Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Feel like a broken record, is there a better way to do this????!!!!

Posted by on Mar. 8, 2013 at 12:06 PM
  • 48 Replies

 My two youngest boys ages 2 (zed) and 4 (barak)... well they are at each other's throats lately.  Zed is going through a "I'm going to steal everything from my brother, and be a little butt head" phase.. I mean "terrible twos"... whatever you want to call it... So this is how it plays out...all the damn time.  Barak has something in his hand, zed takes it, barak cries and tries to take it back, Zed refuses to let go, and then cue the screaming and tug of war that follows... then enters me..

Me "What is going on here?"

Barak "Zed took that from me"

Me "Barak, what is the right way to handle this situation?"

Barak "Ask for it back nicely and if he doesn't give it back, talk to an adult."

Me "So why are you fighting?"

Barak "Because he took it from me."

Me "What happens if you fight over something."

Barak "No one gets it."

 

So then I take the object of the fight, both boys get a time out for fighting and Zed gets isolated for stealing from his brother.

 

My older kids get it.. some times it doesn't work, but my older two get it, this is not a new rule in our home, this is how it has always been, but I swear these two are doing it just as a pissing match to see who is top dog in the house... it has been suggested that I should let them fight it out and that they will find they will figure it out.. but honestly, I think these two would tear each other to shreds first... and keep in mind that if someone takes something from barak.. other then zed of course... then he does ask for it back or talk to an adult, or finds a compromise.. it is with zed and only zed that these fights occur, and it is only barak that zed seems to want to patronize... I'm about ready to hang them both up by their toes!!

by on Mar. 8, 2013 at 12:06 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
young_lv_mom
by Gold Member on Mar. 8, 2013 at 12:10 PM

I have never had that problem, sorry, but you could try to make them hold hands for a time, or not let them play in the same room (my brother and I use to fight all the time, but hated it when we could not play in the same room, would work for a few days). Other then that I have no real idea, I hope someone else can help you out.

wissotamum
by Silver Member on Mar. 8, 2013 at 12:10 PM

Get them outside or somewhere where they can run.  Make up a kid olympics at your house.  Do something to help them burn off steam.  My kids always fight more in the winter.  I make them run laps around the house, build a snowman, take them sledding, swimming at the YMCA, shooting hoops at the Y, jumping jacks competitionsm jump roping marathons, and dance parties in the basement.  Anything to help them burn off energy.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Mar. 8, 2013 at 12:12 PM
They are 2 and 4. Not going to understand it like and adult or an older sibiling
doulala
by on Mar. 8, 2013 at 12:14 PM

They are probably too young to retain that, especially in a passionate, emotional situation.
Redirection would help I bet.    You may need LOTS of it!

GL!


daughteroftruth
by on Mar. 8, 2013 at 12:17 PM

 

Quoting Anonymous:

They are 2 and 4. Not going to understand it like and adult or an older sibiling

 When my other kids were these ages, we had no problems like this.. in fact my older three never fought.. and they are close in age too... ages are 9,7,5,4,and 2.  My older three have never really fought at all, and they seemed to grasp the whole concept of ask for it back or get an adult at age 2..... and if one of the older ones takes something from barak or zed, they will ask for it back or get me...

but when its between them two.. its like they are out for blood.

Not_A_Native
by Ruby Member on Mar. 8, 2013 at 12:17 PM

I agree with letting them fight it out.  And it will be a LONG 3 or 4 days.  I never had the problem with my older 2, or either of them with the 2 younger ones.  But the two younger ones (15 months apart) were terrible.    Fighting it out actually DID help.

1likeme
by on Mar. 8, 2013 at 12:18 PM
I think you are being a tad bit unfair by punishing them both. If zed is constantly antagonizing his brother then he should be the one punished while barak get a talking to. It might help if you role play with barak so he can practice the right way to handle this situation. I do the same sort of discipline with my boys and the role playing helped a lot. I found that always punishing them both had the effect of making it seem like they were both equally guilty when in toddler/kid thinking it isn't their perception at all.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Mar. 8, 2013 at 12:20 PM
2 moms liked this
You named your kid barak???
daughteroftruth
by on Mar. 8, 2013 at 12:21 PM

 

Quoting wissotamum:

Get them outside or somewhere where they can run.  Make up a kid olympics at your house.  Do something to help them burn off steam.  My kids always fight more in the winter.  I make them run laps around the house, build a snowman, take them sledding, swimming at the YMCA, shooting hoops at the Y, jumping jacks competitionsm jump roping marathons, and dance parties in the basement.  Anything to help them burn off energy.

 I hope it will get better come spring.. this winter has not been favorable to going outside... its either been storming, too cold (like below zero) or melting.. right now we have about a foot of slush out side covered by a foot of fresh snow... I hate... we live in a tiny town, I take them to kids gyms on Fridays, but that is only a few hour... we don't have any indoor play places or rec centers near by... I try to keep them active inside (and separated as much as possible)... I just wish they would get along.. it makes me sad... its like they don't like each other.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Mar. 8, 2013 at 12:21 PM
You can't treat them the same as your other kids. They are different.

Quoting daughteroftruth:

 


Quoting Anonymous:

They are 2 and 4. Not going to understand it like and adult or an older sibiling

 When my other kids were these ages, we had no problems like this.. in fact my older three never fought.. and they are close in age too... ages are 9,7,5,4,and 2.  My older three have never really fought at all, and they seemed to grasp the whole concept of ask for it back or get an adult at age 2..... and if one of the older ones takes something from barak or zed, they will ask for it back or get me...


but when its between them two.. its like they are out for blood.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)