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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

VENT ABOUT BM

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

Ugh. So tired of this woman! She is hardcore addicted to meth and she has been out of dds life for years and years. She has never once called sent a card on a birthday, or done anything! She signed over all of her rights to sd so she wouldnt be ordered to pay support anymore (although she was court ordered before she signed over, and never paid) but thats besides the point. She texts my husbands phone last night saying she wants to see DD and she wants to bring her new husband with her and her two other kids that they BOTH dont have custody of (her new husbands MOTHER has full custody of the kids because they are both meth addicts). Anyway, SD saw the text before my husband did and she is insisting to see her mother. She hasnt seen her mother in 9 years. What should we do?! Let her see her? bring her new husband and two other kids which SD has never met in her life? 

Posted by Anonymous on Mar. 7, 2013 at 8:27 AM
Replies (61-70):
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Mar. 7, 2013 at 9:11 AM

Um because she bonded out? 

Quoting Anonymous:

If that is true why isn't she in jail?


Quoting Anonymous:

Your right, people do change. But I doubt she has changed since she was just manufacturing a meth lab 2 months ago in her home. 

Quoting Anonymous:

Her decision.



Ppl change, maybe she is clean now.



Not letting her see her will make your SD angry and resentful to you and DH




sidneyb
by Silver Member on Mar. 7, 2013 at 9:12 AM
Thank you! It will all work out for you.

Quoting Anonymous:

Thank you! Your baby is sooo cute! awwwh!

Quoting sidneyb:

Hugs and good luck.


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Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Mar. 7, 2013 at 9:12 AM

Thats what I think is best, but I dont want her to resent us because we love her so much and always want the best for her. I know we cant shield her forever, but when she is 18 she can make her own decisions.

Quoting ilovemykids323:

 yeah I think for those reasons I would tell her no. and if she wants to see her when she's 18 taht is up to her.

Quoting Anonymous:

Sd is 12 years old now. I am very worried it will make her sad and my husband is even more worried about it making sd regress and move backwards. She is finally in a good place and making good grades in school, and we want to continute to see her thrive. We don't want sd to feel anymore loss or disappointment in her life, she's had enough of that to last a lifetime.

Quoting ilovemykids323:

 ugh thats so hard... it's been 9 years since she's see her so how old is she? i would just be worried that it would make her sad. but i would make sure to explain to her that the other kids dont live with her either. I dont thnk after 9 years i'd want her to see her. if she was 18 or w/e i wouldn't stop her thats her choice but I see she's only 12 so thats kind of a hard one.


 


Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Mar. 7, 2013 at 9:13 AM

I sure hope so! Im worried sick for sd =(

Quoting sidneyb:

Thank you! It will all work out for you.

Quoting Anonymous:

Thank you! Your baby is sooo cute! awwwh!

Quoting sidneyb:

Hugs and good luck.



cLanief
by Ruby Member on Mar. 7, 2013 at 9:13 AM
She's 12. She needs to see her or could hold it against you guys.
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kloesmommy
by on Mar. 7, 2013 at 9:14 AM
Set boundaries. With bm. Demand to meet her first with the rules. You have all the say here. She wants to see her, fine but say first meeting is bm only with you or dh supervising. No new husband no new kids. That visit goes well, reevaluate later for new provisions. What it sounds like is she's going to come into the picture and vanish again. This will minimize the damage done. If she sees bm and bm vanishes she has the loss to deal with but thats it. If bm brings her "new family" around than she will deal with not only loss but the feelings of "why didn't she want me". I'd say yes to seeing bm but on your terms and bm must meet with you privately first to discuss rules. She doesn't want to? Well than she solves the issue for you because you can just explain to sd that bm was unable to follow through at the time.

Basically take control of the situation and assert your control throughout it all.
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Omd12
by on Mar. 7, 2013 at 9:14 AM
Meet her at a McDonald's with a play place or something.

You should ask the therapists by phone or with out your dd. she what that think.


Quoting Anonymous:

That's what we've been thinking. We just worry her mother will see her, and then have nothing to do with her all over again. She is currently facing 7 years in prison for manufacturing a meth lab...so regardless her mother is going back to prison. 

We just worry it'll be another loss to SD and we certainly don't want to put her through anything else. She doesn't deserve anymore trauma or loss in her life.

Quoting kngarber:

It might be best to let her see her BM.



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Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Mar. 7, 2013 at 9:15 AM

Well said! Thanks!! That's really good advice.

Quoting kloesmommy:

Set boundaries. With bm. Demand to meet her first with the rules. You have all the say here. She wants to see her, fine but say first meeting is bm only with you or dh supervising. No new husband no new kids. That visit goes well, reevaluate later for new provisions. What it sounds like is she's going to come into the picture and vanish again. This will minimize the damage done. If she sees bm and bm vanishes she has the loss to deal with but thats it. If bm brings her "new family" around than she will deal with not only loss but the feelings of "why didn't she want me". I'd say yes to seeing bm but on your terms and bm must meet with you privately first to discuss rules. She doesn't want to? Well than she solves the issue for you because you can just explain to sd that bm was unable to follow through at the time.

Basically take control of the situation and assert your control throughout it all.


imultracool
by Gold Member on Mar. 7, 2013 at 9:17 AM
I would probably just be honest with her. She's old enough to have been through the DARE program at school so I'm sure she knows about Meth. Tell her if she wants to see her mom she can but her mom is sick, an addict, so she can't be alone with her. And they have to meet in a public place.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Mar. 7, 2013 at 9:17 AM

 Um she must have a really good attorney or some decent money then, or you all live in a state that aren't very strict on things like this.


Quoting Anonymous:

Um because she bonded out? 

Quoting Anonymous:

If that is true why isn't she in jail?


Quoting Anonymous:

Your right, people do change. But I doubt she has changed since she was just manufacturing a meth lab 2 months ago in her home. 

Quoting Anonymous:

Her decision.



Ppl change, maybe she is clean now.



Not letting her see her will make your SD angry and resentful to you and DH

 


 


 

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