I have never had a non-traumatic birth....long story
I know I may take some heat for this, maybe bashed, maybe called a "troll", maybe even called dumb, and while i almost went anonymously I decided not too because I want to share my story with you as myself in the open. Not because I want praise or attention, but because I felt alone for so long until I read some posts on this site that helped me see that I'm not. so...here goes.
I was 19 years old when I got preggers with my first little bundle of joy. I had just come back from a much needed trip with my sons father when my mom called and told me she was 3 weeks late and asked if i could pick her up a test. I had previously suffered a couple miscarriages and had been told that pregnancy was not in my future because of complications, so I was never one to keep track of my period. The thing was that I always started and ended the same day as my mom, and things did seem off. I had intense boob pain, and certain foods had been making me sick. so when I got home, i picked up a two pack of tests...(figured i would take one for shits and giggles)....took it and it was positive! I had a friend check it just to be sure i was reading it right lol. I called my mom and she was super excited! I went to her house and she took hers...she was preggers too! now I know that seems odd....but me and my little sis have a 12 year age gap...so i was ready for another big gap in age with another sib.
Fast forward a bit, we found out our due dates were the exact same (may 9th) which in a way freaked me out. ( I mean...at that rate I know what we were both doing that same day...eeewww) Sadly, my mom had miscarried shortly after. She told me she felt she could handle her loss better than I thought she could...at her age another baby would be hard and the idea of a grand-baby would help her pull through. My pregnancy was beautiful. No morning sickness, every Doc visit went well and I was told it would be a very easy pregnancy. Then my due date came. And left. I was put on monitors everyday for almost a week when I was told I would be induced. Well labor happened on its own.... 4 days of contractions and 1cm of dialation, and by day 5 i was full active labor. water didn't break, but contractions were now 2 minutes apart. Went to the hospital at 1am. Still at 1 cm. at about 7 am i was givin an epidural and induced. They broke my water and left while dialated to 5cm. I was still in pain and felt the need to push...turns out i was only to 7cm and both mine and babys heart rates had droppped dangerously low. so..emergency c-section (epidural wasn't working so they put me to sleep) I woke up and had to wait 20 minutes unable to talk because of the meds to find out that he was ok and in perfect health. I felt robbed of a vaginal birth i was prepping for...but just relieved he was alright.
Baby # 2 with my now husband wasn't an easy pregnancy or birth. I found out that my pap smear had come back abnormal and had sever pain in my cervix all the way through. I found out a week before my due date that although my Doc had promised me a v-bac, he no longer would provide the service. 9 freakin months they had time to tell me and they waited till the last minute. Needless to say I was pissed. I had done all the research verifying that a v-bac was perfectly fine based on my incisions from my c-section, and was not only safer than a second c-section, but was recommended. I informed my doctor that i was refusing another, and he confided in me that he believed it was best but his office no longer endorsed such practice because of liability and had to drop me as a patient. So there I was...2 days till my due date, no doctor, no care. I searched for a doctor but none would take me....however one recommended a hospital where it wasn't an issue to have a v-bac. almost a month passes before i went into labor. A FREAKIN MONTH....10 months pregnant. We made it to the hospital, but while i had only been in labor an hour, i was dialated to ten and told to push. not fun...being that he was so far overdue, his head was large and so was he...almost 10 lbs and no pain meds. The placenta was totally healthy and so was he thank god.....but i suffered such severe post-partum that i don't remember much except not wanting to touch, feed, or look at him. It almost killed my relationship with both my hubby and my relationship as a mother. luckily it turned around and i got help...and we now have a very happy family.
