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Private lessons + kids?

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

DD is 21 and autistic. She has private singing/guitar lessons, an hour a week. She came home today with a silly smile on her face and I asked what was up; she said that her teacher had changed, and that he was really really cute. I'm a bit worried because DD has a habit of behaving innapropriately with boys and I've had to recently revert to asking her who/what/when/where/why and making her check in when she goes out. She does this because some little cow in her old high school told her that being a slut was "cool" and hasn't managed to get it out of her head since. The music school told me that because she's over 18, because she booked the lessons independantly, because she pays for her own lessons they can't talk to me about anything without DD being next to me. I want to know; I want to give her independance, but on the other hand is it too much that I randomly check in on lessons to make sure that he's not taking advantage of her? The room they are in is in the back of the store, where it isn't constantly in traffic. The manager said she hasn't heard anything suspicious but she is all the way at the front of the store... What do you mom's do with your kids having private lessons or tutoring in houses?

Posted by Anonymous on Mar. 8, 2013 at 4:06 AM
Replies (11-20):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 8, 2013 at 6:28 AM



Quoting romalove:


Quoting Anonymous:



Quoting romalove:


Quoting Anonymous:


She can express it, she just can't see anything 'wrong'/being taken advantage of with it. hence why I can't convince her to switch to a female teacher; and because the music school hasn't noticed/seen anything they won't move her. So, did you have planned on when you would go in early or did you just do random times/days so that he knew nothing could happen?

Quoting romalove:

My daughter has private guitar lessons with a man at his house.  She is almost 17 and has been going there since she is 12.  It would not occur to me that something other than guitar was going on, but I don't have an autistic child who couldn't express to me if something was going on.  There is an open door policy anyway, and I can walk in (and have) whenever I wish.

Why don't you get your daughter to take lessons with a woman instead of a man if she is autistic and you worry that she is inappropriate?



The door to the house is always open and anyone can walk in at any time.  I always walk in to pick up my daughter, but sometimes have been out doing errands and get there early, sometimes just feel like sitting in and listening.  I wasn't doing it to try and catch them if something was doing on.  

You can't dictate to a 21 year old who hasn't been deemed incompetent who they can take lessons from.  Is she paying for them or are you?  How does she get there?


People just keep warning me about rape, or possible assualt if I *don't* randomly check in and knowing DD she would think 'oh he loves/likes me' she wouldn't consider rape/assult and if she did she would think she led him on, because of her differences.

So if your daughter was niave, vunerable and didn't know the difference between rape/consentual (just was happy she was "wanted" you wouldn't take extra precautions? She pays for them but I drive her.

If my daughter had special needs, I would take whatever precautions were necessary.  You started this as a "private lessons and kids" thing, not about special needs kids.  You will get multiple types of answers.

Is the teacher creepy?  How old is he?  Does he know of your daughter's autism?  If I had concerns and was driving, I would stop driving, or be there for the whole lesson.


Well considering her maturity is at 16/17 I wanted broad answers not just special needs answers. I want her to be independant but safe. And I haven't met this new teacher yet. Her old teacher was nice. Geeky enough that he wasn't interested in a glee loving girl like DD but still social enough that he would laugh and joke with her. All I know about this new guy is that he looks like a rock star...She started catching the bus there after the time/teacher swap so I didn't drive her last week (I didn't know she was getting a new teacher along with a new time)


romalove
by SakePrincess on Mar. 8, 2013 at 6:29 AM


Quoting Anonymous:



Quoting romalove:


Quoting Anonymous:



Quoting romalove:


Quoting Anonymous:


She can express it, she just can't see anything 'wrong'/being taken advantage of with it. hence why I can't convince her to switch to a female teacher; and because the music school hasn't noticed/seen anything they won't move her. So, did you have planned on when you would go in early or did you just do random times/days so that he knew nothing could happen?

Quoting romalove:

My daughter has private guitar lessons with a man at his house.  She is almost 17 and has been going there since she is 12.  It would not occur to me that something other than guitar was going on, but I don't have an autistic child who couldn't express to me if something was going on.  There is an open door policy anyway, and I can walk in (and have) whenever I wish.

Why don't you get your daughter to take lessons with a woman instead of a man if she is autistic and you worry that she is inappropriate?



The door to the house is always open and anyone can walk in at any time.  I always walk in to pick up my daughter, but sometimes have been out doing errands and get there early, sometimes just feel like sitting in and listening.  I wasn't doing it to try and catch them if something was doing on.  

You can't dictate to a 21 year old who hasn't been deemed incompetent who they can take lessons from.  Is she paying for them or are you?  How does she get there?


People just keep warning me about rape, or possible assualt if I *don't* randomly check in and knowing DD she would think 'oh he loves/likes me' she wouldn't consider rape/assult and if she did she would think she led him on, because of her differences.

So if your daughter was niave, vunerable and didn't know the difference between rape/consentual (just was happy she was "wanted" you wouldn't take extra precautions? She pays for them but I drive her.

If my daughter had special needs, I would take whatever precautions were necessary.  You started this as a "private lessons and kids" thing, not about special needs kids.  You will get multiple types of answers.

Is the teacher creepy?  How old is he?  Does he know of your daughter's autism?  If I had concerns and was driving, I would stop driving, or be there for the whole lesson.


