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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

My DH got another woman pregnant UPDATE

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

Since woman on here are talking about their experiences of being the OW I will share mine of the other side, the wife.

A few years ago, me and DH went through a rough patch and he slept with someone who got pregnant by him. He went out with his friends got piss ass drunk and slept with her. The next day he came home and told me about it and begged my forgiveness. We worked it out since I realized that it took a lot of character for him to come tell me when really, I would not have known other wise (this was before he knew she was pregnant, obviously since it was the next day). A month later she came and told him and told me that she was going to get him to leave me and our kids to be with her. I knew that wasn't going to happend. I stood by his side and told him that I would accept this child as my own.

The day the child was born, we went to file for custody of her. The woman works as a waitress and didn't make a lot of money, still doesn't. DH makes well over 100k a year. She did all she could to keep the baby away from me, including tried to say I couldn't come to the hosptial with DH until DH told her if I didn't, he wasn't going to pay her copayments for the hosptial and medical expenses (in court, they would have only ordered him to pay half but she couldn't afford to pay her half).

When the baby was 2 months old, we were in court and DH was awarded 50/50 time sharing. Actually it ends up being more because since I am a stay at home mom to our children and I was willing to watch this one too, the judge said she could either pay for daycare on her own, which she can't afford and doesn't have anyone to watch her for free or drop her off and me or DH would care for her (usually me). DH pays almost no child support ($430 a month for a man who makes close to $10,000 a month, put it to you this way, if he had standard visitation of every other weekend, he would be paying close to $1900 a month) because we have her so much and we are responsible for all medical expenses and she is on DH's insurance. I get more time with the child then the actual mom, she calls me mommy (no one taught her that, she started it on her own).

She is now 2 and as sweet as she can be and looks just like her dad. I am the one who takes her to the doctors, I am the one with her most days and I am the one who she usually cries for when she is upset. Sadly, I think her mom was mostly interested in her when she thought she would land her a good, relatively well off man.

Of course I never thought my life would turn out like this but you know what, I am really happy, I have my wonderful children, a husband I love and I have an extra child. The woman who thought she was going to break up my family has her child less then half the time and gets to watch me have the great life she wanted. Too bad

Moral of the story, don't fuck a married man, if he is really a good man and he has a good wife, chances are she will forgive him and you will be left out in the cold.


I am getting a lot of the same responses so I will address them here to save time:

No, I didn't take her child from her, the judge saw fit to give DH, her father 50/50 custody.

No, I do not hold any ill will against her, do I wish she wasn't around and SDD was my kid biologically, of course but that isn't the case and I don't blame her. She didn't owe me any loyalty so while I think it was trashy to sleep with a married man and tell his wife you are going to get him to leave her, I don't hold any ill will towards her anymore.

Yes, my DH cheated on me, that was horrible. But he came to me and told me right away, when he thought there was no way I would ever find out, he still came clean. That may not mean a lot to some but a lesser man would have never said anything.

Yes, a perfect DH would have never cheated but no one is perfect, we all need forgiveness sometimes.

I am not a door mat, I am a woman who was not willing to throw away a good marriage (not perfect of course but good) to a good man and father of my children over one mistake that he is sorry for.

Yes, I do treat the child the same as my own

No, I do not talk badly about her mom in front of her (actually rarely at all)

My DH has no contact with her unless we see her somewhere. Usually I do pick up and drop offs and communication is through me. That was at his request and I don't think she is really keen to talk to him either (she feels he screwed her over by not leaving me for her over one night).


Posted by Anonymous on Mar. 6, 2013 at 12:31 AM
Replies (631-637):
MommyMarcoux
by Member on Mar. 9, 2013 at 3:03 AM

I have been cheated on, too. My ex husband cheated, now has a son by the OW, and liveswith them. He and I had two children before he and I separated. After the divorce, he was horribly angry with me (his plan was to stay married to me and have me allow him to continue fooling around- I declined the ridiculous offer) and tried to take it out on my by taking me to court to get custody of my kids. Originally, the courts found our agreement of 50/50 fine. Then, he decided after one visit that he was going to just keep them. He left the state and I have been stuck taking him to court to try to get them back. You thinking it is okay that your cheating husband ended up benefiting from his mistake and keeping this woman from her child most of the time is disturbing. Your husband was in the wrong and has suffered no consequences. More than that, you seem to think that is how it should have worked out. Very sad...

