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I told the social service office that my ex was abusive today.

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 33 Replies

Although you might feel like bashing me, it would be nice if you didn't. I've had a rough day. I think people often forget that there are real people behind these posts, so please try to keep that in mind. 

My DF lost his job, and this month we realized we only had 12 dollars left after buying a weeks worth of groceries. we have to survive.... so we went to the social service office and asked about food stamps, and cash aid.. since we didnt have money for anything else (like laundry, shampoo, etc) and well.. she said we have to talk to child support services, i had to tell them that my fiance was not my sons biological father, and that his father was abusive and im scared that trying to enforce child support will make him try to hurt us.

i was shaking the whole time, they said in order to qualify we HAVE to cooperate with child support, so i had to tell child support that my ex was abusive, and the child support worker assured me my address would not be on any paperwork, he must have seen the panic still on my face beca.use then he said "well, you can fill out a just cause stating that you fear if child support is enforced it may bring harm."

so I had to fill out that stating that he sexual, emotionally and physically abused me.  at that point my head was spinning and now i feel like i want to vomit. i felt like everyone was judging me, i just felt sick. im trying my best, but now i have to take action. action im not ready to take, but i have to for my family. the worker wants me to go to a domestic violence center and talk to the people there about getting a restraining order, since there is no police report..

I have to say this to all the women being abused. CALL THE POLICE AND MAKE A REPORT ESPECIALLY IF YOU HAVE CHILDREN! this is a mistake i made. i could have  used the evidence, now all i have is a fucking voicemail, where he says "I am sorry I was violent towards you - I thought i was being gentle"

yep super incriminating voicemail, but i'm not sure if it will even be enough. its ALL I HAVE - plus my parents and a couple friends as witnesses.....is that enough? I dont know. because I DIDNT MAKE A REPORT! I am an idiot. I just want to do what any mother wants - to keep her child safe. i'm so scared that taking this action against him will make him come after us - or my son. My son would not be safe under his care. I know this. thank god I kept that voicemail. I really hope its enough.

i'm sick to my stomach thinking it might not be enough. i'm sick to my stomach thinking i'm doing the wrong thing. but how else are we supposed to survive? my DF has a job interview on wednesday, they JUST called... fingers crossed.

I am so scared right now. my stomach is in knots. 

Posted by Anonymous on Mar. 8, 2013 at 5:56 PM
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Replies (1-10):
kdjdod081013
by on Mar. 8, 2013 at 5:59 PM

(((Hugs)))

The voicemail MAY be enough. Hang in there, can anyone help you for right now?

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 8, 2013 at 6:06 PM
1 mom liked this

the social service office said we should be getting 200 on our card today - YAY LAUNDRY SHAMPOO AND FOOD! a family member is also sending us 100 dollars just in case it takes awhile for everything to go through.

I really hope the voicemail is enough. ugh i feel so terrible for all this. 


Quoting kdjdod081013:

(((Hugs)))

The voicemail MAY be enough. Hang in there, can anyone help you for right now?



kdjdod081013
by on Mar. 8, 2013 at 6:14 PM

 You do what you have to sweetie.

I would contact my city police as well, let them hear the voicemail, and fill them in on the situation. They may be able to advise you on safety, add your address to a route, and keep a file on record in case he does threaten you. That will also bring more help if he does get your information and start to threaten you.

As far as the finances, your DF is looking for work, but you have to make do in the meantime. You are kind of at the mercy of the system, but they can take certain steps to protect you as well. I hope everything will be OK for you, if you need someone to talk to you can PM me.


Quoting Anonymous:

the social service office said we should be getting 200 on our card today - YAY LAUNDRY SHAMPOO AND FOOD! a family member is also sending us 100 dollars just in case it takes awhile for everything to go through.

I really hope the voicemail is enough. ugh i feel so terrible for all this. 

 

Quoting kdjdod081013:

(((Hugs)))

The voicemail MAY be enough. Hang in there, can anyone help you for right now?

