update 3/4/13 - i called a lawyer today and have a mtg this evening to discuss the next steps. he advised me not to tell the bio dad anything out of safety and also so he can't hide any trial especially the $100K that set up in dd's name. it was transferred to me but he set it up so the lawyer is sure there's a paper trial. he also suggested getting a restarining order in case the bio dad doesn't take it well.
thanks again for all your help. i know it's easy to judge when you're not in my shoe but we all make mistakes, i'm not saying mine are ok, but sometimes it's diffcult to see the big picture when you are in the thick of the forest.
update 3/3/13 - sorry should have posted it up here so you dont have to scroll through 10+ pages
i have not told anyone or have been able to talk to anyone about this. i came here for advice, not pity or acceptance. sometimes when you are in a situation it's hard to see a way out. so i really appreciate all your advice and comments. i fell like a huge burden has been lifted of my chest. I have made me realize that I need to move on for myself and my children. btw, we had a child together because i shut him out around 5 years. it was his way to prove that he loved me and he would leave his wife. i realize all that was a lie, all the things he has said over the last 7 years are lies. it's a huge wake up call.
i'm going to follow the advice and establish paternity and child support but i'll go through a lawyer. as much as i would love to show up as his doorstep and drop the bomb, that would come across as sad and clingy. that's now what i want to be anymore...
thank you again.
i have been involved in a 7 yr relationship with a married man. He told me from day one that he would leave his wife. they have 2 teenage boys so he's excuse now is that he wants to wait unitl they go to college, so another 4 years. so again i have put my life on hold for him. i try to break it off with him over the years and we always got back together. i'm so tired of his BS but i dont know i just can't walk away as we have a 11 month old that he's the bio dad of. i also have a 10 yr old from previous marriage. no none knows who the father is, i just told people that i went to a sperm bank. my family and friends have accepted that and respect my decision. i work my ass off to support all of us and he contributes too.
but lately i have been so angry and stressed out that i just want to show up at his house with the baby and watch his jaw drop. i love him dearly but i'm so tired of being #2. and no i never thought in a million years i would be the other woman. i was in a bad place after my nasty divorce, and he came along and here we are 7 years later. i just wish i could stop. :/