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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Was it rude for me to ask this question?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 28 Replies
Today, dh and I met with our doula for the 2nd time to work on our birth plan. I asked her how many births she had attended and if she had any children herself. She doesn't have any children.

After the meeting, dh said, "I can't believe you asked her if she has kids! That was so awkward. It's none of your business if she has kids or not!"

Her profession is dealing with women in labor and birth. I dont think it's unreasonable to ask if she has kids. It doesn't bother me that she doesn't have any. She's a wonderfully sweet lady and a very calming presence.

Was I unintentionally rude?
Posted by Anonymous on Mar. 7, 2013 at 4:17 PM
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Replies (1-10):
peanutsmommy1
by Ruby Member on Mar. 7, 2013 at 4:18 PM
No, I would think it goes to her life experience
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mlg1989
by ZombieMegg on Mar. 7, 2013 at 4:18 PM
I dont think so. You were just wondering and it was a harmless question.
kissesxoxo8882
by Gold Member on Mar. 7, 2013 at 4:19 PM

 No I see nothing rude in asking if a person has kids.

ethans_momma06
by on Mar. 7, 2013 at 4:20 PM

I don't think so.

Litlmama87
by Platinum Member on Mar. 7, 2013 at 4:20 PM
I think that kind of question flows naturally in conversation given the nature of the job.

Your DH wouldn't have found it so awkward if she did in fact have children.
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mom2camy
by on Mar. 7, 2013 at 4:20 PM
No, I don't think it was rude at all considering her profession.
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Thelmama
by Ruby Member on Mar. 7, 2013 at 4:22 PM

I think that is a legitimate question. If she has never been through labor and delivery, I would think it would be more difficult to understand what it is like. Seeing and reading about it is one thing, but expereincing it leads to whole new understanding. Not saying she can't do the job in the least, but experiencing it for herself would make her even more knowledgeable in my opinion.

Jessy613
by Diamond Member on Mar. 7, 2013 at 4:23 PM

No....there is nothing rude about that.

Mrs.Kubalabuku
by Ruby Member on Mar. 7, 2013 at 4:23 PM

No, that is a valid question to ask.  You are simply trying to determine her experience, and when it comes to giving birth, it's hard to understand unless you've done it yourself and/or participated in many births.  I know some women who won't choose a doula or OB that hasn't given birth themselves!  I think that takes it a bit too far, since with enough experience it doesn't matter.  (My best OB, and the ONLY person I will let handle my pregnancies, is a man.  His understanding and compassion are amazing.)

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Mar. 7, 2013 at 4:23 PM

also, considering you can go into labor at any point, asking if she has children and making sure she has a child care plan for HER kids is kind of important:) as a doula in training, it is not offensive:)

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