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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

My DH got another woman pregnant UPDATE

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

Since woman on here are talking about their experiences of being the OW I will share mine of the other side, the wife.

A few years ago, me and DH went through a rough patch and he slept with someone who got pregnant by him. He went out with his friends got piss ass drunk and slept with her. The next day he came home and told me about it and begged my forgiveness. We worked it out since I realized that it took a lot of character for him to come tell me when really, I would not have known other wise (this was before he knew she was pregnant, obviously since it was the next day). A month later she came and told him and told me that she was going to get him to leave me and our kids to be with her. I knew that wasn't going to happend. I stood by his side and told him that I would accept this child as my own.

The day the child was born, we went to file for custody of her. The woman works as a waitress and didn't make a lot of money, still doesn't. DH makes well over 100k a year. She did all she could to keep the baby away from me, including tried to say I couldn't come to the hosptial with DH until DH told her if I didn't, he wasn't going to pay her copayments for the hosptial and medical expenses (in court, they would have only ordered him to pay half but she couldn't afford to pay her half).

When the baby was 2 months old, we were in court and DH was awarded 50/50 time sharing. Actually it ends up being more because since I am a stay at home mom to our children and I was willing to watch this one too, the judge said she could either pay for daycare on her own, which she can't afford and doesn't have anyone to watch her for free or drop her off and me or DH would care for her (usually me). DH pays almost no child support ($430 a month for a man who makes close to $10,000 a month, put it to you this way, if he had standard visitation of every other weekend, he would be paying close to $1900 a month) because we have her so much and we are responsible for all medical expenses and she is on DH's insurance. I get more time with the child then the actual mom, she calls me mommy (no one taught her that, she started it on her own).

She is now 2 and as sweet as she can be and looks just like her dad. I am the one who takes her to the doctors, I am the one with her most days and I am the one who she usually cries for when she is upset. Sadly, I think her mom was mostly interested in her when she thought she would land her a good, relatively well off man.

Of course I never thought my life would turn out like this but you know what, I am really happy, I have my wonderful children, a husband I love and I have an extra child. The woman who thought she was going to break up my family has her child less then half the time and gets to watch me have the great life she wanted. Too bad

Moral of the story, don't fuck a married man, if he is really a good man and he has a good wife, chances are she will forgive him and you will be left out in the cold.


I am getting a lot of the same responses so I will address them here to save time:

No, I didn't take her child from her, the judge saw fit to give DH, her father 50/50 custody.

No, I do not hold any ill will against her, do I wish she wasn't around and SDD was my kid biologically, of course but that isn't the case and I don't blame her. She didn't owe me any loyalty so while I think it was trashy to sleep with a married man and tell his wife you are going to get him to leave her, I don't hold any ill will towards her anymore.

Yes, my DH cheated on me, that was horrible. But he came to me and told me right away, when he thought there was no way I would ever find out, he still came clean. That may not mean a lot to some but a lesser man would have never said anything.

Yes, a perfect DH would have never cheated but no one is perfect, we all need forgiveness sometimes.

I am not a door mat, I am a woman who was not willing to throw away a good marriage (not perfect of course but good) to a good man and father of my children over one mistake that he is sorry for.

Yes, I do treat the child the same as my own

No, I do not talk badly about her mom in front of her (actually rarely at all)

My DH has no contact with her unless we see her somewhere. Usually I do pick up and drop offs and communication is through me. That was at his request and I don't think she is really keen to talk to him either (she feels he screwed her over by not leaving me for her over one night).


Posted by Anonymous on Mar. 6, 2013 at 12:31 AM
Replies (231-240):
jenmomx3
by Silver Member on Mar. 6, 2013 at 8:41 AM
3 moms liked this

 I don't like the way that you basically took this woman's child from her.  You have HER child calling you Mommy? I think that is so disrespectful.  And not having as much money as you does not make her less of a mother or a parent. Your husband slept with her, no protection, and you seem to be making light of punishing HER.  She was not married to you, and owed she didn't owe  you anything.

Melissa_4
by Ruby Member on Mar. 6, 2013 at 8:42 AM
1 mom liked this

It's easy for us to say what we would do in that situation until we are actually faced with it.  Sometimes unexpected blessings come out of the worst circumstances.

Congratulations on your unexpected princess!

Anonymous
by Anonymous 38 on Mar. 6, 2013 at 8:45 AM
1 mom liked this
It is sad that so many can't see how this innocent child is being harmed.


