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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

VENT ABOUT BM

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

Ugh. So tired of this woman! She is hardcore addicted to meth and she has been out of dds life for years and years. She has never once called sent a card on a birthday, or done anything! She signed over all of her rights to sd so she wouldnt be ordered to pay support anymore (although she was court ordered before she signed over, and never paid) but thats besides the point. She texts my husbands phone last night saying she wants to see DD and she wants to bring her new husband with her and her two other kids that they BOTH dont have custody of (her new husbands MOTHER has full custody of the kids because they are both meth addicts). Anyway, SD saw the text before my husband did and she is insisting to see her mother. She hasnt seen her mother in 9 years. What should we do?! Let her see her? bring her new husband and two other kids which SD has never met in her life? 

Posted by Anonymous on Mar. 7, 2013 at 8:27 AM
Replies (11-20):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 7, 2013 at 8:37 AM

Yes she knows about her mommy and her mommy is sick with a disease right now and can't be the mommy she wants her to be. 

Its been a very tough road for SD. She struggles with it everyday. She thinks she can save her mommy and make her stop doing drugs, that's why she wants to see her. =( breaks my heart. I feel so bad for sd.

Quoting Anonymous:

 I would allow her to see her. Just set up some precautions. Have it be in a neutral location and obviously don't leave her alone with these people. Does your sd know why she hasn't been in her life?


Quoting Anonymous:

She's 12. 

She got taken away from her mother when her mother got sent to prison for manufacturing meth. My husband has had custody ever since and BM has not called or been around AT ALL since then.

Quoting Anonymous:

How old is she?





paigesmommy5264
by Gold Member on Mar. 7, 2013 at 8:37 AM
Let her see her mom, my dd8 (almost 9) hadn't seen her father since she was 2. For about a year she talker about wanted to meet him. At the last child support hearing I went to talk to him about it. He agreed, we met at a mall. I explained to my dd that this didn't mean he'd be around on a regular basis and she may not see him for many years again. She was fine with all this- she met him in August and hasn't seen him since.
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NiCo86
by on Mar. 7, 2013 at 8:38 AM
why not have a supervised visitation in a public location, like the park or a "play land" at a fast food place (since it is winter and all lol) ? if your SD is 9 I think she has the mental capacity to choose whether or not she wants to see her mother, ya know?
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 7, 2013 at 8:38 AM

That's a great idea. Thank you for your response. 

Quoting paigesmommy5264:

Let her see her mom, my dd8 (almost 9) hadn't seen her father since she was 2. For about a year she talker about wanted to meet him. At the last child support hearing I went to talk to him about it. He agreed, we met at a mall. I explained to my dd that this didn't mean he'd be around on a regular basis and she may not see him for many years again. She was fine with all this- she met him in August and hasn't seen him since.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 7, 2013 at 8:39 AM

I know what you mean. She is not 9, she's actually 12. She does understand to an extent I think. 

My husband doesn't want SD seeing her mother at ALL. I think mainly because he's just trying to shield his own dd from any sadness, which I totally understand, but I dont want to not let SD see her mother if thats what she really truly wants. =( so hard 

Quoting NiCo86:

why not have a supervised visitation in a public location, like the park or a "play land" at a fast food place (since it is winter and all lol) ? if your SD is 9 I think she has the mental capacity to choose whether or not she wants to see her mother, ya know?


Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Mar. 7, 2013 at 8:40 AM
2 moms liked this

personally i think she is old enough to make that choice.  pick a totally safe neutral location and supervise the entire visit.  i would also have her speak to her counselor about it prior to the visit so she can be prepared for the fact that her mom might not be the person she wants her to be....or even show up.

JoJoBean8
by Bronze Member on Mar. 7, 2013 at 8:41 AM
1 mom liked this

If she is in therapy I would tell the therapist. Then the therapist and your dsd can figure out boundaries and the therapist can help her when bm vanishes again. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 7, 2013 at 8:42 AM

I agree. I think she should see her. I just don't want her to be emotionally destroyed when her mother doesn't come around anymore. BM didn't even show up to the final custody hearing.

She showed up to the emergency hearing and said she was addicted to drugs and it was in her daughters best interest to be with her father. She has never called or came around since. 

We have an appointment this afternoon with her therapist so we will see what she says. 

Quoting Anonymous:

personally i think she is old enough to make that choice.  pick a totally safe neutral location and supervise the entire visit.  i would also have her speak to her counselor about it prior to the visit so she can be prepared for the fact that her mom might not be the person she wants her to be....or even show up.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 7, 2013 at 8:43 AM

Yeah we are telling the therapist today at her appointment =(

Sd is dealing with abandonment issues and I just want to save her and never let her feel pain or sadness from her mom ever again. =(

BM has two other kids with another man and she has nothing to do with those kids either. She sees them when shes not high and that's it. 

Quoting JoJoBean8:

If she is in therapy I would tell the therapist. Then the therapist and your dsd can figure out boundaries and the therapist can help her when bm vanishes again. 


NiCo86
by on Mar. 7, 2013 at 8:44 AM
I had a drug addict mom and no dad (my Mon doesn't know who the father is) I had phases about that age where I strived so hard to "save" my mom. I eventually grew out if it. yes, it was very emotionally rough, but sometimes those are the cards you're delt. your husband can't shield her forever. and honestly? if I were in this position I would rather deal with a 12 year olds disappointment in an absent parent, rather than her resenting me for not allowing her the visitation.

Quoting Anonymous:

I know what you mean. She is not 9, she's actually 12. She does understand to an extent I think. 

My husband doesn't want SD seeing her mother at ALL. I think mainly because he's just trying to shield his own dd from any sadness, which I totally understand, but I dont want to not let SD see her mother if thats what she really truly wants. =( so hard 

Quoting NiCo86:

why not have a supervised visitation in a public location, like the park or a "play land" at a fast food place (since it is winter and all lol) ? if your SD is 9 I think she has the mental capacity to choose whether or not she wants to see her mother, ya know?


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