Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

dating, how young is too young?

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
I took my son to a roller skating party last night. Once a month his school has great skate night. Anyway, as we were getting our skates on I overheard a group of 4th and 5th grade girls talking. One girl asked the other if she was going out with so and so. She said yes. One girl commented how she didn't think he was very cute. Just then the guy of topic came up behind the girl who said she was dating him and put his arm around her. The girls all giggled and the two skated of holding hands. One girl got out her cell phone and was texting a friend. My son is friends with one of the girls little sister so I know they were 4th and 5th graders. Well as the night went on I noticed almost every kids 8 years old and up had cell phones and lots of girls 9 and up were talking about boys. Call me old fashioned but an 8 year old with a cell phone is like wth. 10 year old girls dating just blows me away. What cracks me up though is the same girls who said they had boyfriends and cellphones acting all grown up were all sucking on oversized light up binkies. My oldest is 7 years old and Dh and I have already agreed that he will not get a cell phone until he reaches high school and won't be dating until then either. Is 3rd, 4th and 5th to young to date? Would you allow your child of that age to date?
Posted by Anonymous on Mar. 6, 2013 at 8:13 AM
Replies (11-20):
romalove
by SakePrincess on Mar. 6, 2013 at 8:43 AM
1 mom liked this

When they are that young they say they are dating but aren't really.  Honestly, my kids none of them wanted to do that, or date young (my son didn't date till 17 and both daughters started at 16) but my kids really waited to find people they could have a relationship of some sort with.

The 5th grade dating is, the boy and girl say they are dating but rarely spend even a minute near each other, until one or the other breaks it up.  

I think the more restrictive you are the more you create rebellious kids.  If you have a 15 year old who wants to date and you've set an arbitrary time of "you must be 16" or "you must be out of high school" they will not stop wanting to date.

They will stop wanting to talk to you about it.

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Mar. 6, 2013 at 8:46 AM

OP, I agree with you.  At this age, there would be no sneaking around behind your back, because kids this age need to ALWAYS be supervised.  When they get older and in HS, that is a different story.  I believe parents who think this is "cute" are looking for trouble, IMO, sorry.  They also do not need cell phones until they are old enough to be on there own unsupervised and anyone that let's their kids at that age go without supervision is looking for trouble.

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Mar. 6, 2013 at 8:48 AM

 


Quoting AleaKat:

4th-5th grade is a but young.
I know I had " boyfriends" then but it was puppy love.
I met DH at 15 so I think that's a good place to start.


 just out of curiosity, you have never been out with another man except your dh(since you met him so young)?

PinkButterfly66
by Ruby Member on Mar. 6, 2013 at 8:49 AM
1 mom liked this

Their concept of dating is probably way different from what you think of as dating.  For them it probably means they sit with each other at lunch and hang out together at school functions which are supervised.

AleaKat
by on Mar. 6, 2013 at 8:50 AM
I had 2 serious bf before him but after DH and I started dating at 15 no I haven't. Why?
Quoting Anonymous:

 




Quoting AleaKat:

4th-5th grade is a but young.
I know I had " boyfriends" then but it was puppy love.
I met DH at 15 so I think that's a good place to start.



 just out of curiosity, you have never been out with another man except your dh(since you met him so young)?

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
idunno1234
by Gold Member on Mar. 6, 2013 at 8:57 AM

 My oldest is 7 years old and Dh and I have already agreed that he will not get a cell phone until he reaches high school and won't be dating until then either. "

I have a 21, 18 and 11 year old girls and a fourteen year old boy. Good luck with that one, lol.

Do I think cell phones are too young for 8 year olds? Yes.....but, practically speaking, each of my kids were younger than the older one when they got their first cell phone. My youngest was the youngest at 10, but much of that was due to safety issues regarding her dad and needing to know she can contact me at any time. I think of cell phones as being a way to know what's going on. If they forget it or their battery dies, I start panicking and try to remind myself that it wasn't too long ago that parents didn't have that tool. Once you have it, its hard to go back. I will still have my 21 year old text me occasionally to make sure she is safe- she travels a lot late at night from Manhattan and its nice to know that no matter where she is, I can make that connection and put myself mind at ease.

Dating is a whole other issue but you need to remember that kids play act at adulthood, this is a normal thing, and they may use the terminology of dating but it is rare that there are even dates involved. My daughters didn't even think of dating in 3rd grade- they were still at boys are icky stage then, but by 5th grade, things start changing because they ARE preadolescent at that age and boys start getting looked at differently. By 6th grade, most boys are looking at girls differently too. Not sexual (although some boys were obviously modeled some pretty shitty behavior growing up) just as less than icky. Sometimes a lot less.

But its still puppy love at this age. My 6th grader (11 going on 12) has what she considers her first "real" boyfriend, although last year she was supposedly "going out" with or "dating" a number of boys. She hasn't gone out on one date, ever- its all just playing at what will soon be all too real.  I once took my 11 or 12 year old second daughter (now 18) to the local pizzaria when a boy wanted to take her on an actual date. I sat at the next table, lol. It was also adorable and I treasure those moments because all too soon, it does turn into a grown up thing.

I do believe that kids are growing up too fast- they are simply exposed to things that we weren't growing up (well, at least me since I'm 52). Like always, modeling appropriate behavior, showing how to respect things and use them appropriately (if they do have a cell phone) and most importantly, making it clear that respecting oneself and showing respect to others is the foundation for any healthy relationship, something even young children need to learn.

AA2.0
by Gold Member on Mar. 6, 2013 at 9:02 AM
Most 5th grade "dating" consists of holding hands at school events and such. I think people read too much into the word sometimes. Hell, DD is 5 and has a "boyfriend" who is the child of a friend. They play together often on the weekends and I don't think DD really understands what a "boyfriend" is to the rest of us. He's a boy and her friend.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
FL2AK
by on Mar. 6, 2013 at 9:05 AM
My kids can date when they are 16. For those that think the 4th and 5th graders are just cute friends you might want to keep an eye on them. Kids do experiment that young.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Queen_Bree
by on Mar. 6, 2013 at 9:08 AM

My kids need to GRADUATE before having any kind of serious relationship. My son has taken girls to the movies and bowling as friends and along with a group of kids. I dont allow my kids to have boyfriends/girlfriends. Their education comes first. After my son graduated college, he met a girl, and they got married. Now they are having a baby. They are doing well and THINKING before making decisions. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Mar. 6, 2013 at 9:10 AM
I think dating at 14-15 is fine. My son will probably get a cell phone around 10.
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)