Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

To all the step moms out there who are sick of watching BM live off of the child support

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 45 Replies
1 mom liked this

Now I am not talking about those who's DH's pay a few hundred a month per kid or the ones whose DH's ex contributes to the kids too, I am talking to women like me, whose DH makes a good income and so pays a lot of child support. Then instead of BM taking that money and adding her own income to give the kids a great life, she refuses to work and therefore lives on child support and welfare.

That was my life for the past 10 years. My DH paid $1800 a month for his 2 kids and we still had to buy them all the clothes and pay for all the extras because BM decided to just live on that and welfare. I would have never minded the amount he paid if she would use it on the kids, if she got a job to help support her household because child support isn't meant to support BM, just to do the father's share of supporting the kids.

I used to get so angry about it, and again, not because it was going to the kids, because it wasn't, I would have been happy to see the money go to helping support the kids. Then one day, maybe a few years into it, I realized that the kids  are fine. Yes, we have to buy everything for them in addition to paying the CS because otherwise they will go without but that's ok because one day, BM's meal ticket will run out.

Dh's youngest child turned 18 last month so this is the first, first Friday of the month, that we don't owe BM a check. The court order says that until 18, he pays BM between 18 and 21 he gives the money ($900 each) to the children themselves. SDD, the older one, is away at college and we told her we will keep paying this amount while she is in college(she is in pre med so she will be in school for a long time)we told his son, the younger one that too.

Now, I know that SS will probably be forced to hand his money over to his mom until he goes off to college in the fall (he can't move in with us and still go to school, we live 45 min away from the school) but we told him he is welcome to move in after he graduates and I think he might. I am so glad that the money is finally going to the kids.

So you all of you step moms going through this, hang in there, it's not forever. To all you moms using child support as it is intended, no one else may ever say this to you but THANK YOU

Posted by Anonymous on Mar. 8, 2013 at 11:34 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 8, 2013 at 11:47 AM

BUMP!

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 8, 2013 at 11:49 AM

BUMP!

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Mar. 8, 2013 at 11:54 AM
I'm sorry
I sometimes feel the same way, I just remind myself that the kids are happy, that's all that matters. I think dd will be moving in with us in the next few years she is acting up.
Your almost done, and obviously the kids are doing well if they are going to college.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Mar. 8, 2013 at 11:56 AM
1 mom liked this

I am a SAHM, and if my DH leaves me, I would need all the support he can give, since we used up all the money I made while supporting him through College, and putting the down payment on our house.  His money is our money.  I noticed something you wrote about the CS was supposed to support his share of the income, well, for me that is everything.  I would probably have to get a job, but I am not sure how much better off my kids would be if I had to be gone all the time.  I think I would try to stay home if I could too, as long as I could.  Hopefully this never happens to me, because I do not think things would end up pretty in any way.  I don't feel sorry for step parents either, because they know what they are getting into.

ShannaBee
by Platinum Member on Mar. 8, 2013 at 11:56 AM
If she is single, she should be working. It's also her job to support her children.

Now if she remarries I see no problem with her being a SAHM if her husband supports them.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 8, 2013 at 11:58 AM

Yes, that's a good point but BM never married.



Quoting ShannaBee:

If she is single, she should be working. It's also her job to support her children.

Now if she remarries I see no problem with her being a SAHM if her husband supports them.



Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 8, 2013 at 12:01 PM

In that case, you would probably be entitled to alimony, BM wasn't because the were only married 4 years. Right now, your DH supports you and the kids by himself, if you divorce, it will no longer be is sole job to support the kids.



Quoting Anonymous:

I am a SAHM, and if my DH leaves me, I would need all the support he can give, since we used up all the money I made while supporting him through College, and putting the down payment on our house.  His money is our money.  I noticed something you wrote about the CS was supposed to support his share of the income, well, for me that is everything.  I would probably have to get a job, but I am not sure how much better off my kids would be if I had to be gone all the time.  I think I would try to stay home if I could too, as long as I could.  Hopefully this never happens to me, because I do not think things would end up pretty in any way.  I don't feel sorry for step parents either, because they know what they are getting into.



jamamama00
by on Mar. 8, 2013 at 12:02 PM

If she was using the money to pay her bills, then the money was going to take care of the children. Unless she was using all 1800 or whatever on her clothes, hair, etc, then it really doesn't matter.

momalee40
by on Mar. 8, 2013 at 12:03 PM
My dh doesnt pay near that much but his ex says she cant work so her parents pay rent and utimities, she gets food stamps etc.... And still asks for extra any time ss needs clothes, or anything extra. He is with us every wknd and one eve a week. What we dont buy for him, her parents will. She cant work because most places wont hire her due to bad check charges and never paying any bills etc..im sure she could find a job somewhere. Ss is in school so no daycare to worry about.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Mar. 8, 2013 at 12:03 PM

Does he not have a car? Why can't he live with you guys? 45 mins isn't that far. That's what I used to do. I lived with my parents and drove 45 mins to school. Some semesters that meant driving in every single day, even in snow, but it was doable.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)