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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

VENT ABOUT BM

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

Ugh. So tired of this woman! She is hardcore addicted to meth and she has been out of dds life for years and years. She has never once called sent a card on a birthday, or done anything! She signed over all of her rights to sd so she wouldnt be ordered to pay support anymore (although she was court ordered before she signed over, and never paid) but thats besides the point. She texts my husbands phone last night saying she wants to see DD and she wants to bring her new husband with her and her two other kids that they BOTH dont have custody of (her new husbands MOTHER has full custody of the kids because they are both meth addicts). Anyway, SD saw the text before my husband did and she is insisting to see her mother. She hasnt seen her mother in 9 years. What should we do?! Let her see her? bring her new husband and two other kids which SD has never met in her life? 

Posted by Anonymous on Mar. 7, 2013 at 8:27 AM
Replies (31-40):
Jennyanne322
by Ruby Member on Mar. 7, 2013 at 8:53 AM
You just have to hope that she sees them for who she really is. It may not be right now, but she will realize it at some point.

Quoting Anonymous:

lol definitley agree with you. I would never allow her into my home, ever.

Her new husband is even worse..hes a hardcore meth addict and he steals and lies and he has a criminal record about 10 miles long.

Pretty sad all around, but im sure sd will end up getting her wish and seeing her mother.

Quoting Jennyanne322:l

She is 12. I would allow her to see them, but make it a public place and bring her there and see how it goes. I wouldn't want meth addicts at my house.


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Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Mar. 7, 2013 at 8:53 AM

Your right, people do change. But I doubt she has changed since she was just manufacturing a meth lab 2 months ago in her home. 

Quoting Anonymous:

Her decision.

Ppl change, maybe she is clean now.

Not letting her see her will make your SD angry and resentful to you and DH


mama2KiraEthan
by Bronze Member on Mar. 7, 2013 at 8:54 AM

 

I agree with this

Quoting hddcooper:

I would allow her to see her mother in a neutral location with you guys supervising. If you don't , she may end up resenting you and her father. It will not take much for her to see her mother as she truly is. The addiction will not allow her to be a good person and your dd will figure it out. Good luck.


 

sidneyb
by Silver Member on Mar. 7, 2013 at 8:54 AM
Hugs and good luck.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Mar. 7, 2013 at 8:55 AM

Thank you! Your baby is sooo cute! awwwh!

Quoting sidneyb:

Hugs and good luck.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Mar. 7, 2013 at 8:55 AM
How did she know it was her mom who texted
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Mar. 7, 2013 at 8:56 AM

She knows her mothers name....and she read the text?

Quoting Anonymous:

How did she know it was her mom who texted


RaynesMommy07
by Ruby Member on Mar. 7, 2013 at 8:56 AM

Is your SD in therapy?  If so, ask the therapist for suggestions concerning this.   If not, I really have no idea.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Mar. 7, 2013 at 8:57 AM

Yes she's in therapy.

She has been in therapy for years and really has come a long way! We have an appt with the therapist this afternoon and will see what she has to say. Thank you =)

Quoting RaynesMommy07:

Is your SD in therapy?  If so, ask the therapist for suggestions concerning this.   If not, I really have no idea.


NiCo86
by on Mar. 7, 2013 at 8:57 AM
I was fortunate enough to have my grandparents step in and help raise me. I am now in a good place in life (26, dual bachelor degree, FT employment, married to a FT employed husband, two kids, own our home, the whole ten yards) and have no contact with my mother. my life is so mu h stress free since I removed her completely from my life almost 4 years ago

Quoting Anonymous:

My own dad is a drug addict and he was never apart of my life, but I always had my mom so I guess I just never cared much. But SD has always said she just wants her mommy and that's all she needs. Must be really tough for a young girl to grow up without her mother. 

Quoting NiCo86:

thank you for taking the time to read and reply :)



honestly, my experience made me a stronger, better person!




Quoting Anonymous:

Wow! I'm sorry you had to go through that as a child as well.

It's been a struggle for SD for SURE. It's been a long road and she is doing so well in her life now and doing great in school, and now..bm is back and Im just worried shes going to mess everything up for SD. I really hope she grows out of this stage where she thinks she can save her mother- but it's only normal for a child to want to save their parent.

But yes, we are very worried about the resentment so she will probably end up seeing her BM.

Thanks for responding.

Quoting NiCo86:

I had a drug addict mom and no dad (my Mon doesn't know who the father is) I had phases about that age where I strived so hard to "save" my mom. I eventually grew out if it. yes, it was very emotionally rough, but sometimes those are the cards you're delt. your husband can't shield her forever. and honestly? if I were in this position I would rather deal with a 12 year olds disappointment in an absent parent, rather than her resenting me for not allowing her the visitation.





Quoting Anonymous:

I know what you mean. She is not 9, she's actually 12. She does understand to an extent I think. 

My husband doesn't want SD seeing her mother at ALL. I think mainly because he's just trying to shield his own dd from any sadness, which I totally understand, but I dont want to not let SD see her mother if thats what she really truly wants. =( so hard 

Quoting NiCo86:

why not have a supervised visitation in a public location, like the park or a "play land" at a fast food place (since it is winter and all lol) ? if your SD is 9 I think she has the mental capacity to choose whether or not she wants to see her mother, ya know?




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