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I have a hard time respecting women who.....

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

Don't have custody of their children.

If I hear about a woman who doesn't have custody of her children, I always wonder why? There is nothing in this world that could make me give up my children, nor would I ever allow myself to be in a position to lose them. You are their mother, you are supposed to be the most stable part of their life (you, and their father). I am not talking about shared custody with a father. I completely understand and greatly respect that. I am talking about the mothers whose child lives with their parents, or lives with the father full time, etc. Those kinds of situations just don't make sense to me.

I'm sure there are going to be people who have a fit and tell me that I don't know these people's situations. And they will be right, I don't. But I cannot picture a situation that for me it would be acceptable to give up my children. To me, a mother always finds a way.

Posted by Anonymous on Mar. 4, 2013 at 10:21 AM
Replies (321-327):
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Mar. 5, 2013 at 3:13 PM

I understand where you're coming from...it was about a second after i hit the button that i realized that my last post sounded more confrontational than it was meant.  I seem to get a bit grouchy when this topic comes up because of my very selfish SIL.  it's a touchy subject for me.  i'm very proud of myself for what i did but i know it's not as easy for some people, especially if they are on harder drugs than weed. 


Quoting Anonymous:

Good for you. I don't mean that in a sarcastic way. Some people can quit smoking, no problem. Others can't. Its a weakness not all can overcome. I've seen what hard drugs can do to a person, and quitting just like that, can almost kill a person. Not everyone gets that, if they haven't experienced it or seen it affect someone close. The woman I'm talking about took a while before getting professional help, but she had to give her daughter to her mother. She didn't just drop her off so she could continue to party and do drugs. The daughter is now 19 or 20 now, and understands why her mom did what she did. They're super close now.


Quoting Anonymous:

 I smoked pot daily, several times a day and when i found out i was pregnant i stopped, just like that.  i've never smoked again and it hasn't been easy but all i have to do is look at my beautiful three year old and i know i made the right decision.  anything else would have been completely selfish!


 


Quoting Anonymous:

I agree. I don't understand how people fall for the drugs. I've never even smoked pot once. But its easier said than done once you have that sort of problem. I've known many people attempt to get clean or sober, and whether its two months or two years later, they get back to old ways. I understand that as a mother, you should do everything in your power to put your children first. That part I agree. And in no way am I defending those bad habits, but its not just gonna go away overnight. My response to op's post was to show that there are situations in which mothers have to give up custody, for the well being of their children.



Quoting Anonymous:

That mother should have gotten clean and sober the second she found out that she was going to be a mother. and i'm speaking from personal experience, the second i found out that i was pregnant that was it for me on the drugs.(weed) continuing with that lifestyle knowing you are endangering your children is selfish and i agree completely with the OP.






Quoting Anonymous:

You can't picture that maybe that mother is unstable? Maybe she's on drugs, or was, and is trying to get clean and sober? My ex's SIL was in that situation. She had to give up her daughter for the girl's sake. Her mother took charge while she fixed herself. She says she regrets her past, but 18 years later, her and her daughter are closer than ever.




 


 



 

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Mar. 5, 2013 at 3:20 PM

I agree. My first instinct is to think badly of them. I was raised by my dad and my mom had no custody for basically no reason. I understand she was in a bad state of mind when she lost custody temporarily but then she straightened things out but never even tried to get me back. I will never understand how she could do that. It's like once she realized that it was easier to just walk away she just washed her hands of me and my sister and was content to let someone else raise us.

I do understand there are some cases where it makes sense and valid reasons but my initial thought is to judge them first and then maybe change my mind once I've heard the reason. Probably the only thing that I do judge anyone for is this.

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Mar. 5, 2013 at 3:27 PM

There is a judge in my town that favors fathers.  I know of a mom right now that her law gaurdian has said the children should be with her, but the judge gave full custody to the father.  I also know 2 other moms who went before this same judge and lost custody.  He is biased towards men.

KyrinM
by on Mar. 5, 2013 at 3:37 PM

That's just it, just because you birth a child, it doesn't automatically make you a mother.  Some women just aren't emotionally cut out to be a parent.  They have the child then give them up to the father or their parents simply because they don't feel they can be a good parent.  I have a couple of friends who made this decision, it was the best one they could have made, if they had been the one raising their child that kid would be messed up for life.  All that said, I personally would never give my kids up, but then I wanted them with all my heart from the start & I already knew I would be a good parent.


Anonymous
by Anonymous on Mar. 5, 2013 at 4:21 PM
That's why I said I agree with the op, to a point. Some women are selfish and give up their kids simply because they can't handle being a mom, or they can't give up a certain lifestyle.


Quoting Anonymous:

I understand where you're coming from...it was about a second after i hit the button that i realized that my last post sounded more confrontational than it was meant.  I seem to get a bit grouchy when this topic comes up because of my very selfish SIL.  it's a touchy subject for me.  i'm very proud of myself for what i did but i know it's not as easy for some people, especially if they are on harder drugs than weed. 




Quoting Anonymous:

Good for you. I don't mean that in a sarcastic way. Some people can quit smoking, no problem. Others can't. Its a weakness not all can overcome. I've seen what hard drugs can do to a person, and quitting just like that, can almost kill a person. Not everyone gets that, if they haven't experienced it or seen it affect someone close. The woman I'm talking about took a while before getting professional help, but she had to give her daughter to her mother. She didn't just drop her off so she could continue to party and do drugs. The daughter is now 19 or 20 now, and understands why her mom did what she did. They're super close now.



Quoting Anonymous:


 I smoked pot daily, several times a day and when i found out i was pregnant i stopped, just like that.  i've never smoked again and it hasn't been easy but all i have to do is look at my beautiful three year old and i know i made the right decision.  anything else would have been completely selfish!



 



Quoting Anonymous:

I agree. I don't understand how people fall for the drugs. I've never even smoked pot once. But its easier said than done once you have that sort of problem. I've known many people attempt to get clean or sober, and whether its two months or two years later, they get back to old ways. I understand that as a mother, you should do everything in your power to put your children first. That part I agree. And in no way am I defending those bad habits, but its not just gonna go away overnight. My response to op's post was to show that there are situations in which mothers have to give up custody, for the well being of their children.




Quoting Anonymous:

That mother should have gotten clean and sober the second she found out that she was going to be a mother. and i'm speaking from personal experience, the second i found out that i was pregnant that was it for me on the drugs.(weed) continuing with that lifestyle knowing you are endangering your children is selfish and i agree completely with the OP.







Quoting Anonymous:

You can't picture that maybe that mother is unstable? Maybe she's on drugs, or was, and is trying to get clean and sober? My ex's SIL was in that situation. She had to give up her daughter for the girl's sake. Her mother took charge while she fixed herself. She says she regrets her past, but 18 years later, her and her daughter are closer than ever.





 



 





 


jthompson1976
by on Mar. 5, 2013 at 11:35 PM

im not really sure. i was adopted.  i was raised in a great home.. but i have to say i was a single mom of 2 boys before i meet my husband now i didnt have much help  i didn all on my own  if i can any body can might be little harder but can be done

coffeeLover8
by Member on Mar. 5, 2013 at 11:45 PM

 I agree to  a point, but there are things that make this situations not the same.... I always hear the story before I choose to respect or not, but then again, I am better than most people when it comes to not judging others! 

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