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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

VENT ABOUT BM

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

Ugh. So tired of this woman! She is hardcore addicted to meth and she has been out of dds life for years and years. She has never once called sent a card on a birthday, or done anything! She signed over all of her rights to sd so she wouldnt be ordered to pay support anymore (although she was court ordered before she signed over, and never paid) but thats besides the point. She texts my husbands phone last night saying she wants to see DD and she wants to bring her new husband with her and her two other kids that they BOTH dont have custody of (her new husbands MOTHER has full custody of the kids because they are both meth addicts). Anyway, SD saw the text before my husband did and she is insisting to see her mother. She hasnt seen her mother in 9 years. What should we do?! Let her see her? bring her new husband and two other kids which SD has never met in her life? 

Posted by Anonymous on Mar. 7, 2013 at 8:27 AM
Replies (51-60):
NiCo86
by on Mar. 7, 2013 at 9:05 AM
she tried here and there during sober spells after court ordered rehab (5 of them). she did abandon me here in AK on two seperate occassions to move to OR with my younger sister. Contact during those times were scarce and I was constantly worried everytime the phone rang that it was the officials advising us that they found her in a ditch somewhere. She's been sober (from hard drugs) for 7? 8 years? but in my "adult years" I tried building a friendship with her, but the years of hard drug using just made her a bad person.

Quoting Anonymous:

Wow!! Congrats to you mama!! 

Was your mom ever involved in your life? Did she come around you? or contact you? Is she still using?

Quoting NiCo86:

I was fortunate enough to have my grandparents step in and help raise me. I am now in a good place in life (26, dual bachelor degree, FT employment, married to a FT employed husband, two kids, own our home, the whole ten yards) and have no contact with my mother. my life is so mu h stress free since I removed her completely from my life almost 4 years ago



Quoting Anonymous:

My own dad is a drug addict and he was never apart of my life, but I always had my mom so I guess I just never cared much. But SD has always said she just wants her mommy and that's all she needs. Must be really tough for a young girl to grow up without her mother. 

Quoting NiCo86:

thank you for taking the time to read and reply :)





honestly, my experience made me a stronger, better person!






Quoting Anonymous:

Wow! I'm sorry you had to go through that as a child as well.

It's been a struggle for SD for SURE. It's been a long road and she is doing so well in her life now and doing great in school, and now..bm is back and Im just worried shes going to mess everything up for SD. I really hope she grows out of this stage where she thinks she can save her mother- but it's only normal for a child to want to save their parent.

But yes, we are very worried about the resentment so she will probably end up seeing her BM.

Thanks for responding.

Quoting NiCo86:

I had a drug addict mom and no dad (my Mon doesn't know who the father is) I had phases about that age where I strived so hard to "save" my mom. I eventually grew out if it. yes, it was very emotionally rough, but sometimes those are the cards you're delt. your husband can't shield her forever. and honestly? if I were in this position I would rather deal with a 12 year olds disappointment in an absent parent, rather than her resenting me for not allowing her the visitation.







Quoting Anonymous:

I know what you mean. She is not 9, she's actually 12. She does understand to an extent I think. 

My husband doesn't want SD seeing her mother at ALL. I think mainly because he's just trying to shield his own dd from any sadness, which I totally understand, but I dont want to not let SD see her mother if thats what she really truly wants. =( so hard 

Quoting NiCo86:

why not have a supervised visitation in a public location, like the park or a "play land" at a fast food place (since it is winter and all lol) ? if your SD is 9 I think she has the mental capacity to choose whether or not she wants to see her mother, ya know?





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MrsCountryMama
by Platinum Member on Mar. 7, 2013 at 9:05 AM
It's a tough situation to be in how do you decide which would damage dd more exposing her to her toxic mother or refusing to let her see bm. Good luck with everything.


Quoting Anonymous:

I agree with you 100%. I'm trying to get my husband to agree to going out to dinner. I don't care if just my husband and SD go to see her mother alone, Im fine with it, my husband on the other hand is absolutely disgusted with the way she has treated dd and just been absent for years and years. It breaks SD's heart and really has caused a bunch of problems for her emotionally. It's just a tough decision to make for my husband.

Quoting MrsCountryMama:

I would allow her to see her for a short period of time in a controlled environment like everyone meet at a restaurant for lunch or dinner when the meal is over leave.

I wouldn't allow them to come to my house and linger as long as they want to. I also wouldn't let them have alone time together due to the fact she's a meth addict she might say or do something crazy to dd.



