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VENT ABOUT BM

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

Ugh. So tired of this woman! She is hardcore addicted to meth and she has been out of dds life for years and years. She has never once called sent a card on a birthday, or done anything! She signed over all of her rights to sd so she wouldnt be ordered to pay support anymore (although she was court ordered before she signed over, and never paid) but thats besides the point. She texts my husbands phone last night saying she wants to see DD and she wants to bring her new husband with her and her two other kids that they BOTH dont have custody of (her new husbands MOTHER has full custody of the kids because they are both meth addicts). Anyway, SD saw the text before my husband did and she is insisting to see her mother. She hasnt seen her mother in 9 years. What should we do?! Let her see her? bring her new husband and two other kids which SD has never met in her life? 

Posted by Anonymous on Mar. 7, 2013 at 8:27 AM
Replies (21-30):
Jennyanne322
by Ruby Member on Mar. 7, 2013 at 8:47 AM
She is 12. I would allow her to see them, but make it a public place and bring her there and see how it goes. I wouldn't want meth addicts at my house.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 7, 2013 at 8:47 AM

Wow! I'm sorry you had to go through that as a child as well.

It's been a struggle for SD for SURE. It's been a long road and she is doing so well in her life now and doing great in school, and now..bm is back and Im just worried shes going to mess everything up for SD. I really hope she grows out of this stage where she thinks she can save her mother- but it's only normal for a child to want to save their parent.

But yes, we are very worried about the resentment so she will probably end up seeing her BM.

Thanks for responding.

Quoting NiCo86:

I had a drug addict mom and no dad (my Mon doesn't know who the father is) I had phases about that age where I strived so hard to "save" my mom. I eventually grew out if it. yes, it was very emotionally rough, but sometimes those are the cards you're delt. your husband can't shield her forever. and honestly? if I were in this position I would rather deal with a 12 year olds disappointment in an absent parent, rather than her resenting me for not allowing her the visitation.

Quoting Anonymous:

I know what you mean. She is not 9, she's actually 12. She does understand to an extent I think. 

My husband doesn't want SD seeing her mother at ALL. I think mainly because he's just trying to shield his own dd from any sadness, which I totally understand, but I dont want to not let SD see her mother if thats what she really truly wants. =( so hard 

Quoting NiCo86:

why not have a supervised visitation in a public location, like the park or a "play land" at a fast food place (since it is winter and all lol) ? if your SD is 9 I think she has the mental capacity to choose whether or not she wants to see her mother, ya know?



spooky415
by Ruby Member on Mar. 7, 2013 at 8:48 AM
supervised visit in a public location.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 7, 2013 at 8:48 AM

lol definitley agree with you. I would never allow her into my home, ever.

Her new husband is even worse..hes a hardcore meth addict and he steals and lies and he has a criminal record about 10 miles long.

Pretty sad all around, but im sure sd will end up getting her wish and seeing her mother.

Quoting Jennyanne322:l

She is 12. I would allow her to see them, but make it a public place and bring her there and see how it goes. I wouldn't want meth addicts at my house.


NiCo86
by on Mar. 7, 2013 at 8:49 AM
thank you for taking the time to read and reply :)

honestly, my experience made me a stronger, better person!


Quoting Anonymous:

Wow! I'm sorry you had to go through that as a child as well.

It's been a struggle for SD for SURE. It's been a long road and she is doing so well in her life now and doing great in school, and now..bm is back and Im just worried shes going to mess everything up for SD. I really hope she grows out of this stage where she thinks she can save her mother- but it's only normal for a child to want to save their parent.

But yes, we are very worried about the resentment so she will probably end up seeing her BM.

Thanks for responding.

Quoting NiCo86:

I had a drug addict mom and no dad (my Mon doesn't know who the father is) I had phases about that age where I strived so hard to "save" my mom. I eventually grew out if it. yes, it was very emotionally rough, but sometimes those are the cards you're delt. your husband can't shield her forever. and honestly? if I were in this position I would rather deal with a 12 year olds disappointment in an absent parent, rather than her resenting me for not allowing her the visitation.



Quoting Anonymous:

I know what you mean. She is not 9, she's actually 12. She does understand to an extent I think. 