Quoting Anonymous:

If he was a good man, he wouldn't be screwing other women on the side... piss ass drunk or not. But kudos to you two that you could work it out. Glad the baby has people to love her and be there for her. Situation could have ended much differently for the innocent child.    


Anonymous
by Anonymous 38 on Mar. 6, 2013 at 8:47 AM
So it is ok to take another woman's child bc your (general) DH slept with the mother?

How is this ok?


Quoting Melissa_4:

It's easy for us to say what we would do in that situation until we are actually faced with it.  Sometimes unexpected blessings come out of the worst circumstances.

Congratulations on your unexpected princess!


FL2AK
by on Mar. 6, 2013 at 8:52 AM
1 mom liked this
Hope he got a vasectomy so at least when he cheats your husband can't get anyone else pregnant.
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bear.katten
by on Mar. 6, 2013 at 8:52 AM
3 moms liked this
Oh there is soooo much wrong with this!
The judge gave you both most of the custody because YOU HAVE MONEY and her MOTHER HAS TO WORK TO SUPPORT HERSELF AND THAT CHILD ALONE. Yes working full time and raising your child alone is a consequence of having a baby with a married man but she should not barely ever see her child.
Your DH can more than afford to pay her way more in CS. He helped make the baby and he was definitely more at fault since he was married.
There is NO excuse for not correcting the child when she calls you mommy. Her MOM probably has given up after all of this and I completely understand that. You didnt get most of the custody because you are better fit to be the parents, it was only because you make so much.
And waitressing is a hard job. You never know how much you are going to take home, you have to deal with shitty customers on a regular basis and you have to work long hours to make it by. She probably cant find another job! Thats not on her that she's doing the best she can and your DH makes almost 10,000 a month.
This post is fuck up. You are not a saint. A saint would have told DH that since he can definitely afford child care he should do so (if thats what mom wants) or pay her more in CS under the table so that she doesnt have to work so much that she barely gets to see her child on her time. A saint would have corrected the child when she called you mommy THE FIRST TIME.
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bear.katten
by on Mar. 6, 2013 at 8:56 AM
4 moms liked this
Oh and I forgot! IT IS SO FUCKING DISGUSTING THAT YOU FORCED THAT WOMAN TO HAVE YOU THERE AT THE CHILDS BIRTH! SO FUCKING SICK!!! THAT WAS HER 1 MOMENT WITH THAT CHILD BEFORE YOU RIPPED IT FROM HER ARMS AND YOU DIDNT EVEN HAVE ENOUGH RESPECT/MORALS/COMPASSION TO GIVE HER THAT!
YOU AND YOUR DH USED YOUR MONEY SITUATION TO BULLY HER INTO MISSING OUT ON THE BIRTH SHE SHOULD HAVE HAD!
SHAME ON YOU FOR BEING A ROTTEN BITCH AND KEEPING A PIECE OF SHIT FOR A HUSBAND!
But those are just my thoughts.. Continue on.
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livingrlovesong
by Silver Member on Mar. 6, 2013 at 8:58 AM
1 mom liked this
Well, I hope it works out for you. Although I don't really understand why you were trying to get custody of her based on the fact her mother doesn't make much money. The money she makes doesn't determine her character as a mom.
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crashblossom
by on Mar. 6, 2013 at 9:09 AM
You hold no ill will against her? So you call people you LIKE homewrecking whores and let their child call you mommy? The more I read this the more messed up it gets. Holy shit.


Quoting Anonymous:

I didn't take anything and I really hold no ill will to her mom. The judge made the order based on the best interests of the child




Quoting Nynnie:

So, u believe in forgiveness. Only to the one that u needed to forgive, the one that betrayed u. She didn't really do anything to u. Did she even know he was married? She wasn't the one who promised to be faithful and love u. He is the one that really hurt u, and she is the one u take it out on. It is wrong to take a child from a biological actual mom because ur dh cheated on u.



Quoting Anonymous:

I can understand why you would feel that way, many women would. But I believe in forgiveness. If it was an on going thing, I don't know that I could ever trust him but it was one time and he came clean so I was able to forgive. Don't get me wrong, it was hard at first





Quoting Anonymous:

I could never do that.  I have more self respect than to raise a child my husband had with a woman he cheated on me with. I would have divorced. Glad it worked out for you though.









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AthenaGrace
by on Mar. 6, 2013 at 9:09 AM
1 mom liked this

Wow, I was surprised by the way this turned out. It seems like the best way for things to have gone down for everybody, including the child. Glad she has a happy home wth people who love her, and glad your marriage recovered. I don't know if I could accept another child of dh's that he had with someone else like that. Poor hoe though...got what she deserved. 

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