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how to explain foster care to a 7 year old?

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
I have a 7 year old son... And sister. They grew up together played together, slept together, etc. 2 years ago, mom picked up and left. Haven't seen them since, or even talked to them. A year ago, my sister was taken by cps... My son would write her letters. Today, he wrote one and wants to send it out.



Thing is, even we aren't allowed to contact her now. I'm not sure if this is new or if its always been like this. There's a huge possibility that we may never see her again. Again- no contact allowed plus she's in another country!



How do I explain that to my son? Do I not say anything?





His letter says, dear c... This is K. You might not remember me but I am your nephew K. I miss you. Do you miss me too? Then he drew a picture of them two holding hands.


Why she's in another country: my mom decided that she didn't like being here/with us again and left. She's been doing that for over 10 years now. She leaves my brother behind, but took her youngest.. IMO, its her attempt at starting a new family.

Why no contact: not sure. We've been sending her things this past year but I'm not sure if she's been getting them now. :-( my mom was denied visitations in Feb, they are accusing her of something she didn't do (she has an alibi- was with the lawyer)... I'm not sure if since she was denied, everyone would be.


I think that kinda covers everything. My mom isn't a citizen of that country, but my sister has duel citizenship- USA and Australia, where all this is occurring
Posted by Anonymous on Mar. 6, 2013 at 10:03 PM
Replies (11-20):
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Mar. 7, 2013 at 2:08 AM
If they'd send them here, placed under our states cps, I'd want to foster or even adopt... At the very least, go to every visit... But they don't want to send her back here.

I'm not sure why we can't contact. My mom was just denied it in Feb... When they denied her, I guess they cut off all family members...? Thinking about it, I'm not even sure if she's been getting the stuff we've been sending her- presents, letters, cards, pics.. We even made her a scrap book full of pics when she was here. I hope no one has thrown that stuff away

Quoting LucyHarper:

Just explain that sometimes parents aren't able to take care of their children, so the children go to live with other parents, called foster parents, for a little while who will take good care of them. How did she get taken to another country and why can't you contact her? Could you possibly foster her?

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Mar. 7, 2013 at 2:16 AM
Bump
cjsix
by Platinum Member on Mar. 7, 2013 at 2:18 AM

 I am so sorry...sorry for you and your older sister but,even more for your little sister.If she is in another country can you find out who to contact and talk to? Is there anyone who might try to help?

I don't know if they can do anything here but,I do know that they work on some pretty serious and urgent international cases,so it is worth a shot! Please try them and see if they may be able to help you...praying you find a way to bring your little sister back home to the rest of her family(you and your older sister).Hugs Momma!

http://aclj.org/contact-us 

American Center for Law and Justice
P.O. Box 90555
Washington, DC 20090-0555
1-800-296-4529
Legal Helpline Phone: 757-226-2489
Legal Helpline Fax: 757-226-2836
Member Services: 757-802-9160
Radio call-in number: 1-800-684-3110 (from 12-12:30 PM EST/EDT.)
Petition call-in number: 1-877-989-2255
For information on broadcasting Jay Sekulow Live! or Jay Sekulow Weekend:
Phone: 770-414-0806


Quoting Anonymous:

I'm not sure why we aren't allowed contact. Ds has been writing her letters, I've been sending them to my older sister, who sends them to our mom...

In Feb, it was determined that for now, my mom isn't allowed to contact her. She sent her balloons at school on Valentines day and was arrested for it. My older sister asked if she could contact the caseworker, maybe Skype with her so she remembers us and that she is loved and thought about... But my mom said no one is allowed to contact her.

She's in another country BC my mom didn't like being here and wanted to run away from us (her other kids, and the drama from here).

Later this month is the last court date that determines who gets her- either back to mom (she'll come back to the USA right afterwards) or the state/district. The country they're in doesn't want to send my little sister back... I mean its kinda understandable- they have no idea who we are and if she'd be safe! But I can't imagine 11 years passing before being allowed to talk to her. :-( we (the family here) didn't do anything wrong.

