Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Abigail's here..MIL ruined our first week. **BIG UPDATE

Posted by on Mar. 5, 2013 at 2:11 PM
  • 473 Replies
4 moms liked this

Our second daughter Abigail was born on February 25th at 8:33pm weighing 8 pounds 9 oz. She is an angel and looks just like her sister. Active labour was 5 hours with 20 minutes of pushing, only 10 minutes less than my first. Not bad! I'm trying to enjoy her newborn-ness as much as possible since she will be our last. I had a traumatic birth but won't go into detail, others have had worse I know.

My MIL was in town and so I invited her to come to the hospital to see Abby for a bit. Turns out, there was a huge snowstorm that started just as she got to the hospital. We stayed at the hospital for two days and invited MIL to stay at our place overnight. I was expecting her to be there maybe a day and then we'd have some time to bond before our other DD came home from her other grandma's. Nope. MIL doesn't have snow tires on her car and is afraid to drive home (hmmm, this is Ottawa, might wanna get snow tires sometime soon...) so she stays for 3 days. 

Well, the entire three days she sat her ass on our recliner watching TV. I mean the entire three days save for going to the washroom and our daughter's room where we had a makeshift bed for her. I stay up all night with baby each night she's here so DH can get some sleep. Second day I make her a pancake breakfast after she complained about someone that rung our doorbell at 10am and woke her up. Third day, she was set to leave while we were out at a doctor's appointment. We go to leave and she suddenly blows up at me out of NOWHERE. Guess what her complaints are? That I didn't appreciate her. That I was extremely disrespectful for texting my friends. On my couch. With my phone. In my own f*cking house. Okay, what else? That I didn't do any work. Excuse me? I had a traumatic birth and was torn pretty badly. I spent most of my time cuddling on the couch with my newborn. Oh, also that I took a 4 hour nap one day. I'm not even kidding, either.

I should have kicked her out of my house right then and there but I didn't. She went on to say I was a bad wife and treated my husband badly (wtf?) and I said "Excuse me, I do everything around here" and she actually laughed at me and said "Don't start that, I've been here and seen things." Okayyyy?

I left and bawled my effing eyes out in the car. So needless to say that put a HUGE damper on my mood. Of course my FIL stood up for her and said to DH on the phone "Sure the timing was bad but your wife didn't show mom enough respect."

I am flabbergasted.

Anyways, obviously I'm grateful for my healthy new daughter. I'm just pretty upset right now, still. 


Since everyone keeps asking (understandably), did DH stand up for me? Sort of. He said "Mom, I told you not to say anything, it isn't worth it" but otherwise he had trouble getting a word in. He's afraid of his parents and has never been able to say anything to them. After the appointment MIL had the nerve to text him "How was Abby's appointment :)" I replied for him "You have 20 minutes to leave our home". I am now finding out that  DH told his dad about it and basically said we need an apology (I told DH that that was what I expected...otherwise DH would have said nothing). He more or less told his dad it was my decision that we wouldn't be coming over anymore. Gee, thanks my dear husband...

Update March 6: So both my husband and I wrote emails to FIL and MIL trying to clear it up and tell our sides of the story. MIL is away on vacation...again..as usual.. so FIL had to email back on both their behalves (grammar? lol). I have no ill will towards him as he was always trying to stay neutral but the gist of his email this morning was that he and MIL are both heartsick and MIL is sorry for her outburst after having had time to cool down. He said that they are very sad and know that we won't forget what happened but hope that we can forgive them and we can all move past it. He said we love you both. While that's very sweet, deep down a part of me feels like it's all a show just to keep their son and grandkids in their life. I guess I couldn't blame them if that's the case. I don't know. I haven't said anything back, I don't plan to. I plan to just more or less pretend it never happened but from now on I'm not trying anymore to be buddy buddy with them, it's clear that everything I do makes them unhappy so I'm just going to be myself. Keeping my distance from now on while remaining polite and civil.

I told DH this doesn't change anything between us. I'm pretty hurt right now and not really talking / opening up to him.

by on Mar. 5, 2013 at 2:11 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
skittlebeans88
by Platinum Member on Mar. 5, 2013 at 2:13 PM
What has your husband said?
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
AmandaMichele
by Bronze Member on Mar. 5, 2013 at 2:13 PM
And your husband stood up for you.... Right?
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
skittlebeans88
by Platinum Member on Mar. 5, 2013 at 2:13 PM
3 moms liked this
Beautiful little girl, by the way
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
angie944
by Silver Member on Mar. 5, 2013 at 2:13 PM
1 mom liked this

Your daughter is beautiful!! I'm sorry about you MIL. Yeah, if she was "stranded" at your house, she should have at least made herself useful and helped around the house and stuff. =( I'm sorry that you had to go through that.  

owl0210
by Emerald Member on Mar. 5, 2013 at 2:13 PM
1 mom liked this

First of all she is absolutely beautiful congrats!  My ex-MIL came to visit when I went in labor and she was the first person I saw walking into my house so I feel your pain but she did cook and clean even though I couldn't stand her lol. 

What did you husband say? I hope he sticks up for you :( 

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Mar. 5, 2013 at 2:14 PM
6 moms liked this

The most important rule of thumb when dealing iwth in laws, particularly mother in laws: Let your husband deal with it. 


Nunyabusiness
by on Mar. 5, 2013 at 2:14 PM
2 moms liked this
Wow something is rweonf with her! She's in your house where you just had a baby and her stay was unexpected. She should be kissing your feet and bending over backwards for you. What a jerk. Don't invite her out anymore and let her be a total witch.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
danie24
by Ruby Member on Mar. 5, 2013 at 2:14 PM
3 moms liked this
She sounds like a bitch.

My MIL is amazing, thank god.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Nunyabusiness
by on Mar. 5, 2013 at 2:15 PM
1 mom liked this
Oh and congrats on your daughter!! She is beautiful!
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
AmandaMichele
by Bronze Member on Mar. 5, 2013 at 2:15 PM
5 moms liked this
She is beautiful by the way. Don't let a crapburger ruin your time with Miss Abigail. Don't let your mil live rent free in your head. :)
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)