Stupid f***ing uterus (infertility rant) *ETA2*

[Anonymous]

It's two A.M. I can't sleep and I am depressed. We've been TTC for three years. We were going to get fertility testing but then our insurance changed. (Fuck you Obamacare.)

Now I'm trying to get over the fact that I will never feel another baby move inside of me. I will never get to see the look on my husband's face when I tell him I am carrying his child. I will never see another infant coo at me, milk drunk and perfectly content. I will never get to stroll another street fair with a baby on my hip.

This is it. I have to let go of these dreams. I have to somehow find peace about the fact that there will most likely not be another baby in my home. Sure, miracles happen, but I'm going insane as I hope every month that this will be our month. I just don't know how the hell to do that. I'm so thankful for my existing son, but my heart is breaking that I will not have another.

ETA - Thank you to those of you who have been so kind. I really do appreciate your supportive words. It was just a really bad night. I didn't think anyone was even going to read this, I just had to get it out and didn't want to burden my friends or family. Thank you again.

ETA2 - I realize now that I mistitled this. I don't think my uterus is the issue. I have a hunch that it's my husband's sperm and will eventually pay cash to have his sperm tested. Not sure where we'll go from there because we don't believe (for us) in using artificial means to conceive. It just doesn't feel right for us. Thank you again for all of the support. It felt good to get it all out and to know that I'm not alone.

[littlesippycup]

Big warm hugs. I'm sorry and I hope something somehow works out for you.

[cjsix]

HUgs Momma...I know the heartache of waiting,praying and hoping each month...May you be blessed with more little ones soon. 

[Anonymous]

Adopt or foster

[horseap]

 Im sorry.  :(

[bowribbonmama]

There is hope. I have a friend who was trying for 5 years to get pregnant. She was told it'd never happen and if it did she'd miscarry early on. She is now 27 weeks.

[Anonymous - Original Poster]

That has always been the plan. Even before we realized that my husband is most likely sterile. That doesn't change the heartache of never getting to experience a healthy pregnancy with a loving husband. My first was hell because of what my first husband put me through. Also, it's not that easy. You don't just decide, "oh yeah. I'm gonna adopt today." It's a long process. I also don't want to adopt a baby or young toddler, so those are years I will never get to experience again.

Quoting Anonymous:

Adopt or foster

[NBean311]

Hugs, hugs, and more hugs. I know the hurt of every month passing without a positive, but you never know right? I know nothing anyone can say takes the pain away. I'll send you happy, fertile, miracle baby vibes. 

[Anonymous - Original Poster]

 That is a wonderful story and I hoped to be one of those anecdotes, but it's that hope that's breaking my heart every month. But thank you. I appreciate the thought.

Quoting bowribbonmama:

There is hope. I have a friend who was trying for 5 years to get pregnant. She was told it'd never happen and if it did she'd miscarry early on. She is now 27 weeks.

 

[mattiehatter]

I'm in the same boat hon!! Stay strong.

[Anonymous - Original Poster]

Thank you. How long has it been for you?

Quoting mattiehatter:

I'm in the same boat hon!! Stay strong.