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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

If your dh withheld sex due to ongoing marital problems, WWYD??

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 30 Replies

I am really frustrated and feel like I just don't know how to handle this!!  My marriage has been rocky for quite a few years now due to several complicated factors.  I have had discussions with my dh about our issues and we can't seem to have a meeting of minds.  He has his heels dug in the ground and is not trying to understand my position.  The past few years have been terrible for us sexually.  My dh has alot of work stress and he has been very moody.  I am trying to work with him to deal with our issues, but I feel like I am spinning my wheels.  I ALWAYS have to initiate affection and sex!!!  We are in our early forties and our sex life has dwindled to once a month or even longer at times.  Tonight, I came to him for sex and he flat out rejected me.  It hurts and I told him that.  Our day was fine.......no fighting or anything, up until I came onto him and he told me no.  This has happened in the past.  We had a very heated discussion and I am at my wit's end with his negativity, and withholding.  What would you do to try and make things better or would you throw in the towel? 

Posted by Anonymous on Mar. 2, 2013 at 10:04 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Ashgambit
by Gold Member on Mar. 2, 2013 at 10:07 PM
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Have you tried counseling? It could help. I'd do that before throwing in the towel. And I would buy a vibrator.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Mar. 2, 2013 at 10:10 PM

 

Quoting Ashgambit:

Have you tried counseling? It could help. I'd do that before throwing in the towel. And I would buy a vibrator.

 Yep, definitely gonna get the vibrator!!  And I will mention marriage counseling again.  I have asked before but he wouldn't go because he is a very private person and doesn't want to open up to a stranger.  He has a hard time communicating to begin with and is very uncomfortable getting into our personal intimate business. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Mar. 2, 2013 at 10:10 PM
I don't know your whole story. But I'm in my early forties as well. Have you been to counseling? Do you both want to save the marriage? It is very hurtful to be rejected, especially when it comes to sex and with your husband. So to tell you to throw in the towel, I don't know. I just know that if it's been going on for along time that you're not getting along and now sex is out what's keeping you together?
JavaLadybug2
by on Mar. 2, 2013 at 10:12 PM
1 mom liked this
Tell him.. Counseling or we're done..
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Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Mar. 2, 2013 at 10:14 PM

 

Quoting Anonymous:

I don't know your whole story. But I'm in my early forties as well. Have you been to counseling? Do you both want to save the marriage? It is very hurtful to be rejected, especially when it comes to sex and with your husband. So to tell you to throw in the towel, I don't know. I just know that if it's been going on for along time that you're not getting along and now sex is out what's keeping you together?

 Finances mainly.  And our son is finishing college this year!  If we split up, we will have to sell the house to split the equity in the home.  I may end up doing that next year if I don't see him making any efforts.  And I think that I am going to see a counselor myself, because I highly doubt that he will go.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Mar. 2, 2013 at 10:15 PM
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Sounds like counseling is just what you need! He needs to open up to someone if not you. Hopefully the vibrator helps you in the meantime :-)
mtdew
by Silver Member on Mar. 2, 2013 at 10:17 PM

Maybe he has performance issues that he is embarrassed about? 

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Mar. 2, 2013 at 10:21 PM

 

Quoting mtdew:

Maybe he has performance issues that he is embarrassed about? 

 Yes, he did start to have issues a few years back and I encouraged him to go to the doctor's.  He got a prescription for Viagara.  He did not like taking it for some weird reason!!  And then he stopped.  Since he has been off of it, we have been intimate and he has been able to get erect most of the time.  But I do think that it affected his confidence to some degree, not feeling as masculine. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Mar. 2, 2013 at 10:22 PM
1 mom liked this
I hve no advice here is a bump.

He has an extremely high sex drive. I have a low one. It's impossible for him to withhold sex, buy if he did id be fine.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Mar. 2, 2013 at 10:22 PM

Sadly I'm usually the one withholding sex, I'm emotional, and if I'm hurt I can't bring myself to have sex.

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