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update 3/4/13 - i called a lawyer today and have a mtg this evening to discuss the next steps. he advised me not to tell the bio dad anything out of safety and also so he can't hide any trial especially the $100K that set up in dd's name. it was transferred to me but he set it up so the lawyer is sure there's a paper trial. he also suggested getting a restarining order in case the bio dad doesn't take it well. 

thanks again for all your help. i know it's easy to judge when you're not in my shoe but we all make mistakes, i'm not saying mine are ok, but sometimes it's diffcult to see the big picture when you are in the thick of the forest.

update 3/3/13 - sorry should have posted it up here so you dont have to scroll through 10+ pages

i have not told anyone or have been able to talk to anyone about this. i came here for advice, not pity or acceptance. sometimes when you are in a situation it's hard to see a way out. so i really appreciate all your advice and comments. i fell like a huge burden has been lifted of my chest. I  have made me realize that I need to move on for myself and my children. btw, we had a child together because i shut him out around 5 years. it was his way to prove that he loved me and he would leave his wife. i realize all that was a lie, all the things he has said over the last 7 years are lies. it's a huge wake up call. 

i'm going to follow the advice and establish paternity and child support but i'll go through a lawyer. as much as i would love to show up as his doorstep and drop the bomb, that would come across as sad and clingy. that's now what i want to be anymore...

thank you again. 

original post

i have been involved in a 7 yr relationship with a married man. He told me from day one that he would leave his wife. they have 2 teenage boys so he's excuse now is that he wants to wait unitl they go to college, so another 4 years. so again i have put my life on hold for him.  i try to break it off with him over the years and we always got back together. i'm so tired of his BS but i dont know i just can't walk away as we have a 11 month old that he's the bio dad of. i also have a 10 yr old from previous marriage. no none knows who the father is, i just told people that i went to a sperm bank. my family and friends have accepted that and respect my decision. i work my ass off to support all of us and he contributes too.

but lately i have been so angry and stressed out that i just want to show up at his house with the baby and watch his jaw drop. i love him dearly but i'm so tired of being #2. and no i never thought in a million years i would be the other woman. i was in a bad place after my nasty divorce, and he came along and here we are 7 years later. i just wish i could stop. :/ 

by on Mar. 3, 2013 at 4:56 AM
Replies (141-144):
by spitfire_bobbie on Mar. 3, 2013 at 5:04 PM
You don't have him and you never have. :/ His wife has him and you get whatever may be left at the end of the day. That's no way to live.

Quoting runofthemill99:

i cant i will lose him. he told me that if i ever did he would lose everything...his wife would leave with the kids. it would destroy him...i can't do that to him. 

Quoting CrickettyBoo:


Show up at his place and raise hell.

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by Member on Mar. 3, 2013 at 5:13 PM

I dont understand how you could settle for second best for 7 years. i understand you care and such, but dont you understand that the feelings you have for him, he has for his WIFE  ?

you dont know what hes like with her, sure he tells you he doesn't want her and such but, hes been lying to you about leaving her, obviously . . . . hes not real with his feelings for her, and not only emotionally, but sexually, . . . you are #2 that is sickening.

You need to leave him. what about your child ? he/she doesnt get to have a father figure or know who he is ? b.c his WIFE may get offended ? chances are you should have thought of all of this before. you are really really wrong here.

Find someone who doesn't have a life at home. who doesn't have a family with another woman, if its been this long, chances are hes not leaving her, period. and who knows how many other women hes with. or has children with that no one else knows about are a very selfish person.

by on Mar. 3, 2013 at 10:06 PM
1 mom liked this

Oh, girl, girl, girl. You gotta watch that "Mistress" show. He will never leave her. And even if he does, what's to stop him from cheating on you? Cheaters don't change.

by on Mar. 3, 2013 at 10:38 PM
what you will tell your child about who is the dady? and if you do tell the child what will you say when the question come up: " where dady goes every night?" why dady has a different last name? I think you need to cut him loose get child support and never look back. You should never get with a married man. who wants to be a supplemental sex donor? And by the time his children be old enough for him to leave his wife, what will be the excuse that he will push on you? By that time you be older and spent your best year waiting on someone who had no intentions of arriving. Think for yourself and don't trust what he say. a snake will always be a snake even when you raise it from birth. good luck and I wish you find a better life and better man.
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