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My DH got another woman pregnant UPDATE

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

Since woman on here are talking about their experiences of being the OW I will share mine of the other side, the wife.

A few years ago, me and DH went through a rough patch and he slept with someone who got pregnant by him. He went out with his friends got piss ass drunk and slept with her. The next day he came home and told me about it and begged my forgiveness. We worked it out since I realized that it took a lot of character for him to come tell me when really, I would not have known other wise (this was before he knew she was pregnant, obviously since it was the next day). A month later she came and told him and told me that she was going to get him to leave me and our kids to be with her. I knew that wasn't going to happend. I stood by his side and told him that I would accept this child as my own.

The day the child was born, we went to file for custody of her. The woman works as a waitress and didn't make a lot of money, still doesn't. DH makes well over 100k a year. She did all she could to keep the baby away from me, including tried to say I couldn't come to the hosptial with DH until DH told her if I didn't, he wasn't going to pay her copayments for the hosptial and medical expenses (in court, they would have only ordered him to pay half but she couldn't afford to pay her half).

When the baby was 2 months old, we were in court and DH was awarded 50/50 time sharing. Actually it ends up being more because since I am a stay at home mom to our children and I was willing to watch this one too, the judge said she could either pay for daycare on her own, which she can't afford and doesn't have anyone to watch her for free or drop her off and me or DH would care for her (usually me). DH pays almost no child support ($430 a month for a man who makes close to $10,000 a month, put it to you this way, if he had standard visitation of every other weekend, he would be paying close to $1900 a month) because we have her so much and we are responsible for all medical expenses and she is on DH's insurance. I get more time with the child then the actual mom, she calls me mommy (no one taught her that, she started it on her own).

She is now 2 and as sweet as she can be and looks just like her dad. I am the one who takes her to the doctors, I am the one with her most days and I am the one who she usually cries for when she is upset. Sadly, I think her mom was mostly interested in her when she thought she would land her a good, relatively well off man.

Of course I never thought my life would turn out like this but you know what, I am really happy, I have my wonderful children, a husband I love and I have an extra child. The woman who thought she was going to break up my family has her child less then half the time and gets to watch me have the great life she wanted. Too bad

Moral of the story, don't fuck a married man, if he is really a good man and he has a good wife, chances are she will forgive him and you will be left out in the cold.


I am getting a lot of the same responses so I will address them here to save time:

No, I didn't take her child from her, the judge saw fit to give DH, her father 50/50 custody.

No, I do not hold any ill will against her, do I wish she wasn't around and SDD was my kid biologically, of course but that isn't the case and I don't blame her. She didn't owe me any loyalty so while I think it was trashy to sleep with a married man and tell his wife you are going to get him to leave her, I don't hold any ill will towards her anymore.

Yes, my DH cheated on me, that was horrible. But he came to me and told me right away, when he thought there was no way I would ever find out, he still came clean. That may not mean a lot to some but a lesser man would have never said anything.

Yes, a perfect DH would have never cheated but no one is perfect, we all need forgiveness sometimes.

I am not a door mat, I am a woman who was not willing to throw away a good marriage (not perfect of course but good) to a good man and father of my children over one mistake that he is sorry for.

Yes, I do treat the child the same as my own

No, I do not talk badly about her mom in front of her (actually rarely at all)

My DH has no contact with her unless we see her somewhere. Usually I do pick up and drop offs and communication is through me. That was at his request and I don't think she is really keen to talk to him either (she feels he screwed her over by not leaving me for her over one night).


Posted by Anonymous on Mar. 6, 2013 at 12:31 AM
Replies (31-40):
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Mar. 6, 2013 at 12:46 AM
1 mom liked this

I don't know what to think about this.

On one hand, I think it is great that you forgave your dh and love his child.

On ther other hand, it seems like the other woman got the short end of the stick--kind of like your own personal revenge on her sleeping with your dh.

I'm thankful my dh never did this. We have 4 kids together, no other kids.

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Mar. 6, 2013 at 12:47 AM
3 moms liked this
I'm not a very judgmental person and glad it worked out for you. The part that scares me however, is the fact that it was insinuated that the judge gave split custody because you guys made good money. I'm afraid to fight for cs and custody because he makes over 100k a year and I'm living on student loans. I have her full time and he moved far away and barely calls. But he threatens this and it makes me feel like I'm not sure I want to file..maybe I should just slug it out with no help!
JLo1486
by Gold Member on Mar. 6, 2013 at 12:47 AM
1 mom liked this
Well, at least you're honest.

Quoting Dzyre1115:

 I could forgive the cheating, but other children get on my nerves and I would not be nice to the child, so he would either have to sign away his rights or sign divorce papers.


Quoting Anonymous:


See I love children (me and DH are trying for another actually). Now if it had been an ongoing affair or something, I couldn't have forgiven that but a one time thing (even she admitted it was a one time thing and the date of conception lined up with the date he said he cheated with her) I was able to forgive, especially since he came right to me and admitted it when, as far as he knew, I would have never found out if he didn't.


 


 


Quoting Dzyre1115:


 What a twisted sick story.......anyway if my husband got another woman pregnant and he couldn't sign away the child, then I would have left, I don't like children enough to tolerate that kind of baggage.  Which is why I purposely chose a man with no kids when I married.


 


 


 

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lendales_mommi
by on Mar. 6, 2013 at 12:48 AM

Man oh man I hope I dont end up in ur situation. I hope the OW in my case gets her shit together. I will do the same but I really really hoped if my son had a bro or sis it would be from me:(

Do you guys still have trust issues?