 

 


 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Mar. 8, 2013 at 6:18 PM
Just curious--are you the same chick from yesterday with the $12 post?
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 8, 2013 at 6:26 PM

yes.


Quoting Anonymous:

Just curious--are you the same chick from yesterday with the $12 post?



Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 8, 2013 at 6:27 PM


I'm going to go to the domestic abuse center, i'm pretty sure they are going to have me talk to the police. i want to vomit. I really didnt want police involvement , i jsut wanted to move on.

Quoting kdjdod081013:

 You do what you have to sweetie.

I would contact my city police as well, let them hear the voicemail, and fill them in on the situation. They may be able to advise you on safety, add your address to a route, and keep a file on record in case he does threaten you. That will also bring more help if he does get your information and start to threaten you.

As far as the finances, your DF is looking for work, but you have to make do in the meantime. You are kind of at the mercy of the system, but they can take certain steps to protect you as well. I hope everything will be OK for you, if you need someone to talk to you can PM me.


Quoting Anonymous:

the social service office said we should be getting 200 on our card today - YAY LAUNDRY SHAMPOO AND FOOD! a family member is also sending us 100 dollars just in case it takes awhile for everything to go through.

I really hope the voicemail is enough. ugh i feel so terrible for all this. 


Quoting kdjdod081013:

(((Hugs)))

The voicemail MAY be enough. Hang in there, can anyone help you for right now?







Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Mar. 8, 2013 at 6:31 PM



Quoting Anonymous:


I'm going to go to the domestic abuse center, i'm pretty sure they are going to have me talk to the police. i want to vomit. I really didnt want police involvement , i jsut wanted to move on.

Quoting kdjdod081013:

 You do what you have to sweetie.

I would contact my city police as well, let them hear the voicemail, and fill them in on the situation. They may be able to advise you on safety, add your address to a route, and keep a file on record in case he does threaten you. That will also bring more help if he does get your information and start to threaten you.

As far as the finances, your DF is looking for work, but you have to make do in the meantime. You are kind of at the mercy of the system, but they can take certain steps to protect you as well. I hope everything will be OK for you, if you need someone to talk to you can PM me.


Quoting Anonymous:

the social service office said we should be getting 200 on our card today - YAY LAUNDRY SHAMPOO AND FOOD! a family member is also sending us 100 dollars just in case it takes awhile for everything to go through.

I really hope the voicemail is enough. ugh i feel so terrible for all this. 


Quoting kdjdod081013:

(((Hugs)))

The voicemail MAY be enough. Hang in there, can anyone help you for right now?








Here is how it works. IF you fully support your kid, then you get to choose if you want to get child support. IF YOU Need the taxpayers to help you, then you need to assist in helping collect the money that the taxpayers will be paying out.

It's onl;y fair to everyone else who will be working to give your child food .....

kdjdod081013
by on Mar. 8, 2013 at 6:34 PM

 The police won;t really get involved unless there's an immediate threat to you. But having them filled in and everything on file is a good idea. They can pull those if anything happens and use that to press charges and allow for a quicker response time.

I know this sucks, and it's scary, but if the police know what to look for in case of a threat or he comes after you, they can do more to protect you and help you, in a case like this they can even have valuable information for you. Informing them won;t hurt you, I can promise you that.


Quoting Anonymous:

 

I'm going to go to the domestic abuse center, i'm pretty sure they are going to have me talk to the police. i want to vomit. I really didnt want police involvement , i jsut wanted to move on.

Quoting kdjdod081013:

 You do what you have to sweetie.

I would contact my city police as well, let them hear the voicemail, and fill them in on the situation. They may be able to advise you on safety, add your address to a route, and keep a file on record in case he does threaten you. That will also bring more help if he does get your information and start to threaten you.

As far as the finances, your DF is looking for work, but you have to make do in the meantime. You are kind of at the mercy of the system, but they can take certain steps to protect you as well. I hope everything will be OK for you, if you need someone to talk to you can PM me.

 

Quoting Anonymous:

the social service office said we should be getting 200 on our card today - YAY LAUNDRY SHAMPOO AND FOOD! a family member is also sending us 100 dollars just in case it takes awhile for everything to go through.