My husband doesn't want SD seeing her mother at ALL. I think mainly because he's just trying to shield his own dd from any sadness, which I totally understand, but I dont want to not let SD see her mother if thats what she really truly wants. =( so hard 

Quoting NiCo86:

why not have a supervised visitation in a public location, like the park or a "play land" at a fast food place (since it is winter and all lol) ? if your SD is 9 I think she has the mental capacity to choose whether or not she wants to see her mother, ya know?



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LilliesValley
by on Mar. 7, 2013 at 8:50 AM
I wouldn't want my child to see a drug addict. Dh needs to put a password on his phone that dd doesn't know. I would maybe consider letting her meet her bm for lunch with you and dh but only if she's clean. If she's not you and dh, well you should do this either way, need to sit down with dd and explain in age appropriate terms what drugs are, drug addicts and the choices bm has made. Your step daughter is obviously over nine so I think she can know the truth. I mean you've probably had the sex talk so why not this. It's not like she's five. If bm isn't clean then include in your conversation that that is why you can't have her meet bm. That's rough. Good luck.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 7, 2013 at 8:50 AM

My own dad is a drug addict and he was never apart of my life, but I always had my mom so I guess I just never cared much. But SD has always said she just wants her mommy and that's all she needs. Must be really tough for a young girl to grow up without her mother. 

Quoting NiCo86:

thank you for taking the time to read and reply :)

honestly, my experience made me a stronger, better person!


Quoting Anonymous:

Wow! I'm sorry you had to go through that as a child as well.

It's been a struggle for SD for SURE. It's been a long road and she is doing so well in her life now and doing great in school, and now..bm is back and Im just worried shes going to mess everything up for SD. I really hope she grows out of this stage where she thinks she can save her mother- but it's only normal for a child to want to save their parent.

But yes, we are very worried about the resentment so she will probably end up seeing her BM.

Thanks for responding.

Quoting NiCo86:

I had a drug addict mom and no dad (my Mon doesn't know who the father is) I had phases about that age where I strived so hard to "save" my mom. I eventually grew out if it. yes, it was very emotionally rough, but sometimes those are the cards you're delt. your husband can't shield her forever. and honestly? if I were in this position I would rather deal with a 12 year olds disappointment in an absent parent, rather than her resenting me for not allowing her the visitation.



Quoting Anonymous:

I know what you mean. She is not 9, she's actually 12. She does understand to an extent I think. 

My husband doesn't want SD seeing her mother at ALL. I think mainly because he's just trying to shield his own dd from any sadness, which I totally understand, but I dont want to not let SD see her mother if thats what she really truly wants. =( so hard 

Quoting NiCo86:

why not have a supervised visitation in a public location, like the park or a "play land" at a fast food place (since it is winter and all lol) ? if your SD is 9 I think she has the mental capacity to choose whether or not she wants to see her mother, ya know?




Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Mar. 7, 2013 at 8:51 AM
Her decision.

Ppl change, maybe she is clean now.

Not letting her see her will make your SD angry and resentful to you and DH
laranadtony
by Ruby Member on Mar. 7, 2013 at 8:51 AM

As much as I hate to say it, you may have to let her find out on her own.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 7, 2013 at 8:53 AM

We don't want to let sd around a drug addict, trust me. But, what's done is done she already saw the text and she is demanding to see her mother. 

I don't know if she is clean or not, all I know is she has been in prison for the past 9-10 years for meth and is currently facing prison time for manufacturing a meth lab. I haven't seen her and she lives out of state so Im not sure what she is up to these days. 

SD is 12 years old and we have explained everything to her age appropriately..as much as we could.

It's very rough, thank you for responding.

Quoting LilliesValley:

I wouldn't want my child to see a drug addict. Dh needs to put a password on his phone that dd doesn't know. I would maybe consider letting her meet her bm for lunch with you and dh but only if she's clean. If she's not you and dh, well you should do this either way, need to sit down with dd and explain in age appropriate terms what drugs are, drug addicts and the choices bm has made. Your step daughter is obviously over nine so I think she can know the truth. I mean you've probably had the sex talk so why not this. It's not like she's five. If bm isn't clean then include in your conversation that that is why you can't have her meet bm. That's rough. Good luck.


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