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Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Mar. 7, 2013 at 9:06 AM

Sd is 12 years old now. I am very worried it will make her sad and my husband is even more worried about it making sd regress and move backwards. She is finally in a good place and making good grades in school, and we want to continute to see her thrive. We don't want sd to feel anymore loss or disappointment in her life, she's had enough of that to last a lifetime.

Quoting ilovemykids323:

 ugh thats so hard... it's been 9 years since she's see her so how old is she? i would just be worried that it would make her sad. but i would make sure to explain to her that the other kids dont live with her either. I dont thnk after 9 years i'd want her to see her. if she was 18 or w/e i wouldn't stop her thats her choice but I see she's only 12 so thats kind of a hard one.


Maevelyn
by Gold Member on Mar. 7, 2013 at 9:06 AM
1 mom liked this

I worded that poorly. I am not crazy.  I meant with out the husband and two other kids. I think that's just over whelming and your dd might feel that she's chosen the other family over her. 

Quoting Anonymous:

She is absolutely not seeing her mother by herself. She has threatend to take off with her and disappear. That's out of the question. 

Quoting Maevelyn:A

I think she should meet her mom by herself first. Unfortunately, she may be opening years of hurt but she is going to have to learn about her mom for herself at some point. 



Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Mar. 7, 2013 at 9:08 AM

Oh, okay, gotcha! I was about to say ...what?! by herself? No way!! She is just too messed up to let that happen. She has child neglect charges on her for not feeding sd when she was 3 years old and sd was found walkign down a main highway in just a diaper when it was 40 degrees outside. Her mother was too high to know what was going on and forgot to feed her, bathe her, change her. SD has sat in the same diaper for 2 days because her mother was too high to remember to change her.

Quoting Maevelyn:

I worded that poorly. I am not crazy.  I meant with out the husband and two other kids. I think that's just over whelming and your dd might feel that she's chosen the other family over her. 

Quoting Anonymous:

She is absolutely not seeing her mother by herself. She has threatend to take off with her and disappear. That's out of the question. 

Quoting Maevelyn:A

I think she should meet her mom by herself first. Unfortunately, she may be opening years of hurt but she is going to have to learn about her mom for herself at some point. 




yksurepa_570
by Member on Mar. 7, 2013 at 9:09 AM
I would bring the issue up with her therpasit. They may be able to help you out with the situation and tell you where to go. Good luck in what ever you guys choose to do
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badylugs80
by Bronze Member on Mar. 7, 2013 at 9:10 AM
If she is currently in therapy, ask her therapist.
I say she should see BM. She should also know that BM is going back to prison for bad things. She's 12, she knows about drugs and that they are illegal.
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mrssummerlin
by Platinum Member on Mar. 7, 2013 at 9:10 AM
Personally, I feel 12 years old is old enough to make this deduction herself.

If she really wants to see her BM, then set it up in a complete neutral environment and stay there to supervise everything. If you suspect that BM is up to something then step in and remove your child from the situation.


Quoting Anonymous:

She's 12. 

She got taken away from her mother when her mother got sent to prison for manufacturing meth. My husband has had custody ever since and BM has not called or been around AT ALL since then.

Quoting Anonymous:

How old is she?


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Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Mar. 7, 2013 at 9:10 AM
If that is true why isn't she in jail?


Quoting Anonymous:

Your right, people do change. But I doubt she has changed since she was just manufacturing a meth lab 2 months ago in her home. 

Quoting Anonymous:

Her decision.



Ppl change, maybe she is clean now.



Not letting her see her will make your SD angry and resentful to you and DH



ilovemykids323
by Platinum Member on Mar. 7, 2013 at 9:11 AM

 yeah I think for those reasons I would tell her no. and if she wants to see her when she's 18 taht is up to her.

Quoting Anonymous:

Sd is 12 years old now. I am very worried it will make her sad and my husband is even more worried about it making sd regress and move backwards. She is finally in a good place and making good grades in school, and we want to continute to see her thrive. We don't want sd to feel anymore loss or disappointment in her life, she's had enough of that to last a lifetime.

Quoting ilovemykids323:

 ugh thats so hard... it's been 9 years since she's see her so how old is she? i would just be worried that it would make her sad. but i would make sure to explain to her that the other kids dont live with her either. I dont thnk after 9 years i'd want her to see her. if she was 18 or w/e i wouldn't stop her thats her choice but I see she's only 12 so thats kind of a hard one.

 

 

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