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My DH got another woman pregnant UPDATE

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

Since woman on here are talking about their experiences of being the OW I will share mine of the other side, the wife.

A few years ago, me and DH went through a rough patch and he slept with someone who got pregnant by him. He went out with his friends got piss ass drunk and slept with her. The next day he came home and told me about it and begged my forgiveness. We worked it out since I realized that it took a lot of character for him to come tell me when really, I would not have known other wise (this was before he knew she was pregnant, obviously since it was the next day). A month later she came and told him and told me that she was going to get him to leave me and our kids to be with her. I knew that wasn't going to happend. I stood by his side and told him that I would accept this child as my own.

The day the child was born, we went to file for custody of her. The woman works as a waitress and didn't make a lot of money, still doesn't. DH makes well over 100k a year. She did all she could to keep the baby away from me, including tried to say I couldn't come to the hosptial with DH until DH told her if I didn't, he wasn't going to pay her copayments for the hosptial and medical expenses (in court, they would have only ordered him to pay half but she couldn't afford to pay her half).

When the baby was 2 months old, we were in court and DH was awarded 50/50 time sharing. Actually it ends up being more because since I am a stay at home mom to our children and I was willing to watch this one too, the judge said she could either pay for daycare on her own, which she can't afford and doesn't have anyone to watch her for free or drop her off and me or DH would care for her (usually me). DH pays almost no child support ($430 a month for a man who makes close to $10,000 a month, put it to you this way, if he had standard visitation of every other weekend, he would be paying close to $1900 a month) because we have her so much and we are responsible for all medical expenses and she is on DH's insurance. I get more time with the child then the actual mom, she calls me mommy (no one taught her that, she started it on her own).

She is now 2 and as sweet as she can be and looks just like her dad. I am the one who takes her to the doctors, I am the one with her most days and I am the one who she usually cries for when she is upset. Sadly, I think her mom was mostly interested in her when she thought she would land her a good, relatively well off man.

Of course I never thought my life would turn out like this but you know what, I am really happy, I have my wonderful children, a husband I love and I have an extra child. The woman who thought she was going to break up my family has her child less then half the time and gets to watch me have the great life she wanted. Too bad

Moral of the story, don't fuck a married man, if he is really a good man and he has a good wife, chances are she will forgive him and you will be left out in the cold.


I am getting a lot of the same responses so I will address them here to save time:

No, I didn't take her child from her, the judge saw fit to give DH, her father 50/50 custody.

No, I do not hold any ill will against her, do I wish she wasn't around and SDD was my kid biologically, of course but that isn't the case and I don't blame her. She didn't owe me any loyalty so while I think it was trashy to sleep with a married man and tell his wife you are going to get him to leave her, I don't hold any ill will towards her anymore.

Yes, my DH cheated on me, that was horrible. But he came to me and told me right away, when he thought there was no way I would ever find out, he still came clean. That may not mean a lot to some but a lesser man would have never said anything.

Yes, a perfect DH would have never cheated but no one is perfect, we all need forgiveness sometimes.

I am not a door mat, I am a woman who was not willing to throw away a good marriage (not perfect of course but good) to a good man and father of my children over one mistake that he is sorry for.

Yes, I do treat the child the same as my own

No, I do not talk badly about her mom in front of her (actually rarely at all)

My DH has no contact with her unless we see her somewhere. Usually I do pick up and drop offs and communication is through me. That was at his request and I don't think she is really keen to talk to him either (she feels he screwed her over by not leaving me for her over one night).


Posted by Anonymous on Mar. 6, 2013 at 12:31 AM
Replies (21-30):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 8 on Mar. 6, 2013 at 12:40 AM

Anonymous
by Anonymous 9 on Mar. 6, 2013 at 12:40 AM
14 moms liked this
So the mother is penelized because she's not as rich as you all..Your husband was the MARRIED one not her..But your bitter at her. Sad. You sound like a damn snob!
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 6, 2013 at 12:40 AM

See I love children (me and DH are trying for another actually). Now if it had been an ongoing affair or something, I couldn't have forgiven that but a one time thing (even she admitted it was a one time thing and the date of conception lined up with the date he said he cheated with her) I was able to forgive, especially since he came right to me and admitted it when, as far as he knew, I would have never found out if he didn't.



