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I'm really afraid he's going to hurt her (ETA)

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 52 Replies
My little sister is in a relationship with a guy she met this past fall. He's got problems, lots of them, but I have tried to overlook them and be happy because she was happy. But the red flags kept piling up.
Well, she told me last week that he's abusing her. Calling her names, pushing her around, etc. She ended it with him, and I offered her all sorts of help (money, a place to stay, support).
This week, they're back together. She's moving in with him. She is never without him and got rid of her phone, and is using his, so I can't talk to her without him. I tried calling her today and he intercepted and answered, then stayed in the room while we talked (I could hear him).
I am terribly afraid for her. She is only 22, never been in an adult relationship, and is not really very "street smart". She's told me horrible stories about him pushing her into walls, stabbing himself in a jealous rage over her talking to someone else, calling her a "cunt" for just waking him up to go to work. He's a pain pill addict and is on probation for getting a DUI (while she was in the car - HER car).
She claims he did all this to her while he was "high", and now he's sober so it's better now. I can't get it through her head that it WON'T STOP just because he's sober.
Just a month ago she was telling me they wanted to TTC, because she feels sorry for him that he's not allowed to see his other kids! Dear god, I hope she doesn't get pregnant...
How do I help her?? I've tried everything I can think of - support, understanding, tough love, horror stories... She's impervious to it.
ETA - I am meeting with her this afternoon... Does anyone else have any ideas or stories I could share with her that might wake her up?
Posted by Anonymous on Mar. 4, 2013 at 4:08 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 4, 2013 at 4:12 PM
Bump
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 4, 2013 at 4:17 PM
Please....
1boy1girlmama
by Silver Member on Mar. 4, 2013 at 4:19 PM
2 moms liked this

Aside from kidnapping her and talking until you are blue in the face there isn't a lot you can do. She has to want to leave. You can get her information on abusive relationships, like a checklist and go over it with her. I hope she doesn't get pregnant either.

An0nym0use
by Rock Lobster on Mar. 4, 2013 at 4:24 PM
1 mom liked this
This. Until she *wants* to leave, there is no way to help her. You can try everything, but she'll always go back. The best you can probably do is convince her not to get pregnant.


Quoting 1boy1girlmama:

Aside from kidnapping her and talking until you are blue in the face there isn't a lot you can do. She has to want to leave. You can get her information on abusive relationships, like a checklist and go over it with her. I hope she doesn't get pregnant either.


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mommadana
by Bronze Member on Mar. 4, 2013 at 4:25 PM
1 mom liked this

Until she wakes up, good luck getting her to leave.  My sis was in one of those relationships.  He killed her dog, threatened me and destroyed her son's baby stuff.  He almost rammed my parents car and she still went back to him.  Ways you can help her is for you to volunteer at a domestic abuse shelter and have her come with you.  If you know about the abuse, You can call the police and they can file charges if she refuses to.  However, you have to get it right after it happens and they have to see the abuse.  You might try calling a hotline or seek a group for families of victims. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 4, 2013 at 4:32 PM
I wrote a list out earlier from an abuse help website... She told me today she'd come over tomorrow (I told her I would help her with her taxes), but I don't know what to do is she brings him with her. She always does.

Quoting 1boy1girlmama:

Aside from kidnapping her and talking until you are blue in the face there isn't a lot you can do. She has to want to leave. You can get her information on abusive relationships, like a checklist and go over it with her. I hope she doesn't get pregnant either.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 4, 2013 at 4:38 PM
Would it be a bad idea to have my DH talk to (aka threaten) him...? He wants to...
jen_keiko
by Bronze Member on Mar. 4, 2013 at 4:41 PM
1 mom liked this

might be a bad idea... turn it into a "them vs. us" kind of situation... romeo and juliet kind of thing... there's not much you can do except be there for her... i know it's hard. i had a firend in the same kind of situation. broke my heart really. :( i like the idea of volunteering at a domestic violence shelter and inviting her to come along and help... maybe she'll see or hear something...


Quoting Anonymous:

Would it be a bad idea to have my DH talk to (aka threaten) him...? He wants to...



Melissa_4
by Ruby Member on Mar. 4, 2013 at 4:42 PM
1 mom liked this

In other words he'll never let her alone for a moment.  Perhaps the next time he brings her over you need to tell him that he's not welcome there, or you need to grab your sister, get her in the car to run to the store "and we'll be back in 10 minutes" and have a serious talk with her about domestic violence.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Mar. 4, 2013 at 4:43 PM
Sounds like my ex. Honestly untill she wants out there isn't really much you can do. Just keep an eye on her. One day she will want to leave and just be there for her then. I had to want tp leave him and it took alot to realoze that is not okay to be treated like that.
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