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talk about blind sided...*update 4*

Posted by Anonymous
  • 323 Replies

I came home from work today hoping to get dinner done for my husband and kids, and have a little family time.

When I got home, I found a letter addressed to my from my husband. We normally leave love notes like this so I opened it up.

I'm not going to type the entire thing. Basically, he's saying he's been unhappy for years and is leaving, and is telling me to tell the kids anything I'd like. He says it's not me, it's him (HA), that he needs to find his self.

Is he fucking kidding me? For almost 20 fucking years I gave him everything. I stayed by his side while he was a Marine, when his mother died, and I gave him two beautiful children.

My kids are teenagers. I can't just fucking lie to them.

I'm heartbroken, but not for me. For them.

I have a job and a savings account (after I found this letter I changed my password on that quickly, thanking God that we had seperate accounts).

The kids will be home in a couple hours. I have no clue what to say to them.

I'm going to show them the letter, then we're going to go out to dinner so we can talk. I'm just going to ask them what they want to know and how they are feeling.

Midlife crisis or not, I've decided I don't want this man as a husband anymore. If he was unhappy, he should have talked to me. That's been the way we've done things since we were together, we've always talked it out.

I would have respected him more if he would have just said "hey, I want out" to my face. But a letter? and telling me to tell the kids whatever I want?

No. I can't respect that. We should be telling them together but he left his phone here and took everything else that was his, and left his ring behind.

I think he's done. So I'm not chasing him. My priority now is the kids.

update 2: I am so fucking livid right now. so are the kids. it turns out before he left, he texted both of them, saying he was going away on a business trip.

so now, not only did I have to tell them their dad left me, they had to find out he was a liar on top of that.

when I let them read the letter, it was pretty bad. we did end up staying in while a girl friend of mine brought us pizza (and me some wine).

my son was yelling. not at me, at the situation. he called his father some pretty choice names, and stopped when I asked him to.

he hugged me tightly and apologized, in which i stopped him and told him he doesn't get to apologize for something he did not do. he offered to quit his sports so he could get more hours at work, and i told him not to do that. it is NOT his job to take care of us, that's mine, and i will manage.

my daughter was crying. she told me that he sent her the text message about the business trip, and my son checked his phone and realize that my stbx sent it to his as well.

when we all calmed down, i asked them what they were feeling. both feel betrayed, and i made sure to tell them that it was not their fault. they're asking me what do we do now, and I told them not to worry about that, that I would figure it out.

so now my daughter's on the phone with her boyfriend, letting him know what's happened. my son is outside working on his car (something he only does when he's angry), and I'm sitting here, drinking a glass of wine.

I'm so angry that he not only hurt me, but that he hurt my children more, and lied to them on top of it.

update 3 (3/5)

He called this morning. We live in Lousiana, he called from Iowa. Seriously, Iowa? We know no one in Iowa.

Well, he does. He tells me he met this woman while on business 3 years ago and they had an affair. She's about 29 and has HIS child. He's one.

I am absolutely disgusted. I'm sick to my stomach, I thought I was okay but this was a blow. It would have been easier if it was just another woman, but no, there's kids involved.

He told me he can't keep abandoning them and I can't help but think what about us?

I know this sounds so much like a movie right now, and I'm laughing humorlessly at the coincidences. I am stupid, I should have seen the signs. Him putting more money into his "gas fund" every month when it doesn't take much to fill up our cars? Yeah, now it makes sense.

I don't blame the other woman or their son. I blame him.100%. I know I've done nothing wrong. I've given him anything he's ever wanted. Sex, dinner, going to family events even when it was the last thing I wanted to do, etc.

We're definitely over. He wants me to drop this bomb on the kids, too, and wants to talk to them, but screw that. He can talk to them but he'll be the one telling them this. I'll let them know to call their father, and that he has some news.

So tomorrow, I'm going straight to the lawyer and filing a divorce. I don't want a dime. All I want is the house. The kids are old enough to decide where they want to go. We each have seperate acccounts, and he's not touching our kids trust funds to support his new family.

As for now, I'm just going to sit here and be angry until my kids come home. This is going to be hard but we're going to be okay.

Update 4)

Just got back from filing. I also filed for child support. I may not want anything but he owes these kids something.

The kids talked to him last night, and he decided not to tell them about the other kid, as I knew he wouldn't, because he's a damn coward. So, I was honest and told them myself. I told them not to blame the baby, he did nothing wrong.

The other woman does know about me, she messaged me on Facebook last night. She tried to apologize to me and told me she couldn't help falling in love with him.

I said nothing to her. I wanted to, Oh God, did I want to, but I took the high road.

His father's disgusted with him, so is his sister, and they both told me they would help me with whatever I need. They had no clue about the other child.

So now, it's a waiting game. I don't know when he'll be served, if he will even be served, or whatever.

Thanks for the support, everyone.

Posted by Anonymous on Mar. 4, 2013 at 2:55 PM
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Replies (1-10):
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 4, 2013 at 2:57 PM
2 moms liked this


by on Mar. 4, 2013 at 2:58 PM
Wow. I'm so sorry he did you like that and I hope you are able to find a way to tell your kids without it being too hurtful. I know that seems impossible but you will find the words.
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by Gold Member on Mar. 4, 2013 at 2:58 PM
1 mom liked this

 Don't lie to them. Because more than likely they will find out the truth one way or another...

Hope everything works out for you and I'm wishing you and those kids the best!

by Anonymous 2 on Mar. 4, 2013 at 2:59 PM
3 moms liked this

What a coward. 

by Anonymous 3 on Mar. 4, 2013 at 2:59 PM
18 moms liked this

They're teens? Show them the letter.

by Gold Member on Mar. 4, 2013 at 3:00 PM
Hugs take them to dinner and talk to them about it.
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by Ruby Member on Mar. 4, 2013 at 3:00 PM

 Tell them the truth. They're old enough to know and to make their own decisions based off that. That's really messed up. Is he having an affair?

My dad had an affair after being with my mom for 20 years, and he left us. He had to pay child support for only four years (my twin and I were 14) and he never did. He was and is a total immature douche. I'm glad my mom told us the truth of everything that happened.

I wish the best for you and your kids. Many hugs!

by on Mar. 4, 2013 at 3:00 PM

Show them the note.  What a prick.

by Silver Member on Mar. 4, 2013 at 3:00 PM
1 mom liked this

Wow, I'm so sorry he just left you like that. I'm so sorry. Wishing you the absolute best.

id honestly be upfront with them. But make sure to let them know it wasn't their fault. Good luck Hun!

by Gold Member on Mar. 4, 2013 at 3:00 PM

I'd show them the letter.

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