Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Should I leave my husband?

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
He's HORRIBLE with money. We are passed due on electricity, water, cable, rent and rent a center. He makes more than enough to pay it all, he just sucks with money. He pulls all the money out of the bank and takes it with him to work. He can't explain where $200 went in 2 days (he's a truck driver).
All the bills are in my name so by him not paying, it screws up my credit!
On the 29th I get $2352 but I don't have a job (student loans). If I left I could get a little apartment and pay quite a bit of rent (maybe an all bills paid apartment?) and try to find a job.
I'm tired of being behind, I don't want my kids (his kids, too) to grow up like I did (water/gas/electricity always being shut off and always being evicted)
So, should I leave him?
Posted by Anonymous on Mar. 6, 2013 at 8:48 PM
Replies (91-99):
D.O.E.
by on Mar. 6, 2013 at 11:20 PM

i have left my dh before, there is so much more to it than that. and there is no shame in getting some help to get on your feet.

Quoting Anonymous:

Well if I find an all bills paid apartment and pay 3 months in advance I shouldn't need much more than foodstamps, as long as I keep enough $ for diapers, wipes and toiletries.


Quoting D.O.E.:

sweety, your gonna need more than just food stamps. you will need to be on assitance until you find work. you need to be realistic

Quoting Anonymous:

I'm thinking of getting a little apartment, even 1 bedroom since I sleep on the couch anyways. I can pay the deposit and a couple months rent. I might have to get fs until I get a job but it would be better than being in the situation I'm in.





Quoting D.O.E.:

worse things can happen than being a single mom. just have a plan

Quoting Anonymous:

I know. :( I just never ever ever wanted to have to be a single mom :(








Quoting D.O.E.:

thats a form of abuse you know.

if you have evaluated the relationship, and you find more cons thab pros, then do what you have to do.

Quoting Anonymous:

Tried it but he takes all the money











Quoting Redbrandoni:

Wouldn't it be easier if you kept track and made sure they were paid on time by writing the checks?














Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Mar. 6, 2013 at 11:22 PM
:-/ what other help is there?


Quoting D.O.E.:

i have left my dh before, there is so much more to it than that. and there is no shame in getting some help to get on your feet.

Quoting Anonymous:

Well if I find an all bills paid apartment and pay 3 months in advance I shouldn't need much more than foodstamps, as long as I keep enough $ for diapers, wipes and toiletries.





Quoting D.O.E.:

sweety, your gonna need more than just food stamps. you will need to be on assitance until you find work. you need to be realistic

Quoting Anonymous:

I'm thinking of getting a little apartment, even 1 bedroom since I sleep on the couch anyways. I can pay the deposit and a couple months rent. I might have to get fs until I get a job but it would be better than being in the situation I'm in.








Quoting D.O.E.:

worse things can happen than being a single mom. just have a plan

Quoting Anonymous:

I know. :( I just never ever ever wanted to have to be a single mom :(











Quoting D.O.E.:

thats a form of abuse you know.

if you have evaluated the relationship, and you find more cons thab pros, then do what you have to do.

Quoting Anonymous:

Tried it but he takes all the money














Quoting Redbrandoni:

Wouldn't it be easier if you kept track and made sure they were paid on time by writing the checks?



















livelaughlov26
by on Mar. 6, 2013 at 11:24 PM
Have you talked to him about it? Met with a financial advisor? Told him how much it is driving your marriage apart? Counseling? Is that the only thing or are you unhappy in general with him?
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
D.O.E.
by on Mar. 6, 2013 at 11:26 PM

uh well i am in canada,so i simply got a signed lease, took it to social services, told them i was leaving my husband and needed help. i had a pt job, but i didnt make enough to make ends meet. i applied for rental supplement and low inbome supplement that was an extra 500 a month, i submitted my utilities to ss every month and they paid them. i was able to get help paying for childcare, even gas vouchers to get to and from  work.

Quoting Anonymous:

:-/ what other help is there?


Quoting D.O.E.:

i have left my dh before, there is so much more to it than that. and there is no shame in getting some help to get on your feet.

Quoting Anonymous:

Well if I find an all bills paid apartment and pay 3 months in advance I shouldn't need much more than foodstamps, as long as I keep enough $ for diapers, wipes and toiletries.





Quoting D.O.E.:

sweety, your gonna need more than just food stamps. you will need to be on assitance until you find work. you need to be realistic

Quoting Anonymous:

I'm thinking of getting a little apartment, even 1 bedroom since I sleep on the couch anyways. I can pay the deposit and a couple months rent. I might have to get fs until I get a job but it would be better than being in the situation I'm in.








Quoting D.O.E.:

worse things can happen than being a single mom. just have a plan

Quoting Anonymous:

I know. :( I just never ever ever wanted to have to be a single mom :(











Quoting D.O.E.:

thats a form of abuse you know.

if you have evaluated the relationship, and you find more cons thab pros, then do what you have to do.

Quoting Anonymous:

Tried it but he takes all the money














Quoting Redbrandoni:

Wouldn't it be easier if you kept track and made sure they were paid on time by writing the checks?




















Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Mar. 6, 2013 at 11:30 PM
Oh ok. They have government housing here but it takes years to get into. Idk about section 8, though, iv never needed any help :( I blame myself, I wanted to be a sahm so bad and now I'm stuck. The only assistance I know of is tanf which is where the state gives me $ but takes it out of his check, so it's pretty much child support. Plus of course Medicaid and fs.


