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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Am I going to ruin my 11 year old by letting him go to the funeral

Posted by on Mar. 5, 2013 at 1:19 AM
  • 57 Replies

My father in law died. My dh wants ours kids to go to the funeral. I have a special needs child. He is 11 and is very sensitive. My mom is scarring me and saying I am going to ruin my son and scar him. Do you think this is true? I think my son needs to learn what death is and learn to accept it. I see nothing wrong with it. What do you think? My son was not close to my father in law. When we told our oldest he said he didnt care. He looked upset though. What do you think?

by on Mar. 5, 2013 at 1:19 AM
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Replies (1-10):
almondpigeon
by Ruby Member on Mar. 5, 2013 at 1:22 AM
3 moms liked this

my children have gone to funerals since they were babies.  my uncle died not too long ago and my 4 yo and 6 yo asked really weird questions about it for weeks afterwards, but i don't think they were scarred. death is a part of life and i think children can understand and handle it way better than we give them credit for.

Allinorder
by Gold Member on Mar. 5, 2013 at 1:40 AM

bump

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Mar. 5, 2013 at 1:43 AM
I wouldn't let him go. My overly-sensitive dd won't be going to any funerals until she is older. She would have nightmares for months.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous on Mar. 5, 2013 at 1:43 AM
My son was 6 when my fil passed away. I didn't allow him to go to the viewing, but he did go to the funerol, which was an closed casket.
He knows his granpa passed away and still gets very sad over it. He's 8 ura old now.
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Mar. 5, 2013 at 1:44 AM
And btw, he is a v eye sensitive kid. He cried for a whole week because his fish died. :(


Quoting Anonymous:

My son was 6 when my fil passed away. I didn't allow him to go to the viewing, but he did go to the funerol, which was an closed casket.

He knows his granpa passed away and still gets very sad over it. He's 8 ura old now.

themissheather
by Gold Member on Mar. 5, 2013 at 1:45 AM
I very much agree with the last sentence.

Quoting almondpigeon:

my children have gone to funerals since they were babies.  my uncle died not too long ago and my 4 yo and 6 yo asked really weird questions about it for weeks afterwards, but i don't think they were scarred. death is a part of life and i think children can understand and handle it way better than we give them credit for.

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Anonymous
by Anonymous on Mar. 5, 2013 at 1:49 AM
1 mom liked this

I think it would depend on his "special needs", his ability to remain respectful and other factors. 

JTE11
by Gold Member on Mar. 5, 2013 at 1:50 AM

Death is a part of life, for everyone, so if you think your DS will be OK then take him- there is nothing bad about death. I went to countless funerals as a child, three grand parents (one who committed suicide), a cousin (who died as a child), and others. It's just what happens to people and he needs to learn about it sooner or later.

lovemybabies31
by on Mar. 5, 2013 at 1:55 AM
1 mom liked this
Well have my childrens Nans funeral this Friday, the only one out of my children that are going is my 13yr old ds. I think my 10yr old dd and 6yr old ds are to young. However this is only my opinion. Do what you feel is right.
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marinenonstop
by on Mar. 5, 2013 at 1:56 AM
2 moms liked this
I think eleven is fine. However, i don't know your child.. so i can't say how HE will react. In 2011 my mother's beloved parrot passed away suddenly. I told my son the parrot died. My mother has a rare heart condition that is stressed induced mi's. Basically when she gets upset she gives herself a heart attack without a blockage. So i had to take her to the er after her parrot died. While I was gone..dh went to my parents house to pick up our son and ds was crying his eyes out. Dh couldn't stand to see ds crying so much that he told ds that the bird was sick and i took it to the hospital and they said we had to set it free for it to get better. I was so upset at dh because i felt it was the best way to introduce the concept of death to ds. Now, two yrs later..i ask ds if he knows what happened to the bird and he says, "yes..i heard you saying it was dead. Daddy frankie told me you set lew lew free.. but he doesn't know i know she's dead. I didn't tell him because i think he wanted me to feel better. So i pretended lew lew was set free. That was smart of me, right mother?" He then told.me that its ok to miss someone who dies but we can always remember them and be happy. He also said he knows that one day grandma and grandpa will die but even though hell miss them, he can always remember them and be happy. Kids are smarter and more resilient than we give them credit for.
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