baby #3. Here is where I expect most of the bashing will come. we had just moved to a new place...one where our boys could have their own room instead of our tiny ass one bedroom apartment. during the move, we ate quite a bit of fast food...being as we had no kitchen supplies due to all the packing. I put on about 7, maybe 8 pounds all over, but it wasnt a huge deal. what was, is that no matter how hard i tried i couldnt take of the pounds. I had been having perfectly on time periods....which was abnormal but i figured i just got back on track. i had missed a period by two weeks and taken 3 tests....(the first negative, the next positive, and the a negative and started my period) a few months before, but since things got normal again i thought nothing of it. About 3 months after we moved (we had x-mas at our new house and all the family was over) I woke up one january morning like i would any other. It was 8 am. I made coffee. I watched some tv. I called and chatted with my mom at about 9:15....typical day for me. then the pain started. I was due for my period, and attributed it to cramps. They got worse. Hubby told me to take a bath and not worry about the boys...but the pain got worse. i felt some fluid so i felt down and saw a yellowish mucous coated in a light layer of blood. I felt further and i could feel as mass. ( now bear with me..i had been told horror stories of a womens uterus literally falling out after a v-bac from someone who had it happen...and i assumed this was my case since i had regular periods, hardly any weight gain and no kicking) My hubby freaked out and threw us ( me and my two sons) in the car and took me to the hospital. When we got to the local er...he ran around and opened the door, pulled down my pants and flipped out. he ran inside and i could hear him yelling that his wife was having a baby right now and that he needed help. a security guard pushed him outside and pointed to maternity and told him we had to go there. I felt down and felt the head. HOLY SHIT HE WAS RIGHT! he yelled at the guard, "NO! I CAN SEE THE HEAD! ITS RIGHT THERE!" still he told him maternity. hubby ran back to the car, pulled right up to the door and ponded yelling that he needed help. A couple women came out and tol him he needed to move the car...I yelled for him and he ran over just in time to catch our daughter. She was born still in the sack or caul as they call it, and thank god he took anatomy in college because he was able to rip off the sack and get her to breathe. the women ( who as it turns out were cooks for the cafiteria who were on a smoke break) ran out with towels and scissors. they cut the cord, some docs came out and they wheeled me away, took the baby, and left my husband and my two sons (3 and 1 at the time) in the parking lot.
well before i got to the hospital ( sorry to back track a bit..) I had called my mom telling her something was really wrong and i was going to the hospital. i had dropped the phone and all she heard was screaming so she showed up. from what i was told...she ran in asking where i was. my husband walked over and told her i had a baby ( for some reason she heard "lost a baby") and was pretty calm. Then my oldest said to her "grandma look! thats my sister!" I could hear it down the hall...one loud "WHAT THE FUCK?! I SAW HER YESTERDAY AND SHE WASNT PREGNANT!?" she came in and held me as i cried....she told me my baby was doing fine and was beautiful.
The next few hours? hell. they tormented me with questions, called me a drug addict...wouldnt let me hold, touch, see ofr feed my baby until my tox screen came back...which was negative for anything. the first time i held her she was hooked to oxygen...turns out she was a month premature but her lungs were fully developed and she was fine. the nurse in there with us called cps....i had a worker come in and ask a ton of questions. asked if i used street drugs or smoked pot while pregnant. i told them no. did you drink? yes. how often? im 23...i drink socially such as dinner dates or football games at the pizza place. do you smoke cigarrettes? yes. half pack a day at the very most..usually less. needless to say i was comletely honest and the case was never opened. but i had been treated like shit. they tried to bill me for the delivery, but my daughter has her father listed as not only the father but the attending doctor, and her birthplace just says parking lot. i treatened to sue and they waived all my bills.
I guess what i am trying to say is that every birth i have had sucked the big one. me and hubby both want another....but i am terrified. i dont want to go through any of these things again. I am a poster child of how things can and will go wrong...and while my four year old is being skipped a grade, my 2 year old is being recommended for early school admission, and my daughter has bewildered doctors with her early developments i somehow feel like a failure. For the record, just because i smoked and drank (which i did not do the first two times around) during pregnancy, i do not want other moms to think it is okay. i got lucky....VERY LUCKY. so bash if you want...hate if you want....i have people tell me all the time i should have just had a second c-section....i should have known i was preggers.....i can take it. But this is cafemom. a place for moms....and i am a mom of 3. hate me, love me, respect me or not....at least i got to tell my story. thank you for listening.