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disappointed in my kid

Posted by on Mar. 7, 2013 at 5:20 PM
  • 71 Replies

I just signed my son's IEP. Is it bad that i'm slightly disappointed?

I never had any problems in school. In fact, it was so easy for me I didn't even have to TRY to get straight A's. For my oldest son, however, school is torture. He has been diagnosed with a social anxiety. If he's not fully confident in his answer or is wrong it causes him great distress and puts him into what we call his "shut downs". Sometimes he'll stay in his shut down mode for hours, sometimes just a few minutes. Either way it takes him away from learning time. It's so bad that he is now a full year behind in school.

I wish things could be easier for him. He has to work so hard for something that just comes naturally for most kids. 

The testing placed him at below average intelligence. They think this is mostly because of the anxiety experienced during the testing but it allows the school to get him the IEP which means he now gets 30 min 1-on-1 time with a reading teacher and 30 min 1-on-1 with a math teacher every day. So, it's good, I guess... but it makes me feel like my kid is dumb. And he's not. He's so not. He's an amazing kid. Everyone has problems, right? This is just something he struggles with. I'm allowed to be sad about it thought, right?

ETA: ok, ok, disappointed was the wrong word to use. i'm very proud of my son and who he is. he's capable of so much but this anxiety he has is crippling him. i'm sad that he'll have to struggle with this his whole life.

by on Mar. 7, 2013 at 5:20 PM
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Replies (1-10):
AllofFive19
by Ruby Member on Mar. 7, 2013 at 5:23 PM
3 moms liked this

You're disappointed in your kid? Seriously? It's okay to be sad that your kid can't do better in school, but don't be disappointed in your kid.

Leissaintexas
by Platinum Member on Mar. 7, 2013 at 5:24 PM
1 mom liked this

So it's not your kid you're dissappointed in, it's just circumstances, right? Just trying to clarify. Because being dissappointed in your child for something they can't control is just not cool.

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Mar. 7, 2013 at 5:26 PM

sad is fine i cryed when i found out ds has autism, but disappointed no

mtdew
by Silver Member on Mar. 7, 2013 at 5:27 PM

Yes it is ok to be sad.  Try not to be disappointed, your son is doing the best he can.  Your son sounds like mine was.  He also had IEP even though we knew he was a smart kid; any expectations of him would make him anxious and less likely to do well in school.  The school also had a counselor he saw both in kindergarten and then again in 4th grade.  He is now a well-adjusted 15 year old.  Try not to worry too much and just do everything you can for him.

Superlaura328
by Gold Member on Mar. 7, 2013 at 5:29 PM

Of course you can be sad about this. My son has an IEP, too (actually, we just had his annual ARD yesterday, lol). I know how you feel. My son has CP, so he doesn't have a specific learning disability, just overall learning difficulties. He's averaging at the C-D level. Failed all of his state testing last year and is primed to fail again this year, apparently. It's so hard.

The one thing you have to do is just not let him see this side of you. It's not their fault, and we just have to make sure that they know that. But yeah, it's really hard, sitting there while 6 or so people grill you about your childs performance. Sigh. 

spunky946
by Ruby Member on Mar. 7, 2013 at 5:29 PM

Aw, I'm sure he is doing the best he can.  Just support him.

mem82
by Gold Member on Mar. 7, 2013 at 5:31 PM
1 mom liked this

I think your feelings are valid and normal. You'll be able to feel better about this as you see the improvements in him. 8)

mem82
by Gold Member on Mar. 7, 2013 at 5:31 PM

It doesn't mean you don't love him or anything like that.

sheramom4
by Ruby Member on Mar. 7, 2013 at 5:31 PM

I cried when youngest DD was found to have learning disabilities. I was one who didn't even have to try in school to get good grades. I was reading at age 3, I love to learn, I love school (still do and can't wait to go back). I have three children who are the same way. I knew very early that my youngest just wasn't catching on like my other children and got her into services early, but once we got a firm acknowledgment that she did have issues I was devastated.

I was never disappointed though and definitely not in her because she has no control over her learning disabilities. She is very smart, she tried very hard and she is an awesome kid.

MamaMoopsie
by Silver Member on Mar. 7, 2013 at 5:37 PM

Absolutely you can be sad! That's heartbreaking for you as a parent and I can understand your feelings. I was like you, never had any problems in school. Everything came pretty easy for me. I did have to work at the higher level maths, but I still got straight A's. So when my 10 year old is having trouble with basic multiplications and division it drives me nuts and I have to really work at being patient with her.

Everyone has their struggles though. For me, it's public speaking. Honestly, even in school, that's the only thing that gave me any problems. I would get so worked up and anxious that I would have panic attacks. No idea why. I just kept working at it though. I still have public speaking anxiety, but it's not nearly as bad as it used to be. Hopefully your son will also overcome these struggles!

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