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I Want To Adopt, But I Don't Know Where To Begin

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 14 Replies

I have one, absolutely darling, four year old daughter.  My husband and I have been trying to expand our family since shortly after her first birthday.  It turns out I have PCOS and certain things he has been exposed to at work have lowered his sperm count to almost nothing.  We have often talked of adoption, and now we have decided that fate, the universe, or whatever you believe in has pointed us in this direction for a reason.  The trouble is, we do not know where to begin.  He is in the Army, and we know that (depending on circumstances) the military does sometimes cover some of the costs, but either way adoption is expensive.  I do not believe that not being able to afford all the lump sum costs of adoption means that we are not financially secure enough to adopt.  My husband makes a good living, we have health insurance, we live in clean post housing, and I work from home as a writer.  I was advised by one person who adopted through the foster care system that the system is full of children who are considered "fully adoptable".  She says that such adoptions require a few months of monitored, probationary foster care before being made official, and that it is very inexpensive to adopt through the foster care system.  That is really all I know so far about the adoption process.  I would be very grateful for advice from anyone who has adopted children, especially if you are military, as I am sure there is extra paperwork for us.  Thank you!

Posted by Anonymous on Mar. 8, 2013 at 3:24 AM
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Replies (1-10):
bi-polarmommy
by Gold Member on Mar. 8, 2013 at 3:27 AM

 i say check with your local county cps/dss/dhs - whatever its called where you are

even if you dont adopt through foster care, they would be able to point you in the right directions

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Anonymous
by Anonymous on Mar. 8, 2013 at 3:28 AM
Private agencies are less likely to help military families as they deem them unstable due to frequent moves and deployments. That's all I know. Much more likely chance of adopting thru foster care.
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Mar. 8, 2013 at 3:30 AM

Not in Russia

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Mar. 8, 2013 at 3:31 AM

My husband will be getting out at the end of his current enlistment.  My main concern with going through the foster system is that we are currently stationed in Hawaii, but do not intend to stay here, and I worry that they would not want to give a child to someone who would be raising them an ocean away from their homeland and culture.


Quoting Anonymous:

Private agencies are less likely to help military families as they deem them unstable due to frequent moves and deployments. That's all I know. Much more likely chance of adopting thru foster care.



Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Mar. 8, 2013 at 3:32 AM

Indeed.


Quoting Anonymous:

Not in Russia



Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Mar. 8, 2013 at 3:34 AM

Oh, and race is defintely not a deciding factor for us.  As well, we are not looking to limit our search to babies, especially since it is they are much more "in demand", for lack of a better term.  A child closer to our daughter's age would actually be wonderful.

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Mar. 8, 2013 at 3:36 AM
I don't know all of the specifics, but my best friend adopted a baby (who is now 11) through the foster care system. The cost was very minimal. And it didn't take very long at all. Actually, it was much faster than they planned on and she had to scramble to get ready for him! The key, for them, was being open to all races and genders. They just wanted him to be a baby. He was 3 months old. I know they had to go through all of the foster parent classes, but they were able to specify that they only wanted to foster to adopt. And they started out by contacting a foster care agency.
ldylancer03
by Bronze Member on Mar. 8, 2013 at 3:39 AM
Your story sounds a lot like us. We have a six yr old boy and have been trying for another one since his third bday. Just recently we were asked to help foster my cousins newborn so we are going thru the foster care application now. We talked about it and decided that even if we don't get to help my cousins baby at least we would be cleared and hopefully get into the adoption part of it once we get to sit down and talk to someone. We have a lot of questions too. Good luck. Everybody needs someone. ESP a child
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handy0318
by Platinum Member on Mar. 8, 2013 at 3:49 AM

We adopted both of our children from the foster care system. They were both about 3.5 years old when we brought them home.

The information about it being very inexpensive to adopt foster children is correct.  Most of the costs associated with the process are covered by the state and those that are not range in the $100's to $1000's as opposed to the tens of thousands that are normal with private adoptions.  

However, as much as I champion adopting from the foster care system, it's best to approach it with your eyes wide open.  You will be adopting a child that has been through some profound problems...often neglect and/or abuse and the loss of their birth mother and father to name two biggies... Because of this, children who are adopted from foster care often need special counseling and services to overcome the chaos of their early, most formative years. My dd had some real behavioral problems and needed a number of years of therapy. My ds, just some sessions with the family with my dd's therapist. Both are doing great now at ages 15 and 13. I can assure you that I have two of the greatest kids imaginable and am quite thankful that I wasn't able to bear children naturally... because if I had, I wouldn't have had my two angels.

The first step in this process is a home-study.  Contact whatever state agency oversees foster adoption and find out what the requirements for a home-study are.  You should get connected with someone who can start walking you though the process.

Also, there's an Adoptive Mom's forum here at CM...  you should ask this question there as well to see if anyone has the military information you asked for.

Good luck!!! 

paganmommy4
by on Mar. 8, 2013 at 3:51 AM

Adopting through foster care

Psych Evals

Parenting Classes

Letters of Recommendations

Background checks

Home visits


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