I really hope the voicemail is enough. ugh i feel so terrible for all this. 

 

Quoting kdjdod081013:

(((Hugs)))

The voicemail MAY be enough. Hang in there, can anyone help you for right now?

 

 

 

 

 

 


 

kdjdod081013
by on Mar. 8, 2013 at 6:39 PM
1 mom liked this

 She's scared, cut her some slack anon. Have you ever been abused? If not you have no idea how terrifying asking for help, revealing it, ANY of that can be. It leaves you vulnerable to your abuser all over again.

It is actually in large part why so many victims never leave their abuser. IF they get the guts to leave people condescend when they hit hard times, turn it around and make them out to be the abuser, or make their lives impossible in other ways. She got out, now she's scared of being hurt again and I can't say I blame her.


Quoting Anonymous:

 

 

Quoting Anonymous:

 

I'm going to go to the domestic abuse center, i'm pretty sure they are going to have me talk to the police. i want to vomit. I really didnt want police involvement , i jsut wanted to move on.

Quoting kdjdod081013:

 You do what you have to sweetie.

I would contact my city police as well, let them hear the voicemail, and fill them in on the situation. They may be able to advise you on safety, add your address to a route, and keep a file on record in case he does threaten you. That will also bring more help if he does get your information and start to threaten you.

As far as the finances, your DF is looking for work, but you have to make do in the meantime. You are kind of at the mercy of the system, but they can take certain steps to protect you as well. I hope everything will be OK for you, if you need someone to talk to you can PM me.

 

Quoting Anonymous:

the social service office said we should be getting 200 on our card today - YAY LAUNDRY SHAMPOO AND FOOD! a family member is also sending us 100 dollars just in case it takes awhile for everything to go through.

I really hope the voicemail is enough. ugh i feel so terrible for all this. 

 

Quoting kdjdod081013:

(((Hugs)))

The voicemail MAY be enough. Hang in there, can anyone help you for right now?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Here is how it works. IF you fully support your kid, then you get to choose if you want to get child support. IF YOU Need the taxpayers to help you, then you need to assist in helping collect the money that the taxpayers will be paying out.

It's onl;y fair to everyone else who will be working to give your child food .....


 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 8, 2013 at 6:40 PM



Quoting Anonymous:



Quoting Anonymous:


I'm going to go to the domestic abuse center, i'm pretty sure they are going to have me talk to the police. i want to vomit. I really didnt want police involvement , i jsut wanted to move on.

Quoting kdjdod081013:

 You do what you have to sweetie.

I would contact my city police as well, let them hear the voicemail, and fill them in on the situation. They may be able to advise you on safety, add your address to a route, and keep a file on record in case he does threaten you. That will also bring more help if he does get your information and start to threaten you.

As far as the finances, your DF is looking for work, but you have to make do in the meantime. You are kind of at the mercy of the system, but they can take certain steps to protect you as well. I hope everything will be OK for you, if you need someone to talk to you can PM me.


Quoting Anonymous:

the social service office said we should be getting 200 on our card today - YAY LAUNDRY SHAMPOO AND FOOD! a family member is also sending us 100 dollars just in case it takes awhile for everything to go through.

I really hope the voicemail is enough. ugh i feel so terrible for all this. 


Quoting kdjdod081013:

(((Hugs)))

The voicemail MAY be enough. Hang in there, can anyone help you for right now?








Here is how it works. IF you fully support your kid, then you get to choose if you want to get child support. IF YOU Need the taxpayers to help you, then you need to assist in helping collect the money that the taxpayers will be paying out.

It's onl;y fair to everyone else who will be working to give your child food .....


you didnt even read the post did you? just came in to bash or what?

my family has PAID TAXES just because we are in hard times does not make us terrible people.

putting a child in a dangerous situation by enforcing child support is NOT OK - which is why they told us about the excemption for domestic violence, and why I am not having to prove my case and wish I filed a police report which im dumb for not doing. 

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