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Confession: I'm a bit angry at my husband.

Posted by on Mar. 8, 2013 at 12:36 PM
  • 28 Replies

maybe I'm completely in the wrong.  I haven't mentioned anything to him yet, either.  I'm trying to work through whether or not I even should be upset about this.

His son, my SS, no longer lives with us.  He could not live by any sort of house rules.  abolutely refused.  He's going to be 18 next month.  He's failing school (badly. Not just a few classes here or there), he broke into an elementary school and stole laptops, is on probation for that, got in trouble for truancy, has broken into our house numerous times and stolen money, property, etc., was doing drugs in the house, was stealing his RX for ADD and either self/over medicating with it or selling it to get other drugs, got his BM kicked out of her apartment because the police were over there too often dealing with him, her roommate moved out because SS was stealing from him,...I could go on.  

The thing is, yesterday my husband had to take off work to take SS to probation for his theft charge.  SS doesn't have a license and can't get one, either.  So Dh takes him and I notice today that there was a $140.00 cash withdrawl from an atm next to the probation office.  

I do not think WE should have to pay the fees for his probation.  I bought him another bike so he could go get a job. He won't.  *I* did not break into an elementary school.  DH didn't either.  I think SS should have to pay for all of the repercussions of his actions.  And I certainly think DH should have at least mentioned the withdrawl to me.  So far he hasn't said anything.  

Anyhow, would anyone else be angry,  or should I just let it go.  It's his kid.  ????

by on Mar. 8, 2013 at 12:36 PM
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Replies (1-10):
AmaliaD
by Ruby Member on Mar. 8, 2013 at 12:39 PM
2 moms liked this

its his child- i would understand him giving the money the kids needs but i wouldnt understand him not saying anything - give him more time and if he is hiding the fact that he helps his son with money ask him about it - you never know.....    i would not be happy that he worked behind my back but i would tred lightly as we all should take care of our kids.   now someone needs to knock you ss into next tuesday but thats just my opinion.

MrsRinehart2010
by on Mar. 8, 2013 at 12:39 PM

 its *his* child and his right to do wht he feels is right . I mean thats how I see it, if your bills are paid and you guys have what you need then it doesnt matter if he decides to "help" hiim

kgsharber
by Platinum Member on Mar. 8, 2013 at 12:40 PM

Discuss it with DH. Maybe offer a compromise, like if ss says the first whole year, then you will help him after that, or pay every other one, but definately not ALL. And I would ONLY do that if ss had a true change of heart and was trying to do better.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Mar. 8, 2013 at 12:40 PM
1 mom liked this

No, your ss is over 18 and should pay for it himself. I would be angry as well. It's not your problem or responsibility to keep ss out of jail because he's too lazy to get a job and pay it himself. Maybe some good time in jail is what will make this kid turn his life around.

mommybellygirl
by on Mar. 8, 2013 at 12:42 PM

he might be expexting to be paid back from his son.

KylesMonkey
by on Mar. 8, 2013 at 12:42 PM

I see your point.  

I'm just trying to see this as a "need". In my opinion, the consequences for his theft, etc are there to teach HIM a lesson so he doesn't want to do these things again.  If we pay the fines and make this easy on him, then I'm not sure he will learn a lesson and might repeat the behavior.  I, personally, think he should get a fire lit under his butt to get a job so he can pay his probation and not have to go to jail, not have daddy buy his way out of it.  

But I guess it doesn't matter what I think about it, because it's not my kid.  


It has nothing to do with the money at all, like I said, I bought him a bike so he could go and find a job.  He just WON'T.  He won't even work around the house or anyone's home to work off anything we give him.  I pay his cell phone, and I put money on his lunch account.  it's just the  Probation I have an issue with.  What does that teach him?

Katalystic
by on Mar. 8, 2013 at 12:43 PM

Oh screw it- once again, drop the stepson from your OP and make it about YOUR CHILD...

Otherwise, you are damned to go down in flames...

I think you are right- in this case, your CHILD- step or otherwise- has screwed up multiple times and shouldn't be given a hand-out. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Mar. 8, 2013 at 12:44 PM

The problem is that his father isn't helping him.  He's only helping to perpetuate his son's behavior.  Until he is made to face his issues and stand on his own he will never learn and the cycle will continue. 


Quoting MrsRinehart2010:

 its *his* child and his right to do wht he feels is right . I mean thats how I see it, if your bills are paid and you guys have what you need then it doesnt matter if he decides to "help" hiim



Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Mar. 8, 2013 at 12:44 PM

I wouldn't help an 18 trouble maker, law breaker that only gives a crap about himself. Cut that jerk off. Let him WALK to his PO. Time to man the fk up. Your husband is wrong. We love our children, but he is NOT doing right by his son.

MrsRinehart2010
by on Mar. 8, 2013 at 12:46 PM

 wellt he way  is see it ,its his leason to be learned not his wifes or any one else's. he will eventually learn his some has to be a big boy lol

Quoting Anonymous:

The problem is that his father isn't helping him.  He's only helping to perpetuate his son's behavior.  Until he is made to face his issues and stand on his own he will never learn and the cycle will continue. 

 

Quoting MrsRinehart2010:

 its *his* child and his right to do wht he feels is right . I mean thats how I see it, if your bills are paid and you guys have what you need then it doesnt matter if he decides to "help" hiim

 

 

 

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