Quoting D.O.E.:

uh well i am in canada,so i simply got a signed lease, took it to social services, told them i was leaving my husband and needed help. i had a pt job, but i didnt make enough to make ends meet. i applied for rental supplement and low inbome supplement that was an extra 500 a month, i submitted my utilities to ss every month and they paid them. i was able to get help paying for childcare, even gas vouchers to get to and from  work.

Quoting Anonymous:

:-/ what other help is there?





Quoting D.O.E.:

i have left my dh before, there is so much more to it than that. and there is no shame in getting some help to get on your feet.

Quoting Anonymous:

Well if I find an all bills paid apartment and pay 3 months in advance I shouldn't need much more than foodstamps, as long as I keep enough $ for diapers, wipes and toiletries.








Quoting D.O.E.:

sweety, your gonna need more than just food stamps. you will need to be on assitance until you find work. you need to be realistic

Quoting Anonymous:

I'm thinking of getting a little apartment, even 1 bedroom since I sleep on the couch anyways. I can pay the deposit and a couple months rent. I might have to get fs until I get a job but it would be better than being in the situation I'm in.











Quoting D.O.E.:

worse things can happen than being a single mom. just have a plan

Quoting Anonymous:

I know. :( I just never ever ever wanted to have to be a single mom :(














Quoting D.O.E.:

thats a form of abuse you know.

if you have evaluated the relationship, and you find more cons thab pros, then do what you have to do.

Quoting Anonymous:

Tried it but he takes all the money

















Quoting Redbrandoni:

Wouldn't it be easier if you kept track and made sure they were paid on time by writing the checks?


























Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Mar. 6, 2013 at 11:32 PM
This has been going on for 3 plus years. I talk to him and he says he'll change, he never does. He's horrible with money.
I am tired of being treated like I'm less than him, he talks down to me and verbally abuses me.


Quoting livelaughlov26:

Have you talked to him about it? Met with a financial advisor? Told him how much it is driving your marriage apart? Counseling? Is that the only thing or are you unhappy in general with him?

cajun_lady_swla
by on Mar. 6, 2013 at 11:32 PM
Cut up his card and stash the checks.Give him a reloadable visa with a set amount of money from each check for him to spend and should he need more than that you can transfer it over (ie. for truck parts/supplies. That's what we did because my guy is just forgetful when it comes to spending. We even went to our credit union (we don't fool with banks any more) and instructed them that unless I call in the withdrawl he can't pull cash.

The abusiveness, however, is a huge warning flag. He needs to get his head straight before things escalate and if he won't it very well may be time to go.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
D.O.E.
by on Mar. 6, 2013 at 11:34 PM

well if you can get it then get it. cuz trust me you will need it. especially medicaid cuz you are in the states and it would be shitty if one of your kids needed the ER and you had no insurance or $

Quoting Anonymous:

Oh ok. They have government housing here but it takes years to get into. Idk about section 8, though, iv never needed any help :( I blame myself, I wanted to be a sahm so bad and now I'm stuck. The only assistance I know of is tanf which is where the state gives me $ but takes it out of his check, so it's pretty much child support. Plus of course Medicaid and fs.


Quoting D.O.E.:

uh well i am in canada,so i simply got a signed lease, took it to social services, told them i was leaving my husband and needed help. i had a pt job, but i didnt make enough to make ends meet. i applied for rental supplement and low inbome supplement that was an extra 500 a month, i submitted my utilities to ss every month and they paid them. i was able to get help paying for childcare, even gas vouchers to get to and from  work.

Quoting Anonymous:

:-/ what other help is there?





Quoting D.O.E.:

i have left my dh before, there is so much more to it than that. and there is no shame in getting some help to get on your feet.

Quoting Anonymous:

Well if I find an all bills paid apartment and pay 3 months in advance I shouldn't need much more than foodstamps, as long as I keep enough $ for diapers, wipes and toiletries.








Quoting D.O.E.:

sweety, your gonna need more than just food stamps. you will need to be on assitance until you find work. you need to be realistic

Quoting Anonymous:

I'm thinking of getting a little apartment, even 1 bedroom since I sleep on the couch anyways. I can pay the deposit and a couple months rent. I might have to get fs until I get a job but it would be better than being in the situation I'm in.











Quoting D.O.E.:

worse things can happen than being a single mom. just have a plan

Quoting Anonymous:

I know. :( I just never ever ever wanted to have to be a single mom :(














Quoting D.O.E.:

thats a form of abuse you know.

if you have evaluated the relationship, and you find more cons thab pros, then do what you have to do.

Quoting Anonymous:

Tried it but he takes all the money

















Quoting Redbrandoni:

Wouldn't it be easier if you kept track and made sure they were paid on time by writing the checks?



























livelaughlov26
by on Mar. 6, 2013 at 11:35 PM
Well that is different. It sounds like he has control issues. I would leave probably. But its your decision.


Quoting Anonymous:

This has been going on for 3 plus years. I talk to him and he says he'll change, he never does. He's horrible with money.

I am tired of being treated like I'm less than him, he talks down to me and verbally abuses me.




Quoting livelaughlov26:

Have you talked to him about it? Met with a financial advisor? Told him how much it is driving your marriage apart? Counseling? Is that the only thing or are you unhappy in general with him?


Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)