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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

I know way more than I should.

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 19 Replies

Last year or so my mother was sitting on my couch texting and giggling.  This was odd, I asked who she was talking to.  She started smiling like a school girl and told me she reconnected with her first boyfriend through classmates . com and they were just "talking"...Okay, neat.  Fast forward a bit and she winds up telling me, "can you keep a secret, promise not to tell?" to that I of course said, "sure", she winds up confessing to me that they tell eachother I love you and talk on facebook for hours every night.  I should not know this.  My parents have been married over 30 years, they never had an easy marriage but they always seemed to make it work and seemed okay with eachother.  Both of them have their issues, both of them can be difficult...My dad can be neglectful and has a temper, my mother can be crazy and has a temper.  They push eachothers buttons.  

She had me promise not to tell.  I didn't feel it was my business to tell despite feeling like my dad should know.  Ive had an immense amount of guilt as she continued to tell me about her onlien love affair.  

Then it happened, she traveled across the country to see him and they had sex.  She told me she was going there to get closure and make decisions.  She had me believing that once she decided on what she wanted she would let it all out in the open.  I covered for her as she asked me to.  I told my dad she was with my grandma in vegas, when in reality she was in san antonio with her boyfriend.  

I asked her before she left, "what about the credit cards? Plane tickets?  If you decide to break it off and not tell dad, there is all this evidence"...She wasn't worried about it at all...telling me that dad never looks at that stuff.  She was right.  She went and came back and she told me she did decide to break it off.  That it would never work and was just a silly thing and she is over it.   

Through out this tryst, myself and my grandma were the ones she confided in.  I kept my mouth shut and urged her to 'do the right thing' while my grandma was pretty much rooting her on.  

During the affair I learned she was thinking about running away but the only thing keeping her here was her grandson, she could never leave her grandson.  She had saved all of her paychecks throughout the year and had a private account with $20,000 dollars in it.  When she decided to end it she was excited she had so much money saved and said that she was going to treat dad to a vacation...

So her and dad are now planning a trip to Texas, my dad said how they couldn't afford it...thats when my mom let my dad in on the money she had saved.  She spun it off as no big deal and she just simply forgot to tell him about it.  

My dad confided in me how much this had surprised him, I could tell he was being very careful with his words and didn't want to say what concerns it really gave him.  I just didn't know what to say.  "Can you believe your mom opened up a private account and didn't tell me about the 20K she squirreled away from that job she had?!"...I put on my best surprise face and was like, "omg really?"...

Im hoping this all gets put behind us and I can just bury my guilt.  The money is out in the open and she tells me she is done with her fling and they are not even talking anymore.  

Then my husband (who I told this all to and swore him to secrecy) mentioned how he thought it was strange that they were going to texas where he boyfriend lived, I snapped back at him "He isn't her boyfriend that was just a mistake she made its just a coincidence because my dad loves texas."....

Thats where im at....I still feel guilty...but all my life my parents have used me as a sounding bored, all my life they have confided all of their marital troubles in me and ive been their marital therapist in a way.  All my life I have never told the other what one said to me.  They both trust me with their secrets....


Posted by Anonymous on Mar. 6, 2013 at 2:57 PM
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Replies (1-10):
tlcory
by Platinum Member on Mar. 6, 2013 at 3:02 PM
1 mom liked this

Oh wow, that's a heavy burden for a daughter to carry, I'm sorry but they should not be putting you in the middle like that.  Hope everything works out!

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Mar. 6, 2013 at 3:02 PM

I was in such an aweful position...If I told I betrayed my mother and would break my fathers heart.  If I didn't tell I betray my father by not telling and maybe this will just go away...Im not sure if I did the right thing...It stresses me out but I just try not to think about it anymore...so it really bugged me when my husband mentioned the significance texas had.  

hudson.maggie
by Gold Member on Mar. 6, 2013 at 3:03 PM
I would tell your mom how you feel. If she decides to do something like this to keep you out of it. Tell her how awful you feel to keep such a secret from your dad.
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momma2mms
by Kristin on Mar. 6, 2013 at 3:05 PM

Your mom should have not said anything to you.

ashley9603
by RunningMomma on Mar. 6, 2013 at 3:05 PM

Your mom should have left you out of it...Im sorry you are dealing with the whole guilt and shame,but your parents shouldnt have put you in this position.

smurfbitebug
by on Mar. 6, 2013 at 3:06 PM
They should never have even begun to tell you what was going on in their adult world when you were a child, and they should definitely NOT be continuing to do so to this day. Gah, what a stupid thing to do. You love them BOTH, this is not fair to you at all!
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Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Mar. 6, 2013 at 3:07 PM

I kept thinking that when she ended it (I had a feeling all along she would, that this was some kind of mid life crisis.) it would be better, I would feel less guilty about it.  But I dont, I still feel guilty, whenver my dad complains to me about her I want to tell him, whenever my mother pisses me off I want to tell him...I dont think ill ever stop wanting to tell him but I really feel that I should not.  I feel like the guilt I carry by keeping the secret is less than the guilt I would feel if my truth ended their marriage.  

Quoting tlcory:

Oh wow, that's a heavy burden for a daughter to carry, I'm sorry but they should not be putting you in the middle like that.  Hope everything works out!


Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Mar. 6, 2013 at 3:12 PM

I wont ever forget when I was about 10 years old my dad took me to Pizza Hut and he looked real sad and I asked him what was wrong and he just blurted out, "your mother and I never have sex anymore!" the look on my face must have been disgust and shock because he started apologizing right away and I then felt bad for making him feel embarrassed and told him that it was ok.  From that point on he felt comfortable telling me everything...

Quoting smurfbitebug:

They should never have even begun to tell you what was going on in their adult world when you were a child, and they should definitely NOT be continuing to do so to this day. Gah, what a stupid thing to do. You love them BOTH, this is not fair to you at all!


Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Mar. 6, 2013 at 3:13 PM

I think she realized it on her own...she has apologized profusely for putting me in such an aweful position but went on to say how alone she felt and she just needed someone to talk to....  : / ... 

Quoting hudson.maggie:

I would tell your mom how you feel. If she decides to do something like this to keep you out of it. Tell her how awful you feel to keep such a secret from your dad.


Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Mar. 6, 2013 at 3:14 PM

I agree...but now what?  Just one of those things I have to supress?  lol.  

Quoting ashley9603:

Your mom should have left you out of it...Im sorry you are dealing with the whole guilt and shame,but your parents shouldnt have put you in this position.


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