STEP MOMS-How do you not see them as "the kids who visit a few days a month"

[Anonymous]

I have 3 kids, 5, 4, and 2. All boys. SO has 2 kids, 5 and 3, one boy one girl. SO sees his kids EOWE and every Thursday for dinner. He takes them to his parents' on Thursdays, so I only see them EOWE. I just don't see them as part of our family. I do not treat them differently and anything special I get for my kids (dishes or blankets, for example) I also get for them. I am always the one who gets up and feeds, bathes, clothes them and I do the little girl's hair. But really...I just see them as the kids whom I babysit for a few days a month. I would never tell SO, and I do feel bad for thinking/feeling this way. So, how do I change my thoughts/feelings?

[other_mother]

It was fairly easy for me because he has always lived with dh full time. I'm sure it would be more difficult if it was just a few days a month.

[KristenFowles]

My DH doesn't have any children besides ours, so I don't know how I'd look at it..

I do know that HIS step mother was in his life from the time he was 2 years old and his sister a new new baby.. and she loaths them both and can't stand when her husband, their father wants to do things for them because she feels it's taking from HER child, (who is not his child)

::Eye roll::

So do to my complete hatred of her for this, I'd probably do everything I could to become close to them..   

[Anonymous]

I'm not a stepmom but I dont see anything wrong with the way you think/feel.As long as your not treating them differently and you care about them then your fine.Considering you only see them EOW I can understand hou  you dont really see them as part of your family.

[AliKatAK47]

I don't see anything wrong with that.

[gypsy_rose]

They live with us lol!

[brebugmom91]

I mean its hard to feel more for a child who you don't care for. Maybe as they get older you'll grow out of that?

[Anonymous]

I agree. My son has an older brother and younger sister... All from different moms... But through the years, I've formed very good relationships with the kids and their caregivers. The little girl lives with her grandmother, mom wants nothing to do with her and their dad is in prison... But if anything happens to her, I'm hoping she'll go to me. I love both of them as if they were my own children... I get them things whenever I get something for my son, etc... But it took time and an effort to get that relationship going. If I only seen them 4 days a month, it wouldn't work- I wouldn't feel a connection to them

Quoting brebugmom91:

I mean its hard to feel more for a child who you don't care for. Maybe as they get older you'll grow out of that?

[Anonymous]

I think that is all you can ask of yourself. You treat them well and care for them but they are not yours and they only visit twice a month.

[Anonymous]

I see them as my children whom I cared for while their mother was to busy with her boyfriend to act like a mother.

[Anonymous]

I don't know. Dh's kids come one weekend a month and every Tuesday but I don't see them as guests just visiting. They fit in with the family pretty well, probably because they ARE family lol. I don't know what to tell you tbh. I've always felt like his kids were part of the family.