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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Should I still marry him?

Posted by on Mar. 5, 2013 at 11:51 PM
  • 16 Replies

Hi All, I am going to do my best to keep this short and to the point, I am contemplating going through with marrying my already feels like husband. I've been dating "Will" for almost 6 years now and 2 years ago we became engaged and last June had planned to get married however we put that on hold because I found out I was pregnant. I had a healthy baby girl in July of 2012. Before becoming pregnant Bill and were both smokers and I quit when I became pregnant. He promised he would quit when the baby was born, didn't happen! I also need to point out that I am 34 and he is 16 years older than I am. So quiting smoking was part of our deal when I found I was having a baby. He hadn't had any kids of his own except Breanna who is my daughter from a previous relationship. She has no contact with her biological father so when we met Will filled this position quite well.

     Our family is quite complete, with a new wedding date set for August of this year, I've only found myself questioning why I'd want to marry him when we completely have different values and beliefs, for one the smoking thing, I can't stand it now...I don't want to be married to a smoker and he has made 3 different dates of which were going to be his last day, those promises broken. 2nd, he is not trying to lose weight or eat healthy to shed a few pounds before the wedding (he is at least 40 lbs overweight).Ive been running everyday and playing soccer and doing all I can to look my best and feel my best for not just the wedding but our futures too. He sneaks cookies and ice cream bars when I am not looking...and we don't buy the stuff, he does and hides it in the freezer in the garage. Anyway I totally feel like he doesn't give a donkey's .... about us or our family. I don't understand why someone in his position wouldn't think I'd be very eligible to find someone closer to my own age and holds the same beliefs about taking care of ourselves to be around for our kids. He is in his 50's and I don't want to be widowed much earlier than I would have to be. I hate to say that but its the truth...I don't think I can marry him still. Does anyone think I am acting way too selfishly or are things important enough to consider. Any advice....................I'd so appreciate. Thanks for taking the time! 

by on Mar. 5, 2013 at 11:51 PM
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Replies (1-10):
MixedCooke
by Platinum Member on Mar. 6, 2013 at 3:11 AM

Try an ultimatum and see how that works for you, express your beliefs and your concerns and maybe ask him point blank if plans to be alive to see his own daughter walk down the aisle.  Start cooking low carb meals and he will have no choice to eat healthy.  Make any and all family activities as much as possible such as going for family walks, going to the park together, etc. 

JBiiirdD
by on Mar. 6, 2013 at 3:12 AM
2 moms liked this
If you have to ask, no. I have to tell you, I didn't read the post but I've discovered based on experience if you question it, don't do it.
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trowbert
by on Mar. 6, 2013 at 3:19 AM
Agreed, If you are asking *this* question, then you already have your answer. Your post flat out admits that you are already thinking about finding someone else.


Quoting JBiiirdD:

If you have to ask, no. I have to tell you, I didn't read the post but I've discovered based on experience if you question it, don't do it.

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
MomofSCMJJA
by on Mar. 6, 2013 at 3:26 AM
3 moms liked this

I hate to tell you this hon, but if he won't do the right thing BEFORE you are married, he sure as hell isn't going to do it after.  And when it comes to smoking, I have known MANY people who quit smoking because someone else wanted them to and not one of them is still smoke-free now.  If it is bothering you this bad now, DON'T go through with the wedding or all you are going to do is end up nagging and nagging.  He's not going to support what is important to you and it will drive you nuts.  You will end up feeling like his mother constantly trying to get him to do what is good for him.  You will end up resenting him for not doing what he said he was going to do and he will end up resenting you for always being on his case (even if you aren't, he will see EVERY little comment you make as nagging).

vamosalaplaya
by on Mar. 6, 2013 at 3:33 AM
1 mom liked this

He is the selfish one not you.

look I had to quit smoking too. I knew I couldn't even think of TTC while smoking. So i put them down, tossed my ashtrays, done. Priorities, y'know? Nobody had to explain it to me.

Also I may get blasted for this but imo people who date for long periods of time, like 6 years.... idk.... I just think there's a reason they're not married already.

I_luv_my_boys3
by on Mar. 6, 2013 at 3:34 AM
What PP said...
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Mar. 6, 2013 at 3:37 AM

NOPE. Obviously you don't love him the way you should love the one you're gonna spend your life with. 

canog08
by on Mar. 6, 2013 at 3:42 AM

i would reconsider. if your questioning ur self dont do it. if they are deal breakers for you then it is what it is

stickyfingers
by Platinum Member on Mar. 6, 2013 at 3:43 AM
I understand. I am going through the same type of thing right now. I won't even sleep in the same bed as him because I am so confused over my situation. I just keep praying for an answer then get a feeling of if I am not happy with things now what will it be like if we got married and I felt even more trapped?
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Mar. 6, 2013 at 3:45 AM

 i agree with this. its all about the reasoning...look at the signs


Quoting vamosalaplaya:

He is the selfish one not you.

look I had to quit smoking too. I knew I couldn't even think of TTC while smoking. So i put them down, tossed my ashtrays, done. Priorities, y'know? Nobody had to explain it to me.

Also I may get blasted for this but imo people who date for long periods of time, like 6 years.... idk.... I just think there's a reason they're not married already.


 

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