Pheiona
by Member on Mar. 10, 2013 at 1:13 AM
Quoting lendales_mommi:

Darling Husband or something like that LOLĀ Quoting Pheiona:


I like how you stood your ground. your a great mother for that. what does DH mean?



lol ok. i dont know if i would use DH in this situation.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 128 on Mar. 10, 2013 at 1:38 AM
1 mom liked this

I enjoyed that story. My husband didn't cheat on me but he did get close. Your story might actually help me truly forgive him and get over it. We're in counseling and things have gotten better. I'm glad things have worked out for you.

anitaaw
by on Mar. 10, 2013 at 4:42 AM
1 mom liked this
OP's husband wasn't married to the biomom so naturally he filed for custody to admit paternity and to have rights to child. When you add the monthly child support, clothing, activities and medical/dental/vision provided for little one, that is quite a bit of support for her. So not a dead beat dad at all. As for the childcare arrangements, I would guess biomom went back to work not long after the birth since most waitressing jobs don't really provide maternity leave. Why have a little one in a daycare when Dad and Stepmom wanted little one in a loving nurturing & consistent environment? Stepmom didn't have to agree to anything. As for the WE went to court together to file... most couples speak that way. It's not rude or hateful. It's signals being in agreement and the OP being part of this step that her husband took. I'm sure that OP would have never been able to respect him if he abandoned his child. 50/50 is normal. As for LO calling OP Mommy, her siblings do it so does she. She also knows who her mommy is. No worries. LO is surrounded by love, OP has learned from her pasts mistakes and loves/respects little girl. It takes a village they say. The child is blessed.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 102 on Mar. 10, 2013 at 10:28 AM
She obviously wanted more than a one night stand...

Hell my one night stand is now my husband laying next to me :)

Quoting Anonymous:

Why would a one night stand want to get rid of the wife?




Quoting Anonymous:

Basically I am answering questions at random (too many to answer each one) so i am not sure if it has. But I know because 1. the date he admitted to cheating lines up with the estimated date of conception and 2. both of them say it was a one night thing. She was trying to get rid of me, if it was more then a one night thing, I am sure she would have made sure I knew that. Also 3. she had to look up our home phone number to call him, if it was more then a one night thing, wouldn't she have had his cell number?





Quoting o.O....:

Sorry if this has already been asked- but how do you know it was a one night stand?






Anonymous
by Anonymous 102 on Mar. 10, 2013 at 10:33 AM
1 mom liked this
They have 50/50 which is what they deserve. EVERY split parent (given they're not drug dealers or causing any harm) deserve 50/50 custody. No parent is better or more important than the other.

BM choses to work during some of her 50/50 custody, that is not SM or DH's fault. Bringing that child to daycare when her FAMILY is available to be with her is ridiculous.

They are not "stealing" this child the way your ex did... they have the child as much as court ordered granted and as much as they deserve. If BM wants more of her 50/50 time spent with the child, she should find a job with more accommodating hours so they don't conflict with her visitation!

Quoting anitaaw:

OP's husband wasn't married to the biomom so naturally he filed for custody to admit paternity and to have rights to child. When you add the monthly child support, clothing, activities and medical/dental/vision provided for little one, that is quite a bit of support for her. So not a dead beat dad at all. As for the childcare arrangements, I would guess biomom went back to work not long after the birth since most waitressing jobs don't really provide maternity leave. Why have a little one in a daycare when Dad and Stepmom wanted little one in a loving nurturing & consistent environment? Stepmom didn't have to agree to anything. As for the WE went to court together to file... most couples speak that way. It's not rude or hateful. It's signals being in agreement and the OP being part of this step that her husband took. I'm sure that OP would have never been able to respect him if he abandoned his child. 50/50 is normal. As for LO calling OP Mommy, her siblings do it so does she. She also knows who her mommy is. No worries. LO is surrounded by love, OP has learned from her pasts mistakes and loves/respects little girl. It takes a village they say. The child is blessed.
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Andreea
by on Mar. 13, 2013 at 6:29 PM
God bless you! You have a good heart! You chose the best thing dor you, your kids and his kid!
Your husband should pamper the heck out of you for his mistake and lucky the mother of that baby - she should accept all the help she can from you!
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