But you move on and get over it.  Should I have stayed "ignorant" of my ex's cheating and stayed with him?  Is that what you'd do?


Quoting areles:


honestly, you can't even relate to it.  at no point ever in your life will anyone come to you and tell you the child you gave birth to and are raising isn't yours, absent a hospital baby switching incident, which are so rare as to not even be relevant.

you can't relate at all to 'wanting to know' that your son isn't actually your son.

you might 'want to know' if the baby down the street is actually your husband's, but you can't imagine being in a father's shoes and being told that his buddy was banging his wife and hey, guess what, the kid you're raising while his mother is off being a loser somewhere is said buddy's.

there's a reason they say ignorance is bliss.  because it fucking is.

Quoting ame85:

If it were me, I'd want to know.







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