Was it hard for you to accept the baby or was it like "love at first site" kinda thing?

Do you have a "relationship" with the OW. Do you guys talk about stuff?

Does she know her DD calls you momma?

I know this is alot of questions LOL

Dzyre1115
by Desiree` on Mar. 6, 2013 at 12:50 AM

 I definitely know my limitations. 

Quoting JLo1486:

Well, at least you're honest.

Quoting Dzyre1115:

 I could forgive the cheating, but other children get on my nerves and I would not be nice to the child, so he would either have to sign away his rights or sign divorce papers.


Quoting Anonymous:


See I love children (me and DH are trying for another actually). Now if it had been an ongoing affair or something, I couldn't have forgiven that but a one time thing (even she admitted it was a one time thing and the date of conception lined up with the date he said he cheated with her) I was able to forgive, especially since he came right to me and admitted it when, as far as he knew, I would have never found out if he didn't.


 


 


Quoting Dzyre1115:


 What a twisted sick story.......anyway if my husband got another woman pregnant and he couldn't sign away the child, then I would have left, I don't like children enough to tolerate that kind of baggage.  Which is why I purposely chose a man with no kids when I married.


 


 


 

 

crashblossom
by Isabelle on Mar. 6, 2013 at 12:51 AM
21 moms liked this

All I could think of throughout this post is "bitch stole this woman's baby." I truly don't understand what's so magical about this...am I misunderstanding?

Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Mar. 6, 2013 at 12:52 AM
2 moms liked this

To make it easy, I will just add to yours


Quoting Anonymous:

Ok first of all if this was my husband, he knows where the door is. I am not a doormat. He cheats, he is out of here. I am not a doormat, my DH made a one time mistake, a mistake that many men make (not that it is right) and came to me for forgiveness when he could have kept it from me, at that point, it had just happened he didn't know about the baby). We all make mistakes and I was not going to break up my family over one mistake

Secondly, I find it dispicable that you tried to get custody and that you forced this woman to allow you to come to the hospital. Talk about awkward when she is in that much pain going through childbirth.If she didn't want a wife around, she shouldn't have slept with a married man. I could understand your standpoint if they were together first and then he got with me but he is my husband, she should have thought about the fact that he has a wife before she slept with him.

Third, it sounds like you and your husband spent so much time with the kid and took the baby away from momma as much as possible, and you caused the mom to have postpartum depression and to be less bonded with her baby, which is completely dispicable. My DH wanted the child half the time, which was fair since the child is half his. Then he found out that she will be working so much that the child would still be in daycare alot of her time AND she wanted him to pay for said daycare. Why pay for daycare when I am at home. If she wanted to pay for daycare on her time, I guess he wouldn't have much say but that's not the case. We didn't take the baby from the mom, the judge decided what was in the best interest of the baby.

As for your moral, which you can't teach because you have none, that is ridiculous. You are angry at the wrong person. "Don't fuck a married man". He is MORE to blame than her. HE was the one with the commitment to you, and he broke it. He took HIS dick out and put it in another woman, and he gets off scott free because hell he told you he took his dick out and fucked another woman.

OH, yes, I have morals, maybe more then you since I can forgive someone who is truly sorry but then maybe if  your DH cheated on you, he wouldn't be sorry, I don''t know. I have forgiven my DH really I have forgiven her too and yes, he was more to blame because he is married to me where as she owed me nothing but I am speaking to a group of women here so directing this at the man in the situation would fall on def ears. He didn't get off scott free by any means, we spent a long time repairing the damage but I did forgive him. 

 



Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Mar. 6, 2013 at 12:55 AM
1 mom liked this

Yes, she knew he was married, she even admitted that part. I am not saying nor did anyone say she doesn't love her. I think, and I may be wrong, but the poster was just commenting that with some women, this child may be in a home where she isn't wanted and possibly even resented for what her presence reminds her step mother of. I am telling my story, that is not gloating



Quoting Anonymous:

As if the mother couldn't love her. I get it she slept with a married man. I don't know if she knew he was married when she slept with him but flaunting that you have her daughter is kinda shitty. Great that he's a good dad awesome. But I wouldn't gloat about having another womens child like this. 

Quoting Iamstacey:

Well now, that was an I retesting turn of events. I'm glad tge baby has a family who loves her.




3xangel
by *Angelicious* on Mar. 6, 2013 at 12:56 AM
It's nice to see a turn of events, especially since some of the OW usually only keep the kid is so they CAN get child support. Sounds like she is better off with you and your husband since BM is struggling to provide for herself. The judge made a good call.

I would've divorce him though. I want no part in taking care of, raising, or supporting a child that's not mine & was born from an affair.
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sheramom4
by Ruby Member on Mar. 6, 2013 at 12:56 AM
7 moms liked this

I am glad you forgave your husband and he is part of his child's life. Although in general I find your entire OP sick and twisted. Your HUSBAND did wrong because he made vows to you, she did not. And you are essentially trying to take her child from her out of spite and bitterness. So you forgave him, but not her. You gave no reason that she cannot have majority custody other than your husband makes more money. How would you feel if a divorce happens and he gets custody of YOUR children because he makes more money? Also the whole calling you "mommy" thing. She has a mother. You cannot replace her mother. Let go of your anger or direct it toward the correct person (your husband).

And no I was never the OW. I am just reading some very unhealthy things into this post.

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