Quoting cjsix:

 Why are you not allowed to contact her? Can you talk to a lawyer and have them try and step in? Could a lawyer help you get custody? Have the mom's right been terminated and she is possibly been or being adopted? You are family and should be considered for placement of your little sister before anyone else.

 

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Mar. 7, 2013 at 2:22 AM
Maybe I just have weird kids but, I just tell them what's going on. I don't understand why that would be difficult. "Grandma is different than we are and isn't always the best mom. Aunt has to live with someone else for now. I don't know where she is, but I wish I did. It really sucks, doesn't it?" Then answer all the questions you know the answers to. Not everyone our children know are great people. They won't shrivel up and die if they know that. Especially if they have a good strong family they can count on.
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Mar. 7, 2013 at 2:27 AM
Would you tell them they might not see someone for at least 11 years? He's more sensitive than a "normal" 7 year old... I can just imagine the crying, not understanding, even just to send a simple letter and possibly get one back. The foster parents could read it first if they wanted.

Quoting Anonymous:

Maybe I just have weird kids but, I just tell them what's going on. I don't understand why that would be difficult. "Grandma is different than we are and isn't always the best mom. Aunt has to live with someone else for now. I don't know where she is, but I wish I did. It really sucks, doesn't it?" Then answer all the questions you know the answers to. Not everyone our children know are great people. They won't shrivel up and die if they know that. Especially if they have a good strong family they can count on.
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Mar. 7, 2013 at 2:28 AM
Wow. I've been researching this for months, any legal help to get her back, but this has never come up.

Thank you so much! I plan on calling tomorrow

Quoting cjsix:

 I am so sorry...sorry for you and your older sister but,even more for your little sister.If she is in another country can you find out who to contact and talk to? Is there anyone who might try to help?


I don't know if they can do anything here but,I do know that they work on some pretty serious and urgent international cases,so it is worth a shot! Please try them and see if they may be able to help you...praying you find a way to bring your little sister back home to the rest of her family(you and your older sister).Hugs Momma!


http://aclj.org/contact-us 


American Center for Law and Justice
P.O. Box 90555
Washington, DC 20090-0555
1-800-296-4529
Legal Helpline Phone: 757-226-2489
Legal Helpline Fax: 757-226-2836
Member Services: 757-802-9160
Radio call-in number: 1-800-684-3110 (from 12-12:30 PM EST/EDT.)
Petition call-in number: 1-877-989-2255
For information on broadcasting Jay Sekulow Live! or Jay Sekulow Weekend:
Phone: 770-414-0806



Quoting Anonymous:

I'm not sure why we aren't allowed contact. Ds has been writing her letters, I've been sending them to my older sister, who sends them to our mom...

In Feb, it was determined that for now, my mom isn't allowed to contact her. She sent her balloons at school on Valentines day and was arrested for it. My older sister asked if she could contact the caseworker, maybe Skype with her so she remembers us and that she is loved and thought about... But my mom said no one is allowed to contact her.

She's in another country BC my mom didn't like being here and wanted to run away from us (her other kids, and the drama from here).

Later this month is the last court date that determines who gets her- either back to mom (she'll come back to the USA right afterwards) or the state/district. The country they're in doesn't want to send my little sister back... I mean its kinda understandable- they have no idea who we are and if she'd be safe! But I can't imagine 11 years passing before being allowed to talk to her. :-( we (the family here) didn't do anything wrong.


Quoting cjsix:


 Why are you not allowed to contact her? Can you talk to a lawyer and have them try and step in? Could a lawyer help you get custody? Have the mom's right been terminated and she is possibly been or being adopted? You are family and should be considered for placement of your little sister before anyone else.


 

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Mar. 7, 2013 at 2:33 AM
That's rough. Spuds like you keep it simple. That's what I'm getting from the replies. And be honest that it's a hard situation am uncommon. So it's hard to help him understand. Good luck with all that.
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Mar. 7, 2013 at 2:34 AM

First of all, why are you not allowed contact? I would think custody would go to you. 