Quoting Dzyre1115:

 What a twisted sick story.......anyway if my husband got another woman pregnant and he couldn't sign away the child, then I would have left, I don't like children enough to tolerate that kind of baggage.  Which is why I purposely chose a man with no kids when I married.



TaralynnStewart
by Platinum Member on Mar. 6, 2013 at 12:41 AM
3 moms liked this
His ex? So she wasn't a one night stand? I'm confused


Quoting Anonymous:

She does, she loves it with us and she is very well cared for. DH has actually thought about going for primary where his ex would only have her every other weekend, it's only a little more time with us then she is now anyway.



Quoting Iamstacey:

Well now, that was an I retesting turn of events. I'm glad tge baby has a family who loves her.





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Anonymous
by Anonymous 7 on Mar. 6, 2013 at 12:41 AM
11 moms liked this

I can't get past the fact that it sounds like your continually punishing this women for having sex with your DH. He's as much as fault as she is. Taking her child is cruel pay back. 

Quoting Anonymous:

She does, she loves it with us and she is very well cared for. DH has actually thought about going for primary where his ex would only have her every other weekend, it's only a little more time with us then she is now anyway.


Quoting Iamstacey:

Well now, that was an I retesting turn of events. I'm glad tge baby has a family who loves her.




Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Mar. 6, 2013 at 12:42 AM
5 moms liked this

If it was a one time thing you wouldn't refer to her as his ex.  SOmething isn't right here.

Quoting Anonymous:

See I love children (me and DH are trying for another actually). Now if it had been an ongoing affair or something, I couldn't have forgiven that but a one time thing (even she admitted it was a one time thing and the date of conception lined up with the date he said he cheated with her) I was able to forgive, especially since he came right to me and admitted it when, as far as he knew, I would have never found out if he didn't.



Quoting Dzyre1115:

 What a twisted sick story.......anyway if my husband got another woman pregnant and he couldn't sign away the child, then I would have left, I don't like children enough to tolerate that kind of baggage.  Which is why I purposely chose a man with no kids when I married.




Anonymous
by Anonymous 10 on Mar. 6, 2013 at 12:42 AM
2 moms liked this
You're a stronger woman that I will ever be. There's no way I could raise another woman's child under those circumstances. Kudos to you.

On the other hand, I can't help but feel kinda bad for the bio mom. I can't imagine another woman raising my child half the time and especially not having to drop my child off to that woman or have to pay daycare without the help of the child's father. I can't really see why she shouldn't have a choice in who keeps her child while she works. For all the judge knew, you could be resentful towards the child and mistreat her (not saying you do, but we all know it could happen in some cases). Seems like your husband got the better deal in this situation by far when both of them were in the wrong.
Dzyre1115
by Desiree` on Mar. 6, 2013 at 12:42 AM

 I could forgive the cheating, but other children get on my nerves and I would not be nice to the child, so he would either have to sign away his rights or sign divorce papers.

Quoting Anonymous:

See I love children (me and DH are trying for another actually). Now if it had been an ongoing affair or something, I couldn't have forgiven that but a one time thing (even she admitted it was a one time thing and the date of conception lined up with the date he said he cheated with her) I was able to forgive, especially since he came right to me and admitted it when, as far as he knew, I would have never found out if he didn't.

 

 

Quoting Dzyre1115:

 What a twisted sick story.......anyway if my husband got another woman pregnant and he couldn't sign away the child, then I would have left, I don't like children enough to tolerate that kind of baggage.  Which is why I purposely chose a man with no kids when I married.

 

 

 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 6, 2013 at 12:43 AM

I can understand why you would feel that way, many women would. But I believe in forgiveness. If it was an on going thing, I don't know that I could ever trust him but it was one time and he came clean so I was able to forgive. Don't get me wrong, it was hard at first



Quoting Anonymous:

I could never do that.  I have more self respect than to raise a child my husband had with a woman he cheated on me with. I would have divorced. Glad it worked out for you though.



kirstina
by on Mar. 6, 2013 at 12:44 AM
2 moms liked this
wow i am not sure how i feel about this.
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