Well considering her maturity is at 16/17 I wanted broad answers not just special needs answers. I want her to be independant but safe. And I haven't met this new teacher yet. Her old teacher was nice. Geeky enough that he wasn't interested in a glee loving girl like DD but still social enough that he would laugh and joke with her. All I know about this new guy is that he looks like a rock star...She started catching the bus there after the time/teacher swap so I didn't drive her last week (I didn't know she was getting a new teacher along with a new time)


I'd go in with her and check him out.  I might even tell him about her special needs status.  You drive, you're in control.

lancet98
by Platinum Member on Mar. 8, 2013 at 6:32 AM

No I would not see anything wrong in dropping in unannounced.   At all.  

A friend of mine's husband told me that he informed a coach of his daughter's special needs status, and then said sweetly, 'and if I find out you have done anything to her, I WILL cut it off'.

The coach evidently realized he was NOT talking about removing the child from the classes....

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 8, 2013 at 6:33 AM



Quoting Anonymous:

When I was in elementary school, I took private summer lessons from my band director. I went there by myself on my bike. My mom never felt the need to check on me.



Just because your daughter thinks he is cute, doesn't mean he is attracted to her. And even if he were, he is a professional doing his job, and I'm sure he is aware of your daughter's disability. I think she'll be ok...

Was that at his house or in a music room somewhere? And to be honest I'm more worried about HER throwing herself at him THEN him taking advantage of her. I know she's a flirt. *sigh* and I'm not sure if she's told anyone. She keeps it to herself mostly.


peaches_04
by Gold Member on Mar. 8, 2013 at 6:34 AM
I wouldnt check up on her shes an adult. Id look into getting her on birth control and make sure shes protected. Buy one of those snazzy condom key chain holders and make sure you educate her as much as you can.


Show her pictures of blue waffle and tell her thats what happens when you have unprotected sex
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 8, 2013 at 6:37 AM



Quoting romalove:


Quoting Anonymous:



Quoting romalove:


Quoting Anonymous:



Quoting romalove:


Quoting Anonymous:


She can express it, she just can't see anything 'wrong'/being taken advantage of with it. hence why I can't convince her to switch to a female teacher; and because the music school hasn't noticed/seen anything they won't move her. So, did you have planned on when you would go in early or did you just do random times/days so that he knew nothing could happen?

Quoting romalove:

My daughter has private guitar lessons with a man at his house.  She is almost 17 and has been going there since she is 12.  It would not occur to me that something other than guitar was going on, but I don't have an autistic child who couldn't express to me if something was going on.  There is an open door policy anyway, and I can walk in (and have) whenever I wish.

Why don't you get your daughter to take lessons with a woman instead of a man if she is autistic and you worry that she is inappropriate?



The door to the house is always open and anyone can walk in at any time.  I always walk in to pick up my daughter, but sometimes have been out doing errands and get there early, sometimes just feel like sitting in and listening.  I wasn't doing it to try and catch them if something was doing on.  

You can't dictate to a 21 year old who hasn't been deemed incompetent who they can take lessons from.  Is she paying for them or are you?  How does she get there?


People just keep warning me about rape, or possible assualt if I *don't* randomly check in and knowing DD she would think 'oh he loves/likes me' she wouldn't consider rape/assult and if she did she would think she led him on, because of her differences.

So if your daughter was niave, vunerable and didn't know the difference between rape/consentual (just was happy she was "wanted" you wouldn't take extra precautions? She pays for them but I drive her.

If my daughter had special needs, I would take whatever precautions were necessary.  You started this as a "private lessons and kids" thing, not about special needs kids.  You will get multiple types of answers.

Is the teacher creepy?  How old is he?  Does he know of your daughter's autism?  If I had concerns and was driving, I would stop driving, or be there for the whole lesson.


Well considering her maturity is at 16/17 I wanted broad answers not just special needs answers. I want her to be independant but safe. And I haven't met this new teacher yet. Her old teacher was nice. Geeky enough that he wasn't interested in a glee loving girl like DD but still social enough that he would laugh and joke with her. All I know about this new guy is that he looks like a rock star...She started catching the bus there after the time/teacher swap so I didn't drive her last week (I didn't know she was getting a new teacher along with a new time)


I'd go in with her and check him out.  I might even tell him about her special needs status.  You drive, you're in control.

I think if I do that, I'm not going to tell her I am. She gets really mad at me when I disclose it to people


Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 8, 2013 at 6:38 AM



Quoting lancet98:

No I would not see anything wrong in dropping in unannounced.   At all.  

What would you say as a reason? Or what would you do scenario wise if it was you...I'm also half tempted to ask her to tell me her songs she's practicing weekly because when she likes someone she gets innappropriate with her songs. What do you think of this?


Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 8, 2013 at 6:39 AM



Quoting peaches_04:

I wouldnt check up on her shes an adult. Id look into getting her on birth control and make sure shes protected. Buy one of those snazzy condom key chain holders and make sure you educate her as much as you can.


Show her pictures of blue waffle and tell her thats what happens when you have unprotected sex

She says she doesn't need birth control because she's afraid of sex because it's supposed to hurt so much. She refuses to go on birth control. I don't even want to think of whether an attacker would stop to consider a condom. And as for the blue waffle - I don't even want to google that myself *shudders*


twinmommy27
by Ruby Member on Mar. 8, 2013 at 6:44 AM
My dd had private singing lessons and I would sit and wait. It was also in the back with other offices. I could hear everything but I never went in.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 8, 2013 at 6:46 AM



Quoting twinmommy27:

My dd had private singing lessons and I would sit and wait. It was also in the back with other offices. I could hear everything but I never went in.


So maybe try and go in next week (depending on whether my husbands home to watch the other 3) and just sit outside and listen?

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