And for your son, be honest. My daughter has known what foster care was since kindergarten because she had a friend in foster care. keep it simple. its when other mommies and daddies take care of a child when their own mommy or daddy cant. sometimes grown ups arent ready to be mommies or daddies, and sometimes they get sick and cant take care of their children. so other families volunteer to take care of those children until the mommy or daddy can get better if they can. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Mar. 7, 2013 at 2:36 AM
Well, I wouldn't say "you might not see her for 11 years". You don't even know if that's true. But, I would say "i just don't know when we will get to see her again.I wish I did. It makes me sad, too". And move on from it. Not that you shouldn't care, or try to get her back or find out where she is, but as far as your child is concerned... It's the truth, as you know it at this time, and that's it. "i don't know for sure who is taking care of her right now, but I'm sure whoever it is thinks she's just as awesome as we do! Remember that time we all laughed at her joke? I bet she will make them laugh at the same thing! She's so funny... "

Quoting Anonymous:

Would you tell them they might not see someone for at least 11 years? He's more sensitive than a "normal" 7 year old... I can just imagine the crying, not understanding, even just to send a simple letter and possibly get one back. The foster parents could read it first if they wanted.



Quoting Anonymous:

Maybe I just have weird kids but, I just tell them what's going on. I don't understand why that would be difficult. "Grandma is different than we are and isn't always the best mom. Aunt has to live with someone else for now. I don't know where she is, but I wish I did. It really sucks, doesn't it?" Then answer all the questions you know the answers to. Not everyone our children know are great people. They won't shrivel up and die if they know that. Especially if they have a good strong family they can count on.
cjsix
by Platinum Member on Mar. 7, 2013 at 2:52 AM

 I am praying that this will help you!

Quoting Anonymous:

Wow. I've been researching this for months, any legal help to get her back, but this has never come up.

Thank you so much! I plan on calling tomorrow

Quoting cjsix:

 I am so sorry...sorry for you and your older sister but,even more for your little sister.If she is in another country can you find out who to contact and talk to? Is there anyone who might try to help?


I don't know if they can do anything here but,I do know that they work on some pretty serious and urgent international cases,so it is worth a shot! Please try them and see if they may be able to help you...praying you find a way to bring your little sister back home to the rest of her family(you and your older sister).Hugs Momma!


http://aclj.org/contact-us 


American Center for Law and Justice
P.O. Box 90555
Washington, DC 20090-0555
1-800-296-4529
Legal Helpline Phone: 757-226-2489
Legal Helpline Fax: 757-226-2836
Member Services: 757-802-9160
Radio call-in number: 1-800-684-3110 (from 12-12:30 PM EST/EDT.)
Petition call-in number: 1-877-989-2255
For information on broadcasting Jay Sekulow Live! or Jay Sekulow Weekend:
Phone: 770-414-0806



Quoting Anonymous:

I'm not sure why we aren't allowed contact. Ds has been writing her letters, I've been sending them to my older sister, who sends them to our mom...

In Feb, it was determined that for now, my mom isn't allowed to contact her. She sent her balloons at school on Valentines day and was arrested for it. My older sister asked if she could contact the caseworker, maybe Skype with her so she remembers us and that she is loved and thought about... But my mom said no one is allowed to contact her.

She's in another country BC my mom didn't like being here and wanted to run away from us (her other kids, and the drama from here).

Later this month is the last court date that determines who gets her- either back to mom (she'll come back to the USA right afterwards) or the state/district. The country they're in doesn't want to send my little sister back... I mean its kinda understandable- they have no idea who we are and if she'd be safe! But I can't imagine 11 years passing before being allowed to talk to her. :-( we (the family here) didn't do anything wrong.


Quoting cjsix:


 Why are you not allowed to contact her? Can you talk to a lawyer and have them try and step in? Could a lawyer help you get custody? Have the mom's right been terminated and she is possibly been or being adopted? You are family and should be considered for placement of your little sister before anyone else.


 

 

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