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He asked me to have an abortion so that WE can take care of his kids..... UPDATE, updated again, DH came home

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 607 Replies
11 moms liked this

Me and DH have been married for 2 years. I have 2 children he has 3 but we said when we got married we would have 1 more together. A few weeks ago, we found out that I was pregnant and we were both  super excited. But the next week, DH found out that his department is getting cut and he will no longer have a job after next month. Unfortunately, he will probably not be able to find another job in his field so likely, any job he will be able to get will cut his earnings in half.

I work too so I figured that between some cuts around the house and getting a reduction in his child support, since he will be making about half of what he does now, we should be able to make it work. I called my ex to tell him that I could no longer afford to pay my half of the activities for our kids and his said that he would be willing to pay the whole amount so that they could stay in. Great, so now I figured DH could call his ex and do the same and then she can decide whether to pay the whole amount herself or take them out of the activities.

When I went over this plan with DH he said it's not fair to do less for his kids just because we are having another baby. I told him he is not doing less for his kids because we are having a baby but because he is losing his job.

He came to me last night and said that he doesn't think the solution is to make cutbacks but that I should just go have an abortion. He said it's not fair because most of the cut backs are going on his kids, well that's because my ex is willing to pick up the slack with the activities and he is the one who lost his job, therefore his child support will go down. So I said "so you want my to kill our child so that we can give more extras to your kids, umm no". I told him that if that's how he feels, he can get out of my house (yes I bought the house before we were together and his name is not on the deed) and I will raise this baby on my own. He left after that, I have no clue where he is and right now, I really don't care. I get that he wants to do right by his kids but providing for them isn't my job in the first place so why would I have an abortion so that  I can help support his kids now?

This is completely blowing my mind, I don't know what to do but I know there is no way I am having an abortion.

I just got off the phone with DH. He has been at his mother's house. He asked if we could try to work it out. I told him yes but abortion or adoption are not options and before we even start talking, he needs to go file a modification of child support because there is no point in even talking if he isn't willing to do that. I told him come home having done that and with one HELL of an apoligy and we will see about trying to work this out. I told him that when he decided that killing this baby was a better option then modifying child support and taking the kids out of their acivities, I lost a lot of respect for him and he is going to have to earn it back.

Second update:

DH just got home and apologized for what he said  he talked to his mom (he has been staying with her) about everything and she helped him to see what an ass she is being, she is also thrilled to be getting a new grandchild and DH has a busted  lip from FIL after he heard what he said about me having an abortion. I told DH that he has a lot of making up to do and a lot of trust to earn back. DH agreed that my plan is really the only fair way to do it. He filed for the modification today and was told he would be in front of a judge within 30 days. He called his ex to let her know that he is losing his job and his new job only pays half of what the old one pays so he has filed for a modification and will no longer be paying for the activities. She went ape shit and yelled and screamed that he was being a dead beat. Meanwhile, I don't remember him yelling and screaming when she filed for  increases in child support when he got raises

Posted by Anonymous on Mar. 3, 2013 at 11:00 AM
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Replies (1-10):
GELiz
by on Mar. 3, 2013 at 11:02 AM
7 moms liked this

Stay strong.

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Mar. 3, 2013 at 11:03 AM
*Sigh........Here we go again!
silverdawn99
by Ruby Member on Mar. 3, 2013 at 11:03 AM
1 mom liked this
Wtf? Has he lost his mind?
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AlwaysKISA
by Ruby Member on Mar. 3, 2013 at 11:03 AM
6 moms liked this
Wow. I get that he is stressing out. But that is no reason to say something like that. How horrible. I'm sorry.
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mandaday
by Silver Member on Mar. 3, 2013 at 11:04 AM
4 moms liked this
Wow. I really hope he was just in a panic and quickly comes to his senses. Sorry you are going through this.
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redhead-bedhead
by on Mar. 3, 2013 at 11:04 AM
2 moms liked this

He would still need to make cutbacks since he will be making less. Unless he expects you to pick up the slack for his kids?

paknari
by on Mar. 3, 2013 at 11:05 AM
5 moms liked this
Although I don't think you should get an abortion it is pretty selfish for you to assume the exes should pay everything or just make them quit. But you got pregnant before you knew he was losing his job. You gotta do what you gotta do.
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BraydensMama163
by Ruby Member on Mar. 3, 2013 at 11:05 AM
3 moms liked this
Omg. Castrate that idiot!
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RJC78
by Silver Member on Mar. 3, 2013 at 11:06 AM
1 mom liked this

Good for you!  Keep your head up and keep us updated, hope things go well for you!

fstysxofthebtt
by Gold Member on Mar. 3, 2013 at 11:06 AM
3 moms liked this
I would have done the same thing. That's bullshit. Hopefully he is getting some sense knocked into him while he's gone. Besides in our CO extra activities need to be agreed upon. If they aren't agreed upon then the kids don't get to participate.
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