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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

If you just treat him normal and expect him to be normal he will be *autism post*

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

This is what my sister has said to me a million times.

How do I get her to understand, it doesn't work like that???

I have "normal" expectations of ds7, I just know he will needs a different way to get things done, or need some extra help.

And my family is constantly saying, "he's only like that because you let him be" or "If you just left him to do it he would, he is maipulating you because he knows you'll give him attention!"

How do I get them to understand????

I am not giving him extra attention! I am helping him because he needs it!  If I just left him he would become overwhelmed and would NOT react the same as other children his age.

They are always on my case about him being in team sports "If you just put him in a team sport he would see how other children his age are supposed to act and would shape up!" 

It doesn't work that way!!

Why can't I just get support?

If ever I want to vent about his challenges or my challenges, my sister just says "well you choose to raise him that way, I would want a more independant child.  It was your choice."

AHHHHHH!!!!!!!

Posted by Anonymous on Mar. 6, 2013 at 9:27 AM
Replies (291-300):
takeitall13
by on Mar. 6, 2013 at 10:22 PM

 I can COMPLETELY relate to your situation.  Our son is in the processof being dx'ed right now, they think hes either ppd-nos or aspergers, he is VERY  "skilled" as they put it verbally and with his knowledge but he is VERY defensive, has a lot of sensory issues, rigidity... my family and friends are always saying "well I was like this too" or "if you just spank him"  "if you just do ____"  "if you force him to wear that coat or those shoes", "if you move his room around each week he will have to accept it and get use to it"  etc.  It doesn't work that way with him, he NEEDS it a certain way (thus why we're in Early Intervention).. we also hear "HES ONLY 2!"  and "but hes SO smart!", "he smiles"  yes but if you ask him to he doesn't know how to on command, we have to ask him to look at us, he will sometimes but usually we have to ask.. gah.  People just don't understand if they don't live with it, I would definately be leaving webpages, books, flyers ANYTHING out just to get a point across.. dh works with FIL and is constantly hearing how ds is "normal", well they see him once a month, and that whole time hes there hes lining cars across their house, or biting the tires off of them..  they don't live with him and autism is not something that just goes away or that you can treat them "like a normal kid" with, they DO need a little different treatment but honestly I already do things the same as I do for my son with my daughter, it just seems to work a little better, the timers for transition, if you do this then you can do that, etc  Its not like its an awful way to raise a kid and its not "catering" to them...  Their brains work differently, its not going to change so why force them to be so unhappy and uncomfortable.. my son already does enough stims (hand flapping when hes upset, lining/counting, BITING), if you force them to do things the "normal" way you're just asking for them to gain more "coping" things that could negatively effect them later on.  HUGS  I hope your family does some research, its sad that we basically have to beg them to just TRY to understand a LITTLE.

Quoting Anonymous:

 

Unfortunately, and my sister isn't the only one with this thinking, many people see a "high functioning" kid with autism and assume mom is faking it to excuse bad behaviour or autism is over diagnosed and therefore somehow not real.

I don't get the mentality.

It is so frustrating.

Quoting Master_Debater:

I'd honestly say, Have you raised a child with autism? No, then shut the hell up.

 

 

 

COHLimeLight
by on Mar. 6, 2013 at 10:25 PM
1 mom liked this

I have been there with my son, he's ADHD. So many people think that they know how to raise children when they don't have a clue. Each child is different and it is up to us to stand up to them. If they are not supportive and giving you grief, maybe distancing yourself from them would help. I know, it's family but I had to do it so I could concentrate on my son and not their terrible remarks.

fourgreatkids
by on Mar. 6, 2013 at 10:28 PM

OH!  I know how you feel.  I have the same problem from dh family AND mine.  Losing family members left and right, they are that stubborn about believing that my kids have Aspergers.  I am giving up on them.  It has been going on 3 years.  ds doctor said you cannot lose support if you never had it in the first place.  

amazzonia
by on Mar. 6, 2013 at 10:29 PM

I don't know your case, but I have to say, most mom I'm around with are over protective, always on top of their kids, and always always afraid they will do some mistake or get hurt. Let the kids be kids! Why all this syndroms exists only in th USA? 

LadyMarissa
by Silver Member on Mar. 6, 2013 at 10:31 PM
1 mom liked this

People who don't HAVE to deal ALWAYS knows a better wat to deal!!!  Just like people who have NEVER had children always know a better way for you to raise yours.  Your family is IGNORANT when it comes to raising an autistic child, so you just need to find a way to IGNORE them!!!  I know it doesn't help you when they're dumping on you, but they have love in their hearts!!!

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Mar. 6, 2013 at 10:33 PM


I don't live in the USA -.-

Quoting amazzonia:

I don't know your case, but I have to say, most mom I'm around with are over protective, always on top of their kids, and always always afraid they will do some mistake or get hurt. Let the kids be kids! Why all this syndroms exists only in th USA? 



bbecker001
by Bronze Member on Mar. 6, 2013 at 10:38 PM
Is he 15 years old mentally and developmentally? If not that makes it hard to do.

My son is 7 and operated at a 2/3 year olds level.


Quoting Anonymous:

I understand, but at the same time, my SO and his mom treat SO's 15 year old autistic son like he's a baby. They talk to him like he is, treat him as if he is one, and its so annoying. He is not a baby despite the fact that he can't carry on a conversation with anyone. I feel like maybe if they started treating him (the way they talk and act towards him) like a 15 year old, that maybe he would respond better. I don't know if its possible but its super annoying, (he is self sufficient for the most part, can dress, feed, take care of himself, just can't talk)

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bbecker001
by Bronze Member on Mar. 6, 2013 at 10:41 PM
Are you a parent of a special needs child? If not you won't understand. They CAN'T just be kids. We HAVE to be on top of them most of the time. Especially when you have an autistic son like mine who knows no safety concerns and has no boundaries. Running into the street, climbing out of windows, being aggressive towards others. All of that can happen at ANY time. We are always on our toes. 24/7.

Quoting amazzonia:

I don't know your case, but I have to say, most mom I'm around with are over protective, always on top of their kids, and always always afraid they will do some mistake or get hurt. Let the kids be kids! Why all this syndroms exists only in th USA? 

Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
racheldillin
by on Mar. 6, 2013 at 10:42 PM
1 mom liked this

My DS is also 7, and I've received the EXACT same 'advice' from people. No. Joshua has high functioning Autism, and I have a diagnosis from a private doctor AND the school. Nobody else spends enough time with us to know.

bbecker001
by Bronze Member on Mar. 6, 2013 at 10:43 PM
300.

I would just try to educate them and if that doesn't work ignore them.
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