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My dh isn't happy with our sex life and it's hurting our marriage.

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 68 Replies

When dh and I got together naturally we had sex all of the time. He's actually the best I ever had. He was the first man to give me the big O and he always made sure I was taken care of. We had sex sometimes 2 times a day if not every day. After getting married and having two kids it got less frequent. I was still okay with it. It was just that we were both working and taking care of a home/kids, so we were both just more... tired. I guess lol. I figured this is normal. Still when we do have sex it's just as awesome as always. If I were to throw out a number, I'd say we have sex 2-3 times a week. Sometimes less, sometimes more. I admit my sex drive went down a lot. I don't know if it's my birth control or a bit of depression. (dh and I both were depressed due to some financial hardships and such).

In the past six months my dh sex drive went way back up to where it used to be... The problem is that mine stayed the same. I still enjoy sex, but it's a bit harder for me to get going into it. I want to please my dh as much as he wants it. I don't want to be that kind of wife that never takes care of her dh. Whenever I turn him down he gets extremely angry and says hurtful things. The anger will last through the next day and often times it leads to a big emotional fight. A few days ago he told me that our marriage isn't going to last because of this and he deserves a woman that satisfies him when he needs it. That crushed me. I feel as if whatever I do I won't win. If I don't feel like it and I deny him, he gets angry. If I don't feel like it, but go ahead and go through with it, (and usually I get in the mood during foreplay), he will get mad and accuse me of giving him a "pity fuck." And there have been times when I make an effort to be sexy for him. ie. Shower, do my hair, put on make up, and wear something sexy. I felt like I rocked his world, and we had a great night and everything... Then sometime later he will say that I was just faking it to make him happy.

Believe it or not I love my husband. I love having sex with him. I feel like it's just ruined now. I feel so self-conscience now. I don't know how to respond if I am not in the mood at the moment. And when I am in the mood, I'[m afraid that he isn't enjoying himself, and he's going to give me shit later on about it. I don't think it should be this complicated. He said the other day that maybe we shouldn't have gotten married, because we're not sexually compatible. He also said to me that if I don't want to have to deal with him being an ass... All I have to do is spread my legs. That made me feel so degraded that he said that. He later said that he didn't mean any of those things; we were just fighting. I'm trying to let it go but it still hurts. What do I do?

We are going to have lunch now. I/we will be back on later. Thanks for all of your replies ladies.

Posted by Anonymous on Mar. 8, 2013 at 11:38 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 8, 2013 at 11:40 AM
1 mom liked this

bump

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Mar. 8, 2013 at 11:45 AM

I know how you feel. we've been married for 12 years and have 2 kids. he tells me my body isn't what he wants anymore. it's so degrading and hrtful and he really doesn't even seem to care how his words make me feel.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 8, 2013 at 11:46 AM

 Wow momma, I'm sorry. Dh never said anything like that to me, but I don't like my body anymore either.

Quoting Anonymous:

I know how you feel. we've been married for 12 years and have 2 kids. he tells me my body isn't what he wants anymore. it's so degrading and hrtful and he really doesn't even seem to care how his words make me feel.

 

mtdew
by Silver Member on Mar. 8, 2013 at 11:47 AM

I think he is being an immature jerk.

brittney28
by Brittney on Mar. 8, 2013 at 11:49 AM
You're dh sounds like a ass! And 2 to 3 times a week is good I think! Hell some weeks its way less then that for us.lol
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Mar. 8, 2013 at 11:50 AM

He doesn't get to abuse and mistreat you when he doesn't get his way, you deserve a man who won't throw a tantrum like a child. 2-3 times a week isn't bad, it isn't even close to being bad, I have no clue what his issue is. It's your body, it's okay for you to not be in the mood once in a while. He doesn't get to have a mantrum over it.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Mar. 8, 2013 at 11:52 AM
1 mom liked this

Wow- those are some really nasty things he has said to you, OP. I am just sorry.

Therapy- really- I don't think you are going to get through the things he has said any other way. And his demanding, grumpy ass needs to go with you.

CJsMommy92
by on Mar. 8, 2013 at 11:52 AM

Wow :( I really don't have any advice but I wish I did. I'd feel unloved if my husband didn't want to be with me simply because of sex. Sex shouldn't be what defines a marriage.


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Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Mar. 8, 2013 at 11:53 AM
1 mom liked this

He sounds like an ass. So if you don't give him sex, he complains. If you do give him sex, he complains. What he needs to realize is that your marriage won't last if he can't figure out that he and his sexual wants are not the center of the universe. 2-3 times a week isn't bad at all. He needs to grow the hell up.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 6 on Mar. 8, 2013 at 11:53 AM
I'm really sorry. Have you tried telling him how you feel? That it makes you feel like shit when he says degrading things to you? My sex life has gone way downhill since my 6 month of old was born. It's been a strain on our relationship, but I can't imagine my dh saying hurtful things like that to me. Have you thought about going off birth control? I have an iud and think that is really contributing to my lack of sex drive. I'm getting it taken out Monday.
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